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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re a dog on Christmas Day

117 replies

Frazzled2207 · 13/12/2022 19:58

Happy to be told IABU

Mil has invited family- 7 adults and 4 kids aged between 4 and 9 for Christmas

it turns out that her friend needed a dog sitter for Christmas and MiL has offered. MiL has met the dog a few times and declared her to be chilled out but dog has never been to her house nor has MiL ever looked after the dog. dog is a mongrel and just over a year old so potentially quite bouncy. Is not however very large.

the two younger children are nervous about dogs. MiL is keen to introduce them to a dog but AIBU to suggest that Christmas Day is not the best time for this. It seems mean on the dog for starters. None of my in laws have dogs and seem to think it will all be fine. I am the only adult who’s ever had a dog, admittedly she was a nervy creature so my thinking is possibly skewed a bit.

I am mostly worried about the dog being bouncy and nobody having any control over it. Would be horrid to have to lock the dog in another room.

anyway have suggested to Mil that she has the dog ahead of Christmas so that the ddog can get used to the house and MiL. She doesn’t seem to be very keen on the idea. Is convinced that on Christmas day, the kids will look after the dog! She seems very naive about looking after the dog.

aibu?

OP posts:
MaryKristmas · 13/12/2022 21:23

I was thinking that mil is bringing dog to your house, which would be an unreasonable request. However, as you're going to mil's I don't think it's too much of an issue.

What type of dog is it? We don't have a dog, but plenty of friends of ours do and whenever we've visited, my Dd has loved playing with theirs.

thelobsterquadrille · 13/12/2022 21:28

This is a really bad idea and there's no way I would take my kids to spend Christmas around a strangers dog.

Off the top of my head, my concerns would be:

The dog getting scared or overwhelmed and biting someone.
The dog getting over-excited and nipping, or knocking someone over.
The dog getting fed something that could kill it or make it very unwell - mince pies, alcohol, chocolate etc - all would require a trip to the emergency vet and cost a small fortune.

Also, nobody except MIL knows this dog. What if it's prone to resource guarding? What if it doesn't like children, or men, or strangers, or lots of noise?

Just - no.

Greblegable · 13/12/2022 21:29

I think giving ultimations (like saying you won’t come if dogs there)would be silly. The owner knows the dog will be round loads of kids and isn’t worried. If MIL is wrong and dog is stressed dog gets put in its own room and children told told to leave it alone. No big deal and no reason to cancel Christmas.

Dog will probably love all the attention !

candycane10 · 13/12/2022 21:30

maddy68 · 13/12/2022 21:20

The dig will be fine. The kids will be fine why is everyone catastrophising

I was reading this wondering if I'd mis-read "child-eating tiger" as dog.
Yes don't leave children unsupervised with the dog but other than that I think it's being completely blown out of proportion

thelobsterquadrille · 13/12/2022 21:31

Greblegable · 13/12/2022 21:29

I think giving ultimations (like saying you won’t come if dogs there)would be silly. The owner knows the dog will be round loads of kids and isn’t worried. If MIL is wrong and dog is stressed dog gets put in its own room and children told told to leave it alone. No big deal and no reason to cancel Christmas.

Dog will probably love all the attention !

Putting a stressed dog in a room by itself in a strange house could be a recipe for disaster.

What if it's destructive and destroys the place, or howls, or toilets everywhere?

carefulcalculator · 13/12/2022 21:33

Can you not just say no thanks and go the next day or something if you are bothered?

LolaSmiles · 13/12/2022 21:36

MIL's plans are unfair to the dog and the children.

MiL seems to want to play the dog whisperer, whilst passing the mental load and physical responsibility of managing the situation to other people.

Original poster
Frazzled2207 · 13/12/2022 21:38

@thelobsterquadrille
have thought exactly this but it won’t be my house fortunately

OP posts:
2tired2bewitty · 13/12/2022 21:42

Whilst I too would be unimpressed with MIL’s plan (totally something my PIL would do) I suspect that the bigger danger is the dog eating something it shouldn’t and becoming ill.

if most of the people going aren’t familiar with dogs you are going to have to make sure everyone is very clear about the dangers of chocolate and raisins.

