Am I a prude?

[liloandtitch]

My little sister and her boyfriend like to touch each other’s bums and grip each other’s knees / thighs. They do this during family get togethers with my parents and other siblings. It makes me super uncomfortable.

Also, since being with him my sister has taken to going bra-less, and / or wears revealing tops that are either low cut or have side cut-aways or are crop tops, and all this flesh on display also makes me uncomfortable.

I realise that it’s great that she’s comfortable in her body of course and I’m glad she and her boyfriend love each other. I am not asking if they are being unreasonable because objectively I know that they are not. I am not going to say anything to them.

But am I unreasonable to feel squeamish about this? Would others feel uncomfortable seeing their sister’s nipples through thin fabric or mind seeing wandering hands on the sofa?

We’re all in our 30s. My sister and I had quite a ‘chaste’ upbringing, so perhaps I am being prudish.

YABU - I am a prude.

YANBU - It is normal to find this uncomfortable.

BIL and his gf seem to spend half their time with their hands in each others’ crotches (okay, very high up the thigh) and I find it a bit 🤢. I don’t mind a hand on the knee among peers or watching the TV but having tea at your nans with a hand right in your thigh is embarrassing to me!

Tbh it doesn't sound like a normal reaction to me. But I grew up in a pretty open family where we could talk about sex etc. and it wasn't embarassing or anything.

Bra-less point.... I genuinely see no problem with this at all. She's got a top on ffs! If she doesn't want to wear a bra then surely that's her decision? I wouldn't feel awkward about this at all. I'd probably be jealous that she can wear crop tops and I can't (mum tum!)

The touching seems okay to me if its just cuddles, hand on the knee, hand resting on thigh. Some couples are more touchy than others and not all touching is sexual at all. Obviously if they're purposefully sliding hands up and down thighs and stroking other areas whilst the family have their sunday roast then that's not very respectful. I'd probably just make a joke though and tell them to 'get a room you two!' to show them that others can see what they're doing.

No issue at all with her being braless,.totally her choice. Hand resting on knee or thigh fine too. Pats on the bum inappropriate in front of others. You do sound a little bit uptight though with how strongly it affected you

Groping each other's arses in front of you is very attention seeking and lacking in basic courtesy. Private stuff should be done in private and no it doesn't make you a 'prude' to say so.

Re the clothes it's trendy to go bra-less nowadays. I wouldn't as it's v obvious when you're not wearing one particularly if you're average or larger of chest. And the cold does things... so no but she likes drawing attention to herself so it's not surprising.

You might want to ask yourself why are you bothered by other people's public display of affection. I understand in UK almost everyone is prude but where I am coming from PDA is something normal and I would never be bothered by it. Live and let live. I can't believe how many people find PDA repulsive. What kind of society are we living in??

I don’t like seeing nipples either and I would feel uncomfortable with what you are describing.

Come now! We should give @blameless a hand. A lot of effort went into it.

If you're in your 30s do you really still think of her as your little sister? I thought it was two teenagers to begin with.

Has nobody said "look at the two of you, you can't get your hands off each other - are you sure you don't want to go upstairs". You know in a nice sisterly poss take way.

DS has said before now to dd's bf "if you can put my sister down a minute, you'll have time to drink your beer" Just in relation to an arm round her and listening to her rather than anyone else.

It's the rough and tumble of family life that sorts this stuff out.

Just wondering about my reaction

I expect you are, @liloandtitch, I expect you are.

YANBU about the PDAs but YABU about the clothes

It’s normal for people to grab each other's bumps in front of family where you come from?

Sorry for the mistake @blameless, you're blameless. I should have plonked that one in @Precipice's lap. I assume that's where they want it.

Our family didn’t discuss puberty sex or relationships. I do but thankfully my friends rescued me 😂bra less is a thing right now but not for me, don’t care about others Tbf but if ds knows how your family works so for me her behaviour is a little disrespectful. She can do what she wants all other times so not sure why she feels it’s ok imo. However touching a knee wouldn’t fall in with that for me, but I get it’s the overall picture that’s irking you op

I don't think you are a prude as much as you are judgemental. People have different ways of dressing and expressing love.

I never wore a bra before I turned 40, my tits were small and I hated the awful things. I still hate them but age and gravity have convinced me that if only for how others feel looking at me, I have to wear a bra in public. Honestly, my nipples showing thru fabric when I was young was never something I thought about.

I'm also a touchy feely person, even now at 62 y.o. I will lightly touch my DH bum or give him a quick kiss on the nose, neck, lips or anywhere when he's next to me. It's not something I consciously do, it's just how I communicate telling him I love him, and he usually pats me somewhere in return.

Women have different priorities when they dress and different love languages how to express love. Unless your sister is behaving/dressing hugely socially inappropriate, live and let live.

It sounds very like my own upbringing - although mine were overtly strict in every way. I struggled with PDA for a very long time. Couldn’t bear kissing or hugging my DH in public. Never touched him, unless we were in the bedroom. Not so much now. He’s now my ex, so this doesn’t refer to him, but I’m a lot more comfortable with PDAs than I was. Thee are limits, but I have to problem with a hand on a leg, thigh, knee. Even a quick caress of a butt. But full on groping in view of others, would still sit uncomfortably with me.

How nice of you to take the piss out of someone answering the ops question.

Affection is fine and I think YABU to think there's anything inappropriate about that.
Displays of sexual attraction: a bit ick. How old are they? I think if they are 18 its one thing and I'd let it go. If they are 35 you might want to have a word.
As for what she wears, none of your business at all.

Bum and thigh squeezing is a bit performative. Knee touching totally no big deal. Your nipple issues are definitely you - I haven't worn a bra since the start of lockdown and I wouldn't start now just because I have nipples. We all do (except Ken and Barbie), get over it.

Your upbringing sounds unhealthily reserved.

You would hate me… I am enormous of breast (36 gg/h) and frequently don’t wear a bra. They are uncomfortable and annoying.

Hi. I'm with you. There's a time and a place for most things... (Though I'm not sure when and where the right time for nauseating your family in this particular way would be...) Keep the over the top PDAs, and stiff mammarian protuberances (Eeeew-wah!) private! ❤️💔🧐😳🤢🤮😵👻... (😉✌️)

happy to be a ‘loose’ woman… bra less… free and not giving a fuck what you and judgey people like you think

honestly some people think they’re the moral arbiters of everyone.

@EPFromTheStates you might need to get back in your time machine... Bra wearing has reduced massively since lockdown and even before, not wearing a bra was not equated with being 'a loose woman' except among extremists on the religious side.

I'd rather be loose than uncomfortable.

And knees are not private areas.

I'm sorry the sexual revolution passed you by, but please stop judging the rest of us who don't want to live in the past.

Get a grip.

Im responding to the judgemental comment which implies women shouldn’t be braless. It’s disgusting.
I think they’re taking the piss with their archaic attitude.

Is your sister Kourtney Kardashian?

I'd feel uncomfortable about the going braless thing too BUT recognise that's my issue and she has a right to wear what she wants.

The PDA thing though is out of order and you should say something to her.

I don't think you're particularly much more prudish than most other people.