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AIBU?

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Original poster

I’m not sending Christmas cards this year, I’m donating to charity

160 replies

UseAMuckySock · 13/12/2022 20:30

Why is everyone announcing this on Facebook lately? Are we supposed to tell them how amazing and thoughtful they are?

OP posts:
PatientlyWaiting21 · 13/12/2022 22:11

They’ve been doing this for years, it’s embarrassing.

emmetgirl · 13/12/2022 22:11

I haven't sent a Christmas card in over 20 years.

Flapjackquack · 13/12/2022 22:15

I don’t care if people send cards or not. I only send around 5 to elderly relatives who like to receive them. It’s the need to tell the world as if it makes them somehow superior. It doesn’t. You can simultaneously not send a card, donate to charity, and not tell the world. I doubt someone will be crying into their cornflakes because they didn’t get a card from Fred and Mary.

ohioriver · 13/12/2022 22:17

I don't think I'm superior in any way at all.

Beautiful3 · 13/12/2022 22:52

A few years ago i stopped spending £20 on cards and stamps, sending it to a charity instead. I can't afford to do both, and think it's nicer to donate instead. We choose a different charity each year. I think people announce it on sm, so that relatives/friends know why they haven't received one.

Allsnotwell · 13/12/2022 23:13

I think people announce it on sm, so that relatives/friends know why they haven't received one

I think posting the same message for 10 years is a bit much - one of my friends posts every year - I’m hardly standing by the letter box hoping she’s remembered me this year!!

Most people send texts and emails instead - and don’t post about it on FB

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 13/12/2022 23:15

I've been doing it a few years now. I make a donation to the cat rescue where my cats came from.

I "announce" it on fb so I don't have friends and family wondering why they haven't had a card from us this year and thinking we are being ignorant or have forgotten them.

Helpusg · 13/12/2022 23:19

I donate money to charity all year round but don’t announce it on FB. I also send Christmas cards because they are a nice way of keeping in touch and I like doing something daringly retro.

TheOriginalEmu · 13/12/2022 23:40

ohioriver · 13/12/2022 21:43

@TheOriginalEmu I am sorry Flowers

And I’m sorry about your mum. I also lost my mum this year and it’s a very specific kind of Grief I think 💔
take no notice of the cynics and just miserable people and do what makes you feel better. You deserve that.

TheOriginalEmu · 13/12/2022 23:43

Flapjackquack · 13/12/2022 22:15

I don’t care if people send cards or not. I only send around 5 to elderly relatives who like to receive them. It’s the need to tell the world as if it makes them somehow superior. It doesn’t. You can simultaneously not send a card, donate to charity, and not tell the world. I doubt someone will be crying into their cornflakes because they didn’t get a card from Fred and Mary.

I can only speak for myself, but I don’t say it to feel superior, I say it to remember my child the only way I can. And to maybe get someone else to donate to a charity that helps stop others dying as they did.

Flapjackquack · 14/12/2022 08:02

I’m sorry for your loss @TheOriginalEmu, I think it’s lovely that you post for your child each year but I am still not sure why not sending Christmas cards is a prerequisite for donating to charity.

ohioriver · 14/12/2022 08:20

Flapjackquack · 14/12/2022 08:02

I’m sorry for your loss @TheOriginalEmu, I think it’s lovely that you post for your child each year but I am still not sure why not sending Christmas cards is a prerequisite for donating to charity.

Sending Christmas cards, for me, isn't a prerequisite. It is about taking the money I would've used for cards and donating it to a charity that means a lot to me.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 14/12/2022 08:31

I made this announcement on Facebook once - around 10 years ago when I realised just how much I'd be spending on postage stamps. I decided to donate the same amount to charity instead.

I now make the same Christmas donation every year , to our local soup kitchen but have never announced it since that first time. I think people stopped expecting a Christmas card from me years ago.

OoooohMatron · 14/12/2022 08:38

It's so annoying and I bet half those people don't donate the money either. I'm not sending cards this year, simply because I cannot be arsed and I shall be telling my friends that.

Flapjackquack · 14/12/2022 08:56

@AngelsWithSilverWings - I think that is a great approach

rippleraspberry · 14/12/2022 09:00

I really dislike it as a concept.

Donating to a charity is a lovely thing to do.

However it it in no way related to whether you get me a Christmas card or not. I'd still like to hear from you and for you to wish me a Happy Christmas as a friend/ family member.

It doesn't thave to be a card - could be a message - but just announcing on Facebook 'I'm giving money to charity' and then silence/ no Christmas wish at all to those you love is absolutely rubbish. It's not about the money, it's about taking a minute to send a nice message to someone.

People just don't want to make the effort.

WandaWonder · 14/12/2022 09:08

I 'love' (well not really love) 'oh it's your birthday but seeing as you have never mentioned it before I am going to donate money to buy you a goat in the congo in stead of buying you a present, see aren't I wonderful'

No not in those exact words, I would happily not have any presents

whattodo1975 · 14/12/2022 09:11

Ask them to post a screenshot confirming donation.

clarrylove · 14/12/2022 09:11

I don't like the linking of the two things. Give to charity by all means. But why give up sending a card to your friends/family to do so? Why not sacrifice something that benefits you (rather than your friend/family) if it is that important to you.

It's like the charity gifts thing where people unanimously decide, instead of giving you something, they're giving that money to charity instead. If they want to give to charity, they should do so with their gifts/own money, not some else's.

ohioriver · 14/12/2022 09:12

rippleraspberry · 14/12/2022 09:00

I really dislike it as a concept.

Donating to a charity is a lovely thing to do.

However it it in no way related to whether you get me a Christmas card or not. I'd still like to hear from you and for you to wish me a Happy Christmas as a friend/ family member.

It doesn't thave to be a card - could be a message - but just announcing on Facebook 'I'm giving money to charity' and then silence/ no Christmas wish at all to those you love is absolutely rubbish. It's not about the money, it's about taking a minute to send a nice message to someone.

People just don't want to make the effort.

But I do message people and contact them - separately - either by text, phone call or visit.

And I don't just post "I'm donating to charity" - I've actually posted what I put this year further up the thread. I do that to specifically make it about me donating to my mum's memory. I wouldn't be sending cards anyway and I just want to keep her alive even only in reflection and only on that one day that I post that. I don't post on her birthday or on the anniversary of her death because those are days that hurt me to the bone. I couldn't post those days.

I'm honestly not doing it to be I am the great I am or anything. I'm doing it because I want people to remember her. It usually prompts some sort of post of recollection from someone and that gives me great comfort. I miss her so so much and she's so far away now from what is happening and has happened. I like to think she would be proud of me if she knew how things were.

I'll stop though. I won't do it again. I didn't realise it was pissing people off so much. ASD strikes again and I get it wrong.

ohioriver · 14/12/2022 09:13

whattodo1975 · 14/12/2022 09:11

Ask them to post a screenshot confirming donation.

I have done this in the past. I didn't this year but I will do now.

rippleraspberry · 14/12/2022 09:16

@ohioriver You could just announce a donation to charity for your mum because it's Christmas time and have all of the same things. You don't have to announce that it's instead of Christmas cards.

rippleraspberry · 14/12/2022 09:17

(especially if you wouldn't be sending cards anyway - so it's actually got nothing to do with christmas cards?)

Funkyslippers · 14/12/2022 09:19

Chocrock I am so tempted to post that on FB! Maybe after I've had a couple of wines tonight

ohioriver · 14/12/2022 09:20

I used to send cards though until my mum died so I say it's in lieu of cards because that's where the money comes from. It's what I used to use to send the cards with.