To ask if you stand up or sit down?

[Blessedbethefknfruit]

Okay, so this may seem like a bizarre question.
However seeing as I'm awake at 5am listening to my 9 week old squealing with delight in her cot, because for some reason she has gotten herself into the routine that after the 4am bottle and nappy change its playtime... Anyway I'm awake and thinking of random things...

I discovered a few months ago that my partner stands up when "cleaning/wiping" himself after going to the toilet.
I found this so strange, I'd never heard of anyone doing this. I just assumed everyone remained sitting down and it seemed really alien to me.
Somehow the subject came up when we were with his family (we're not pride and perfectly confortable talking about these things) and it turns out they are a family of stand up wipers! They thought this was normal and the usual thing to do.

So for research purposes and because what else is there to do at this time whilst I wait for my little squealer to go back to sleep, let's do a poll.

I'm not being unreasonable : I remain sitting down to wipe my butt.
I'm being unreasonable : I stand up to make sure I get in all the crooks and crannies.

Hopefully by the time anyone responds to this I'll be asleep!

I am definitely not offended just surprised you are not a first time poster as no posting history is shown.

But if you feel the need to ask people how they wipe their bum, then go for it and I hope you got out of the thread what you wanted to.

Definitely sitting down for me but having heard that some people get stark naked, I’d say that standing is fairly normal 😆

Standing to wipe makes no sense at all, as you're working against your cheeks as they're closing in together again.

It might work if you used a towel (hopefully only ever used solely for that purpose), rolled it and grabbed one end in each hand and then gave it the vigorous old 'heave-ho' up and down (maybe singing a lively bathroom shanty and possibly dancing a hornpipe as you go); but a length of ordinary bog roll would be much too weak to gain enough purchase and not to just instantly come apart at the perforations.

Even then, you're left with a pooey towel to deal with; so what's the point anyway?

How powerful are those Shattafs, though? Are we talking a moderate trickle or full-on Karcher?

But if you feel the need to ask people how they wipe their bum, then go for it and I hope you got out of the thread what you wanted to.

I read that in the voice of the easily-embarrassed teacher from Chewin' The Fat!

@RambamThankyouMam I remain seated. Were I to stand, my buttocks would press together and smear shite all over the place.

😂😂

Until I came on MN I had no idea people sat either, but in all my 60 something years this has never been a topic of discussion. I still think sitting is odd, but each to their own.

I sit when wiping my behind, but stand when wiping my front.

I'm a stander.

This, surely this?

And for big bummers like me, I need a bit of help by sitting for the cheeks to separate?

Plus I have IBS so dont always have a clean action (TMI)

I remember one delirious night shift having this conversation and it created much mirth!
I stand- the people saying how do you get in to your arse cheeks - well you squat clearly

I low carb. I still man poo unfortunately. Its simply the way the bowels work for some people.

Variable flow, dontcha know @WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll so you can decide depending on mood. You don't want splash back or buttock soaking so I never go full throttle but unless I have a sore hoop I do like a robust rinse.

Right, but surely this would actually mean that before his parents even met eachother they were either both already stand up wipers from stand up families, or one of them conformed to the others 'normal'.

I used to sit and then as I've become overweight I stand, find it hard to reach otherwise. DH stands.

You do what now???????

Right, but surely this would actually mean that before his parents even met eachother they were either both already stand up wipers from stand up families, or one of them conformed to the others 'normal'.

Maybe it was an absolute potential deal-breaker for the existing stander. My MIL refused to marry my FIL until he gave up smoking.

Maybe they added something to their marriage vows and solemnly committed themselves to it.

Is there anybody out there willing to admit that they do neither and spurn the whole culture of cleaning altogether? Just go au naturel - like a dog - and accept that they will crinkle when they walk for half an hour or so?

An unlucky family member used to do her father's washing for him and she commented that his pants were always smeared in the stuff - not to mention his shirt tails - so it sounds very much like he was never tempted to go the way of the toilet roll. Imagine leaving that as a legacy, though? All of your great achievements in your long and full life, but you become known after you've gone as 'the man who never bothered to wipe his arse'.

@bellac11

I disagree. When I low carb properly, I eat under 30g carbs per day, all from veg/yogurt etc. perfect poo, kind of encapsulated (probably all the olive oil 😂)

when I'm off piste it's 'man poo'.

maybe you're eating 'low carb' but not quite low enough to get the point benefit!!

but it's not just how each body works or I wouldn't get the point benefit. Which also extends to once per day at a convenient time

In response to this thread, I said to my Dh ‘can you believe people stand up to wipe their bums?’

he looks at me in shock and says ‘eh? Do you not?’

And you think you know someone!

Well at risk of derailing the thread, you could set your clock by me, whatever diet Im on. But when I have low carbed at those levels, no difference, low carbing at higher levels, no difference, normal diet no difference

Unfortunately 'bad' diet full of junk, nice and clean poo.

Cant explain it. My mum is the same.

I have IBS so you can often get a mixture of types within the same movement (sorry everyone)

Next time someone farts at the table do remember to drop into the conversation that most smells are particulate. Always brings the house down that one! Hilarity ensues etc.

😂

Next time someone farts at the table do remember to drop into the conversation that most smells are particulate. Always brings the house down that one! Hilarity ensues etc.

It's all relative, though. Any household with a pet dog or cat has a creature that not only never wipes its bum but actually walks around with its anus uncovered to the elements and on display everywhere it goes. At least humans are usually wearing pants and an extra layer to filter it through when they drop one.

I do what you quoted