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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re a dog on Christmas Day

117 replies

Frazzled2207 · 13/12/2022 19:58

Happy to be told IABU

Mil has invited family- 7 adults and 4 kids aged between 4 and 9 for Christmas

it turns out that her friend needed a dog sitter for Christmas and MiL has offered. MiL has met the dog a few times and declared her to be chilled out but dog has never been to her house nor has MiL ever looked after the dog. dog is a mongrel and just over a year old so potentially quite bouncy. Is not however very large.

the two younger children are nervous about dogs. MiL is keen to introduce them to a dog but AIBU to suggest that Christmas Day is not the best time for this. It seems mean on the dog for starters. None of my in laws have dogs and seem to think it will all be fine. I am the only adult who’s ever had a dog, admittedly she was a nervy creature so my thinking is possibly skewed a bit.

I am mostly worried about the dog being bouncy and nobody having any control over it. Would be horrid to have to lock the dog in another room.

anyway have suggested to Mil that she has the dog ahead of Christmas so that the ddog can get used to the house and MiL. She doesn’t seem to be very keen on the idea. Is convinced that on Christmas day, the kids will look after the dog! She seems very naive about looking after the dog.

aibu?

OP posts:
AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 13/12/2022 22:11

maddy68 · 13/12/2022 21:20

The dig will be fine. The kids will be fine why is everyone catastrophising

maddy68
why is everyone catastrophising

Because they are not stupid?

Because dogs can and do tear a child's face if they bite it, and cause lifelong trauma and disfigurement. Because as far as we can tell nobody who is going to be there apart from MiL knows this particular dog all that well if at all, and nobody knows whether it may react badly to a horde of strangers some of whom are excited children. Because not one single child killed or badly injured by a dog was killed or badly injured because the people with the dog people expected that to happen.

It may be unfair on the dog; if anything goes wrong it will be pretty damn' unfair on a child too, if one is involved.

Risk assessment for goodness' sake!

ps: even the best trained and most loving dog who has known a child all its life my bite if the child does something the dog sees as a threat. I know this for a fact; it was my fault, and my mother's question, "what did you do to him first?" was entirely justified, and he and I got on fine together afterwards, but I still got bitten because he thought I was planning to take his food from him.

pps: the dog in question was a dachshund, and I still have the scar more than sixty years later. Small dogs are just as likely to bite as larger ones.

Mischance · 13/12/2022 22:12

100% NO from me too - crazy idea. I would simply not go. Can you organise a Christmas at your place for your nuclear family? I can't imagine what your MIL was thinking about to agree to this.

Disneygirl37 · 13/12/2022 22:12

Poor dog! So unfair if it's use to a quiet house. My dog would go bananas if it was left in a house with 12 strangers then shut away. Not the right environment at all!
The owners and you mil are crazy thinking it will work.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 13/12/2022 22:18

I'm guessing the owners are not taking it for a reason? Could that be small children. Too many people, not good with strangers? Thinking they are leaving it with an elderly home alone couple where it will have peace and quiet. Not cool to do this.

Original poster
Frazzled2207 · 13/12/2022 22:21

Tannedandfake · 13/12/2022 21:51

What’s the relevance of the dog being a mongrel?

Although agree it’s a recipe for disaster

Simply because I can’t confirm the type of breed

OP posts:
Original poster
Frazzled2207 · 13/12/2022 22:23

aSofaNearYou · 13/12/2022 22:08

It was rude of her to agree to dog sit without checking you were alright with it if you're hosting. I like dogs but I wouldn't want one in my house.

She did ask us. All three sons have agreed. I have voiced concerns but don’t really have a “vote”.

OP posts:
Purplechicken207 · 13/12/2022 22:26

YANBU

We had several large dogs when I still lived at home. Prior to that I was terrified of dogs (we had ours from puppies so growing up with them was what cured me of being so scared before that I'd only seen adult dogs not used to kids). I'd have literally stayed in my bedroom/room away from dog if someone did that at Christmas as a kid. Add in the fact the dog may not be good with kids/lots of people/noise? Terrible for the dog and possibly the kids. The timing is poor and MIL is being daft to look after a dog if she's so naive. Do the couple know she wants to include it in a family Christmas? I wouldn't let a pet of mine be taken somewhere it would be subjected to loads of people. I also wouldn't invite people if I was dog sitting. Plenty of people aren't keen/are scared/just don't want a dog around that might try and lick faces/chew presents/wee on floor/bite etc (even the best dog may do these things in unfamiliar and scary surroundings, especially without owners)

Original poster
Frazzled2207 · 13/12/2022 22:27

aSofaNearYou · 13/12/2022 22:08

It was rude of her to agree to dog sit without checking you were alright with it if you're hosting. I like dogs but I wouldn't want one in my house.

We are not hosting. We are going to her house. Her house her rules I guess

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 13/12/2022 22:31

We are not hosting. We are going to her house. Her house her rules I guess

Ah yes sorry I misunderstood. Still, a decision I would not have made knowing I had lots of guests over for their sake as well as the dog's.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 13/12/2022 22:38

It's not fair on the dog, or on anyone else. Your MIL is being very naive. Another thing to watch out for (apart from it eating unsuitable food) is leads and cables - my dog chewed through two cables in a couple of minutes when she was first here and left alone in the lounge, thankfully neither was plugged in. But obviously we have needed to be very vigilant.

bozzabollix · 13/12/2022 22:38

Her house, her rules, you’re right.

