To be angry with him for dropping baby.

[peanutsmuggle]

I have name changed for this and posting here for traffic.
DH has dropped our newborn daughter twice. Once last month when she was 3 weeks old because he fell asleep winding her and once last night when he fell asleep again winding her. Both times she fell on the floor off him on the bed.
I am furious because I keep telling him to get some sleep and he refuses. He sleeps through her crying most of the time and I just get on with feeding during the night. He stays up till 2/3 am most nights and it was at this time she awoke last night and he insisted on taking her. I have now said he is not to deal with her during the night as I can't trust him not to fall asleep.
I am so upset, he is upset too but my anger lies in the fact that he refuses to listen when I ask him to sleep and not stay up till silly o clock. He's on a weeks AL so could be taking this opportunity to rest but instead stays up watching shit TV and playing Xbox.
I am now scared to go to bed knowing if he picks her up he may fall asleep again and drop her.
AIBU to not allow him to do night feeds/ be alone with the baby at night?

Bloody hell OP that’s bad. He can’t be trusted!

I'd drop his x-box out the window.

He needs to get his priorities right.

YANBU

YANBU my DH fell asleep with his knees up and the baby on his thighs when DD was newborn obvs his knees dropped and the baby fell onto me waking me I never allowed him to do a night feed again with her or the other 2

I'd drop his x-box out the window.

Twice.

Then I'd kick him out.

A man cannot get post-natal depression.

Some men rise to the challenge of parenthood. Some don't. Most women do.

OP in your position I would assume all responsibility for my child, I would never trust him not to drop her, and I would have a serious think about what sort of partner my husband had turned out to be.

Fully agree with PP that this is DARVO.

He is comparing dropping his newborn baby on the floor TWICE with you occasionally breastfeeding in bed while following guidelines? Honestly, fuck him.

Is there a sensible friend in real life you could talk to about your relationship with DH? He sounds like a total prat to be honest. He doesn’t respect you, even when it comes to the safety of your child. There’s nothing wrong with quietly making plans to leave (even just in your head). You can always forget about it if he suddenly becomes nicer and more reliable.

Lots of people drop their babies!? They really don’t. We’ve never dropped any of our babies!

I was dropped at three days old by my father. I have a tiny two stitch scar by my right eye. He was bouncing me on his lap, and sat next to one of those old old old bedside cabinets with really sharp corners.

He lost grip, and I bounced off to one side hitting my face on the corner of the aforementioned cabinet, and fell to the floor.

Cue my mother going absolutely berserk and rushing my bleeding face into A&E.

I was lucky not to lose the eye apparently, had it hit even the slightest bit closer.

My father is an absolute 🔔🔚. Retired policeman, who buggered off and had an affair when I was only two, and abandoned my mother, my newborn brother and I for another woman. He has two other children of whom I have never met. He wanted nothing to do with us when he left, haven't seen him since.

Careless men like this are a fucking scourge.

YANBU

I also have a 3 week old baby daughter and my biggest fear is either myself or my partner falling asleep whilst she is in our arms. I would definitely put your foot down right now with your DH if he continues to stay up that late then he's banned from being up with her in the night end of and don't back down on it. I drill it into my partner how important sleep safety is. I would punch him in the face if he ever did that and he goes to sleep at reasonable times! I hope you get get some sense into your DH going forward 🙏

I'd ltb. Sorry if it sounds dramatic but I would. He should be devastated and apologising instead he's gaslighting you. I just couldn't put up with such an imbecile. Right now you have no choice but to do all night feeds incase it happens again but going forward something needs to change.

I gave mine the bollocking of his life when he nodded off and let DS 6 months roll off a caravan settee on to the floor having told me to stop worrying about him having baby on the sofa with him when he was tired from driving. The French dr made it clear he was not impressed with what had happened.
When we were back in the caravan after our visit to A & E he got the bollocking (in a quiet voice as our older Dc was there - but he understood how furious I was) and he never once tried to justify what he’d done. It wasn’t the first time I’d asked him not to have the baby on the settee with him when he was tired and he’d ridiculed me before - but not when he’d let him roll off and we ended up in A& E.
If yours is rubbishing what you’re saying after what has happened - twice - he is a total imbecile.

I was thinking I was going to feel sorry for him being exhausted with a newborn. But instead of newborn exhaustion he is actually just tired from chilling and gaming?! Unless he works in a bar or something in which case 1am is a normal time to go to bed, that's insane. He is making choices where the logical consequences could easily lead to injuring your baby or worse

Has she been checked for fractures?

He's gone to bed and I'm awake sorting the baby, I'm on the sofa bed so I can safely breastfeed and pop her in the Moses basket for me to sleep. I made him go to bed at 9pm and he wasn't talking to me anyway except to say ' why are you blanking me?' Which I ignored and then 'how do you think that makes me feel?' Which I also ignored. I have a busy day tomorrow so hopefully I will be up and out of the house before he gets up. She is absolutely fine, I'm a nurse so doing neuro obs for 24 hours and she has no bruising etc, thankfully we have squidgy thick carpet and a rug that's thick on that side of the bed. I will never allow him to see to her at night again. If I go back to work after my maternity leave ( and it's a big IF in light of what has just happened) he will not be looking after her while I work nights, she can go to my mums. I told my mum tonight what has happened and she is cross too. Especially as he is being such a dick about it and won't take any responsibility for it.
I have lost a huge amount of respect for him and it is going to take a long time to get any of that back. I'm gutted really as I have step children and he has always seemed so attentive and careful with them. Lesson learnt from my end and if he doesn't mature and stop the childish late nights then I will be reconsidering my relationship all together.
Thanks for all the helpful and supportive reply's. I will leave the thread as it is now as I have the support and advice that I need.

My son rolled off the bed during a nappy change following a night feed. He was probably 7/8 months old. I cried for hours, so much so that I couldn’t even talk properly on my panicked call to 111. I was terrified that I had hurt him and the most cautious person during night feeds and changes, probably took it to far and tied myself in knots. How can he drop your baby and not be concerned enough to allow it to happen 3 weeks later ? It’s a huge concern OP.
I wouldn’t leave him with the baby at all and completely ban him from so much as lifting her out of her crib in the night. If you don’t take drastic steps this could end terribly.

I would take the baby to A&E. The second incident only happened a day ago and I would want to be reassured that she is OK after two falls.

Make sure your DH comes with you as this will help to emphasize how serious it is. Hearing from another professional might help to change his attitude.

I also agree with this ^ OP.

If you're a nurse and he's still trying to minimise it then I would frogmarch him into a&e with me. 1) because yes she is a tiny newborn and does need to be checked over for peace of mind by and 2) because he needs a scare. A big one.

He's also someone's ex for a reason. Don't judge someone's decency by their Disney dad act. If you're not comfortable leaving her with him overnight while you go back to work then I would be making an out of the relationship. He's dropped her twice and he's STILL trying to make you feel bad about literally anything while you're still postpartum. He's just an awful, awful man.