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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with him for dropping baby.

92 replies

peanutsmuggle · 14/12/2022 15:46

I have name changed for this and posting here for traffic.
DH has dropped our newborn daughter twice. Once last month when she was 3 weeks old because he fell asleep winding her and once last night when he fell asleep again winding her. Both times she fell on the floor off him on the bed.
I am furious because I keep telling him to get some sleep and he refuses. He sleeps through her crying most of the time and I just get on with feeding during the night. He stays up till 2/3 am most nights and it was at this time she awoke last night and he insisted on taking her. I have now said he is not to deal with her during the night as I can't trust him not to fall asleep.
I am so upset, he is upset too but my anger lies in the fact that he refuses to listen when I ask him to sleep and not stay up till silly o clock. He's on a weeks AL so could be taking this opportunity to rest but instead stays up watching shit TV and playing Xbox.
I am now scared to go to bed knowing if he picks her up he may fall asleep again and drop her.
AIBU to not allow him to do night feeds/ be alone with the baby at night?

OP posts:
fairgame84 · 14/12/2022 15:48

YANBU
Twice in 3 weeks is unacceptable.

WineCap · 14/12/2022 15:49

Sweet Jesus. I would take the cable for the TV up to bed with me. He has a newborn baby, it's time to grow up and put his family first.

SheWoreYellow · 14/12/2022 15:49

I’d worry more about her getting wedged down beside him and her suffocating. He needs to get set up in a position where if they sleep it’s safe.

JemimaTiggywinkles · 14/12/2022 15:50

YANBU. Lots of people drop their babies, and lots of people fall asleep holding them. However, it sounds as if he is making the situation worse by refusing to sleep at appropriate times. I'd be furious.

Newwardrobe · 14/12/2022 15:51

Once I can sort of understand, but twice ? He needs to sort himself out, he's a father ffs .

FictionalCharacter · 14/12/2022 15:52

Yanbu. He’s a father now, he needs to change his lifestyle so that he’s capable of looking after her. Watching tv and gaming in the early hours is ok for a single man. It’s not ok for a man who’s looking after a new baby.
He shouldn’t be sitting on the edge of the bed winding her when he’s so sleepy. He could sit up on the bed where the pillows are, so that if he does drop her she just falls onto the bed.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/12/2022 15:53

I'd tell him to get the fuck out and I'm not joking. This is absolutely inexcusable and completely his fault for being so immature. I would be LIVID. He is also a very high risk for suffocating your baby.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 14/12/2022 15:54

Chopping the plug off his games console would be tempting....

wishuponastar1988 · 14/12/2022 15:55

No sorry it's absolutely inexcusable unless he has a health condition and in that case he should know he is not safe to care for baby when tired.. It's exhausting having a young baby but to fall asleep twice and drop her on the floor is disgraceful. I would be extremely worried about baby suffocating if he fell asleep with her on the bed. I'd throw his Xbox in the bin and hide the tv cable - he needs to grow up!

thewayround · 14/12/2022 15:57

He stays up till 2/3 am most nights

doing what?

DolphinNosePotato1 · 14/12/2022 15:57

Yanbu. It’s probably quite lucky she’s actually fallen on the floor and woken him up instead of on to the bed and suffocating against the mattress. I’d go nuclear on him for this he absolutely can’t fall asleep holding her, twice in a few weeks is ridiculous.

thewayround · 14/12/2022 15:59

He's on a weeks AL so could be taking this opportunity to rest but instead stays up watching shit TV and playing Xbox.
ml

when not on AL, what’s his routine and involvement?

Ruffpuff · 14/12/2022 16:03

Yuck. Pathetic man child. I'd be so angry, about the dropping and lack of responsibility he's taking for it. It doesn't sound old you get much help or support. Men like that make me ill, it's so unfair in the mother (and the baby in this case).

FOJN · 14/12/2022 16:03

AIBU to not allow him to do night feeds/ be alone with the baby at night?

FFS he's not safe to look after his own child because he's behaving like a teenager. I think I'd insist that he grow up rather facilitate his continued adolescence by relieving him of adult responsibilities.

Original poster
peanutsmuggle · 14/12/2022 16:04

thewayround · 14/12/2022 15:57

He stays up till 2/3 am most nights

doing what?

Watching Tav and playing Xbox

OP posts:
Ruffpuff · 14/12/2022 16:04

I agree strongly with @FOJN

TarquinOliverNimrod · 14/12/2022 16:05

You are married to an imbecile.

Original poster
peanutsmuggle · 14/12/2022 16:06

thewayround · 14/12/2022 15:59

He's on a weeks AL so could be taking this opportunity to rest but instead stays up watching shit TV and playing Xbox.
ml

when not on AL, what’s his routine and involvement?

He does do feeds in the day at weekends or when home from work while I make dinner, he will go to bed after 1am most days even when having to get up for work. Sleeps through his alarm until I wake him, it goes off next to him and wakes me and then I wake him iyswim.

OP posts:
BabyOnBoard90 · 14/12/2022 16:07

YANBU.

Accidents occur but better to be safe than sorry

Original poster
peanutsmuggle · 14/12/2022 16:07

FOJN · 14/12/2022 16:03

AIBU to not allow him to do night feeds/ be alone with the baby at night?

FFS he's not safe to look after his own child because he's behaving like a teenager. I think I'd insist that he grow up rather facilitate his continued adolescence by relieving him of adult responsibilities.

If I insist he takes responsibility and he drops her again that's on me for allowing it to happen. I wouldn't be able to rest/ sleep if he has her at night.

OP posts:
Original poster
peanutsmuggle · 14/12/2022 16:08

TarquinOliverNimrod · 14/12/2022 16:05

You are married to an imbecile.

I know Sad

OP posts:
GreenManalishi · 14/12/2022 16:09

You are not being unreasonable to expect more. Was he always this shit and you expected him to pull his socks up when he became a father or is this new?

stays up watching shit TV and playing Xbox to the point where he's incapable of being left in charge of his baby, and can't even get himself up for work without you waking him up? That would see me taking a stanley knife to the plug on the tv and the xbox, and telling him to sleep on the sofa.

He's no help, he's an actual hindrance and you can do this on your own with less hassle.

racingcar · 14/12/2022 16:10

YANBU. DH (who I cannot criticise in any rational way) fell asleep on the sofa when DD was about a week old. She slid down off his lap and landed on my knee (I was sat next to him). She fell 10cm and didn't wake up - I was furious and didn't put her down for two days (peed holding her and everything). I still watch him constantly when he holds her. It's a genuinely terrifying thing (like falling off a bike or slipping on the stairs) where there's no real harm done but the shock and fear and realisation of what-if really shakes you. I have no real advice though - you can't force him to sleep and can't physically prevent him holding his own child. I hope he wises up.

IncompleteSenten · 14/12/2022 16:11

If dropping his baby twice hasn't made him think hang on, perhaps I should knock off playing games all night and ensure I am able to keep my infant safe, then he's a twat, frankly.

AFS1 · 14/12/2022 16:12

Your daughter has had 2 lucky escapes so far. Falling to sleep holding a newborn is SO dangerous. He can not be left unsupervised with your child until he grows the fuck up and starts taking responsibility.

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