I’ve got three dogs and know they’d be ok going to someone that they know. The biggest problem would be their breed characteristics, which means whilst they’re easy going they’re also massive thieves. Unless you’re a dog person it’s easy to forget and leave stuff lying about.

I’d be more worried about the turkey than kids with a dog in the house.

unsync · 13/12/2022 22:40

Poor dog to have such irresponsible owners. This has the potential to go horribly wrong.

Original poster
Frazzled2207 · 13/12/2022 22:40

aSofaNearYou · 13/12/2022 22:31

We are not hosting. We are going to her house. Her house her rules I guess

Ah yes sorry I misunderstood. Still, a decision I would not have made knowing I had lots of guests over for their sake as well as the dog's.

No me neither. I am very much a dog person and have offered to dog sit for my neighbour but only at a time where I could be totally focussed on the dog myself not hosting nearly a dozen family members for Christmas dinner!

if I really put my foot down then she will go back to the friend and say no. But I’ll be very much seen to be the annoying one that is catastrophising.

OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 13/12/2022 22:41

I think you're overthinking this. It's a dog, not a panther.

xyhere · 13/12/2022 22:47

roarfeckingroarr · 13/12/2022 22:41

I think you're overthinking this. It's a dog, not a panther.

There's a significant bite risk here. We're talking about a dog in an unfamiliar environment, surrounded by people who a) it doesn't know, b) have no idea what its stress signals are like, and c) include very excited children.

The end result is as predictable as it is sad. The best case scenario is that the dog is stressed as hell for the whole day through no fault of its own and manages to keep a lid on it. Worst case is yet another story in the Daily Mail about a demon dog that injured a small child and got PTS.

Adults are supposed to know better than to put a dog in that position.

BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger · 13/12/2022 22:48

Sounds like a recipe for disaster, and I say that as an absolute dog lover. Poor dog will be distressed, and everyone will need eyes in the back of their heads.

Not my idea of a relaxing Christmas.

Dotcheck · 13/12/2022 22:53

roarfeckingroarr · 13/12/2022 22:41

I think you're overthinking this. It's a dog, not a panther.

I was going to say similar- it’s a dog, not an unexploded WWII bomb.

thelobsterquadrille · 13/12/2022 22:58

@Greblegable considering the dogs owners are a "quiet elderly couple" then it's actually fairly likely.

Most dogs find loud, noisy, enclosed spaces with strangers very stressful and scary. The dog also won't have it's owners there for company and reassurance - just the MIL (who it barely knows) plus 11 total strangers.

Stressed dogs often behave very differently to how they behave when they're happy. They get upset and can cry and become destructive, or toilet on the floor, or vomit.

It's like dogs with separation anxiety - they're perfectly behaved when the owners are home, but act like a totally different dog when they're left by themselves.

thelobsterquadrille · 13/12/2022 23:00

roarfeckingroarr · 13/12/2022 22:41

I think you're overthinking this. It's a dog, not a panther.

Yep, and dogs can bite and cause serious injury to children.

justcallmebozo · 13/12/2022 23:03

No, i wouldn't be happy about this. Maybe ok if you knew for sure that the dog wasn't going to be nervous or over excited by all the noise/activity, and if all the kids knew how to behave around an unfamiliar dog. Otherwise no. A risk i wouldn't be happy to take.

thing47 · 13/12/2022 23:05

Frazzled2207 · 13/12/2022 22:23

She did ask us. All three sons have agreed. I have voiced concerns but don’t really have a “vote”.

Show quote history

Are any of the children yours @Frazzled2207? You don't explicitly say.

If they are, you most certainly do get a vote. You get a vote as the child(ren)'s mother.

My vote would be no, or at least no to leaving the children alone looking after the dog, which is what you say MIL will expect.

Original poster
Frazzled2207 · 13/12/2022 23:08

@thing47
yes 2 are mine. But the older two.

OP posts:
Original poster
Frazzled2207 · 13/12/2022 23:09

@thing47
the kids will most definitely not be left alone with the dog. Possible exception for my 9 yo who is very sensible and loves them.

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 13/12/2022 23:11

Dog trainer/behaviourist hat on..

One of the major factors in dog related incidents (I won't call them attacks because they aren't all, and many are defensive bites, when they are bites at all!)...

Is a dog WITHOUT its owner, in an unfamiliar place, with children, high stress situations like parties, Christmas etc.

This ticks several of those boxes. I'd get her to say no. Sure, it might not go wrong at all, it might be absolutely fine, but if it does go wrong, it is likely to be the dog and the children who pay the price for adult errors.

If it absolutely has to happen, the dog needs to have been at her house several times before hand and ideally, met some of the people, including the kids, before Christmas day.

But I would really push for this to NOT happen.

Lola2016 · 13/12/2022 23:13

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