Am I a prude?

[liloandtitch]

My little sister and her boyfriend like to touch each other’s bums and grip each other’s knees / thighs. They do this during family get togethers with my parents and other siblings. It makes me super uncomfortable.

Also, since being with him my sister has taken to going bra-less, and / or wears revealing tops that are either low cut or have side cut-aways or are crop tops, and all this flesh on display also makes me uncomfortable.

I realise that it’s great that she’s comfortable in her body of course and I’m glad she and her boyfriend love each other. I am not asking if they are being unreasonable because objectively I know that they are not. I am not going to say anything to them.

But am I unreasonable to feel squeamish about this? Would others feel uncomfortable seeing their sister’s nipples through thin fabric or mind seeing wandering hands on the sofa?

We’re all in our 30s. My sister and I had quite a ‘chaste’ upbringing, so perhaps I am being prudish.

YABU - I am a prude.

YANBU - It is normal to find this uncomfortable.

They are young and in love. She isn’t doing it to upset you she is just feeling good about herself. You could say “gross” or making some funny remarks but let her enjoy her moment.

If she has previously felt ugly and now here is someone who thinks she is amazing, maybe she is over flaunting it,

Braless wouldnt bother me (though im jealous how warm your house must be for your sister to be wearing tops thin enough to show nips! Im in bra, vest, long sleeve top, tshirt and jumper here. No risk of nip exposure 😂!)

The PDA is a bit grim. Im not a prude at all but infront of parents i wouldnt be groping DH bum.

YANBU. If either of my brothers were groping their GFs in front of me and our parents I’d be telling them to pack it in

I think it might be normal to find it a bit irritating or feel a bit odd about it, particularly maybe when your parents are there because they've probably created a particular very private as you call it atmosphere that you're used to and have stuck to all your lives. Maybe you are going through the teenage stage now as you never had boyfriends who came round then. Your reaction sounds a bit more like a teenager. It's totally normal then to find any displays of affection or sibs cooing over b-friends/g-friends etc as cringe and disgusting at that age.

The visceral disgust thing as a person in your thirties though sounds a bit strange and very extreme. It might be good for you to think why you are reacting so strongly. Can your sister talk to you about stuff that might be normal for adult sisters to talk about? Can she talk to you about relationships or ask advice? (I don't mean telling you about sexual stuff, but it sounds like you are not seeing her as an independent grown-up woman who might need an adult sister she can turn to if she needs.) Are you seeing her too much as a child still because that's your relationship is with her and it hasn't changed and you're not letting her grow up in your eyes? Would you be better about it if your parents weren't around? Perhaps it's more to do with how you are with your family when together and the roles you all have together? Maybe your sister, being the younger one, wants to break out of these roles.

She doesn't sound like she's doing anything wrong. Even if they are a little OTT, it really doesn't sound extreme and they are maybe just in the starry-eyed phase. People talking about raunch culture are just being ridiculous. I think it's good you aren't going to say anything to her as it sounds like your background was a bit uptight and it isn't fair to reimpose that on her or make her feel ashamed or embarrassed. If it does bother you, I might try and see it more as funny. Be amused by them rather than bothered by them. You have been really honest though OP which is impressive.

I come from a similar family. It took me a very long time to even be touchy-feely in private which I know wasn't 'normal'. But I think anyone touching anyone in a sexulised manner (not the knees but the thigh/bum part) in front of others is too much and would make me feel very uncomfortable no matter if it was a relative or a stranger.

I really can’t understand your reaction to nipples! Do you hate seeing mens nipples too, or are women’s somehow more obscene than a man’s?

They are being immature and obnoxious.

I don’t think anyone’s nipples ever need to be out in public unless it’s a beach or swimming pool?

But her sisters nipples weren’t out in public …. She could just see them through the fabric of her top.

We all have nipples. Why is it so taboo?

Would you have the same attitude if you saw a woman’s nipple in public if she was feeding her child ?

You are definitely being unreasonable about the lack of bra, but she should perhaps tone down the PDA.

Judging from the voting, you ( and me) are in the majority.

it’s all so performative, anyway. Much cry, little wool , as the Greeks said.

I thought @EPFromTheStates was having a laugh. It's so hard to tell

It’s 2022 not 1822. There is nothing wrong or obscene about women not wearing a bra, you’re not going to drop dead if you see the out line of nipples through a shirt. No one says a word about men going shirtless.
she’s not naked & you need to get your own BF/GF instead of obsessing about your sisters breasts & the way she & her BF show each other affection.

Would you have the same attitude if you saw a woman’s nipple in public if she was feeding her child ?

I have breastfed twice. I am typing this bra less, in public.

Personally, I still wouldn't go brakes around my parents etc. Would make me uncomfortable more than anything. And let's not pretend breasts aren't seen sexually🙄

I don't think you're a prude but you'll have to keep your 'visceral reactions' to yourself. Focus on whether your sister is in a happy relationship and if so be happy for her and get on with your life.

The public displays of affection I agree are something I would not want to witness. Unless in certain formal situations, going braless is something I have no issue with.

I can accept many of the comments as differing opinions but this one literally makes no sense. He's grabbing her butt which is highly sexual behaviour. Of course it's sexual so yes OP realizes it is sexual. Men almost always do this because their fingers graze the vagina or get very very close to it. That's not sexualizing it's merely noting this.

Where on earth do you draw the line? Foreplay, fingering or literal dick out having full on sex? Shall they, as mumsneters call it... Be shagging on the floor and OP must just look the other direction and tell herself "aw can't be sexualizing people." And go about having lunch?

Please explain to me where the line is?

"you need to get your own BF/GF instead of obsessing about your sisters breasts & the way she & her BF show each other affection"

Very helpful.

Yes, from that description you are being a prude.

I don't particularly want to see adults grabbing each other's bum, but I'm pretty sure bum-grabbing does not necessarily involve "fingers grazing the vagina". How would that even work, when someone is standing? If he's rummaging right between her legs there is a bigger problem here!

I’d feel as you do.. I also think I’m a prude! It’s a bit much 🤮 esp at family stuff! x

touching knee/thigh/bum is not PDA, I’d class PDA as snogging. So yes, you’re being uptight

Haha! I make no sense and your over here comparing a bit of affectionate touching over clothes to being fingered or having full on sex? If you don't know the difference between touching someone's arse as you pass them by or having your hand on your partners thigh and having full on sex in the living room in front of your family then I'm afraid there is no way to explain the line between affection and sex to you I'm afraid.

I understand that some people are more affectionate than others but touching someone's arse being 'highly sexualised behaviour' and comparable having full sex is wild 🤣 You must have had some awesome butt grabs in your time if you can compare the two with a straight face.

Grabbing your partner's arse is not PDA... right...

Is this a stealth boast about your heating? I wear more to bed than that currently 😆