Re a dog on Christmas Day

[Frazzled2207]

Happy to be told IABU

Mil has invited family- 7 adults and 4 kids aged between 4 and 9 for Christmas

it turns out that her friend needed a dog sitter for Christmas and MiL has offered. MiL has met the dog a few times and declared her to be chilled out but dog has never been to her house nor has MiL ever looked after the dog. dog is a mongrel and just over a year old so potentially quite bouncy. Is not however very large.

the two younger children are nervous about dogs. MiL is keen to introduce them to a dog but AIBU to suggest that Christmas Day is not the best time for this. It seems mean on the dog for starters. None of my in laws have dogs and seem to think it will all be fine. I am the only adult who’s ever had a dog, admittedly she was a nervy creature so my thinking is possibly skewed a bit.

I am mostly worried about the dog being bouncy and nobody having any control over it. Would be horrid to have to lock the dog in another room.

anyway have suggested to Mil that she has the dog ahead of Christmas so that the ddog can get used to the house and MiL. She doesn’t seem to be very keen on the idea. Is convinced that on Christmas day, the kids will look after the dog! She seems very naive about looking after the dog.

aibu?

@marvellousmaple - "Oh seriously. You wouldn't trust SEVEN adults to watch a LITTLE dog for a few hours. What on earth?"

It doesn't matter how many adults are there. If they haven't been around dogs enough to learn the body language of a nervous dog, they wouldn't recognise the signs of a potential problem in time to intervene.

And the size of the dog is not at all relevant. Small dogs bite just as often as large dogs.

OK -

Make sure the dog is well exercised and tired out. You've said you are happy to take it for a long walk - do this and your PIL need to do this as well - twice a day.

Stair gate or block off an area or put the dog in another room with familiar things, it's bed, chews, a stuffed kong, licky mat. Have classical music playing in the room. Have dog savvy people go and play with it throughout the day. Does she have a secure garden - can it go in there for a bit to play with the dog lovers throughout the days? Lots of fetch and any games it likes - again to tire it out and keep it mentally tired.

Really young children and an unknown dog are never a good mix. So don't let them mix.

Most dogs would prefer to be in a quiet space than thrust into the madness of a family Christmas. So by following this there is no drama and no risk.

I foster nervous/young dogs and have for years - in-fact I may have one over Christmas and this is my plan.

To which end of I have the foster Christmas I accept that this changes my Christmas. It adds a level of responsibility and care for the animal and the people.

Your MIL I hope realises this she doing them a huge favour - it's not you average dog sitting.

How close do they live? (The dogs owners to her?)

Would it be an option to leave the dog in its home - with people popping over 3-4 times a day to let it out and play with it and take it for 2 good walks a day?

this is a good point. I believe the friend is almost neighbour and lives very close. Will suggest this.

I think that would be the best too OP. My dog is nervous when DGC are here. She takes herself off to her crate (which has no door but is her den, her space). DGC know not to bother her when she’s in her den. She would be freaked out if she had lots of little arms reaching in to touch her - and that’s when she’s likely to snap. Or if she’s trying to lie down and children are running around, shouting and screeching, as they do.

It’s would be brilliant if you could take the dog for a walk and take him into his own home. He would be more comfortable in a space he knows. As long as someone takes him out a few times, during the day, to toilet and he is left with his toys and water he should be fine. Feed him, at his usual time, obviously.

On the other hand he could be a dog that is used to having children around and settle quickly into his temporary home. Without knowing the dog I wouldn’t take a chance on throwing him into an unfamiliar environment, which could be completely out of his comfort zone.

Would it be possible for you to go early, before everyone else gets there, and suss the dog out? (So you can gauge the best plan, just in case he doesn’t live locally).

That's a long long time to leave a young dog by itself, even with visits. Lots of dogs wouldn't cope with that, especially if the people coming to visit are strangers.

It’s not seven adults, though, because they’re not there to watch the dog: they’re there for Christmas, which is typically busy – fancy meal to cook, serve, eat, wash up; presents to open; paying attention to four children who all want their toys to have batteries and to show the adults the special amazing thing their present does; wrapping paper everywhere, people in and out of rooms, people drinking more than usual.

If you have to rota adults to dog-watching duties that’s a bit unfair – only MIL signed up to dog sit – and it only takes a moment for the adult on duty to take their eye off the ball to find the batteries/accept a mince pie/say harriedly “Yes, what is it?” to the 4yo who’s been saying mummy mummy mummy for half an hour solid, and then no one’s watching the dog in among all the chaos.