LlynTegid · 13/12/2022 21:45

Children 'nervous with dogs' may be an understatement, if a dog who does not know them is in a stranger's house. Not kind to the dog either.

100% no.

xyhere · 13/12/2022 21:46

To be honest, I'd be more concerned about putting the dog in an environment where there are young children running around with the excitement of Christmas. That definitely sounds like a recipe for disaster, especially if the kids aren't very familiar with how to behave around dogs.

It's not safe for the dog, which means it's not safe for the kids either.

Pantsomime · 13/12/2022 21:48

Any chance of meeting it before Christmas and making some decisions in advance of the big day?

MrsWhites · 13/12/2022 21:48

Definitely a bad idea, even a dog in its own home who is used to children could react differently in an overwhelming situation like Christmas Day with kids ripping open presents, lots of loud voices etc.

I say this as someone with a very bouncy puppy - our pup is used to my parents house and loves them but our plan for Christmas Day is to take pup out for a good walk, leave him in his crate for a good nap whilst we go to my parents for Christmas lunch and we’ll then nip back and pick him up once this is all over and the house is a bit more chilled out for him.

Tannedandfake · 13/12/2022 21:51

What’s the relevance of the dog being a mongrel?

Although agree it’s a recipe for disaster

ToffeeEl · 13/12/2022 21:53

Maybe she could talk to the owner and explain the situation and ask relevant questions? We don't know the full story or temperament/experiences of the dog.

Is the dog used to strangers or busy environments

My family have always sat dogs for other people last minute, but respect and space for the dog is just fine

(Just btw being a mongrel makes no difference, try not to judge dogs on that)

mrsm43s · 13/12/2022 21:56

Surely as long as all the parents supervise their children at all times (which they should be doing anyway) then no harm will come to the children, and the children won't be leaving anything laying around that would be toxic to the dog.

If the owner and MIL who know the dog's temperament think the dog will be OK, then it probably will. But the children still need to be supervised (by their parents) at all times around it. It's very unlikely that MIL would have agreed to look after the rare kind of dog that would pose a threat to fully supervised child.

It's up to MIL who she invites to her home. If the children's parents are unwilling to adequately supervise their children, they are surely welcome to decline the invitation and cook their own Christmas dinners!

I say this as the owner of both a dog and children (who were always supervised around the dog).

marvellousmaple · 13/12/2022 21:57

It's a little dog people. For goodness sake. If 7 adults can't sort a little dog then that's a bit of a worry. So much drama over nothing.

Strangeways19 · 13/12/2022 22:05

I love dog's but I don't think I'd agree to this unless I knew the dog well. You might be lucky & the dogs might be really chilled & not bothered at all about the children or being in an unknown house.
But then again it might not work. I'd ask your mil if you & DC's could meet said dog before Christmas day, ask her to arrange a test meet up. If there are issues you'll know about it

toomuchlaundry · 13/12/2022 22:05

Not fair on the dog

Beautiful3 · 13/12/2022 22:06

My dog is fine most of the time. However when he's feeling stressed/anxious he does bite. You'll have to ask mother in law to put up a child gate, perhaps keep it in the kitchen? I'm sure the dog will be fine, but have to tell the children to ignore it.

aSofaNearYou · 13/12/2022 22:08

It was rude of her to agree to dog sit without checking you were alright with it if you're hosting. I like dogs but I wouldn't want one in my house.

paintitallover · 13/12/2022 22:09

Obviously your kids can't be used to test the dog's reliability with children!

toomuchlaundry · 13/12/2022 22:09

If a dog is not used to being shut in a room that might not go well, especially in a strange home. The dog could get over excited and if young could get nippy, especially with young children shrieking. Many Christmas things are not good for dogs eg chocolate. Can you ensure a young dog with lots going on won’t get hold of something they shouldn’t

Greblegable · 13/12/2022 22:09

thelobsterquadrille · 13/12/2022 21:31

Putting a stressed dog in a room by itself in a strange house could be a recipe for disaster.

What if it's destructive and destroys the place, or howls, or toilets everywhere?

Show quote history

How likely is this though? The owner thinks the dog will be chill with crowds and children and you think it’s likely to start shitting and tearing up the place? it’s not a recent rescue with unknown temperament.

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/12/2022 22:10

That’s a really, really stupid idea.