@marvellousmaple

Without knowing the adults in question, their dog related experience, their common sense levels or whether they get drunk, lairy, or stroppy at Christmas.... no, no I wouldn't.

I've been doing this job over 20 years. In that time the stupidity I have seen from adults, surrounding dogs is absolutely monumental.

And that is adults who chose a dog, have had multiple dogs, live with the dog in question full time.

THe things I have seen people do at parties, in the pub etc, to dogs they do not know are again, astonishing in their stupidity.

Taunting and teasing with food, assuming the dog understands rules they've imposed in their head on a dog that is not theirs in a home that is also not theirs, so , smacking the dog in the face for getting on the sofa (where the sofa is empty, and the dog permitted to do that), chasing the dog downstairs, yelling and roaring... again, in the dogs home, where the dog is allowed upstairs...

Leaving food where the dog can get it, despite being told multiple times that food left unattended would be eaten by the dog, not to put drinks on the floor as the dog will knock them over/drink them, feeding the dog from the table when told not to do so.

Not leaving the dog alone in its own bed or crate - I recall one bbq party I was at (back when I did parties!) I found a drunk adult, on his hands and knees, head in the dogs crate with a fucking chicken drumstick in his mouth, growling at the dog. When I asked what the very fuck he was doing, he pissedly told me he was showing the dog he was boss - luckily for him, the poor dog was terrified and trying to shrink or vanish, because she could have rearranged his face very easily.

He said he got the idea from TV that you have to own the space so the dog doesn't take over (thankyou Cesar fucking Milan, your gift to dog training just keeps on fucking giving!)... wasn't his fucking dog, wasn't his house, he wasn't even an invited guest but a plus one and he'd never met the dog before in his life!

In my experience, in any family gathering there will be at LEAST one adult who will listen to all the dog related rules and then intentionally break them because 'they know better', and often these people will have never owned a fucking dog in their life.

In my family, that's my Dad. He doesn't meet my dogs any more.

I also think the risk with seven adults is that it's very easy for everyone to think someone else is watching. Add in alcohol and the general chaos of a big family Christmas, and before you know it, the dog has gotten into a box of mince pies, or is being pestered in a corner etc.

You need someone who is at least relatively sober and willing to take full responsibility for the dog - including walking it, keeping it safe from small children and making sure it doesn't eat something inappropriate.

Yes and it appears that will be me.

I should add that despite this being the wrong call by MiL, imo, the whole lot of them are generally sensible and responsible people. It’s unlikely anyone will be drunk for starters

If you are the only adult who'll be sober, you'll be the one driving a bitten child to A & E

But this dog doesn't know you from Adam.

How on earth is it a good idea that you're going to be the one to take full responsibility for it?

You sound lovely op and I'm sure you'll do a great job taking responsibility and looking after the dog.

But just to say I'm baffled by the neighbours being willing to leave their dog in a situation like this. My dogs are lovely but I wouldn't leave them in a situation like this with multiple small non-dog trained small children around. It's not fair to the dog.

Do the neighbours definitely know this is the plan??

@Pumpkintopfthank you

i’m led to believe yes but will double check

No way I'd have a strange dog around my kids.

Thanks again for everyone’s advice thought I would update. Since writing the above I had been overruled on all concerns relating to the dog.

went along about 11 yesterday and the poor creature was terrified. She clearly knew MiL a bit as she cowered under her chair and followed her round. She growled when the kids came close and fortunately the kids understood when told to not go near her when she was growling. She drank but did not eat hardly anything all day.

she was not happy when the presents came out and the kids got overexcited so I took her out for a walk with dNeice which was very nice.

things had calmed down a bit when we got back and then Tbf she was a lot happier, came out from under the chair, sat on MiL and my lap and was happy to be stroked.

we left about 7 and I believe she was picked up not long after

so not ideal but not the disaster I had feared, luckily she showed no interest in Lego pieces or mince pies though she did lick the crumbs of the Yule log.

MiL admitted to me that she was a bit naive!! And said that although she’d have her one on one she would probably not have her in similar circumstances again. Poor creature but I’m pleased she was fairly relaxed by late afternoon and that she would be in her own house place by bedtime

Glad it worked out in the end, poor dog. I hope you managed to relax and enjoy the day anyway!