Re a dog on Christmas Day

[Frazzled2207]

Happy to be told IABU

Mil has invited family- 7 adults and 4 kids aged between 4 and 9 for Christmas

it turns out that her friend needed a dog sitter for Christmas and MiL has offered. MiL has met the dog a few times and declared her to be chilled out but dog has never been to her house nor has MiL ever looked after the dog. dog is a mongrel and just over a year old so potentially quite bouncy. Is not however very large.

the two younger children are nervous about dogs. MiL is keen to introduce them to a dog but AIBU to suggest that Christmas Day is not the best time for this. It seems mean on the dog for starters. None of my in laws have dogs and seem to think it will all be fine. I am the only adult who’s ever had a dog, admittedly she was a nervy creature so my thinking is possibly skewed a bit.

I am mostly worried about the dog being bouncy and nobody having any control over it. Would be horrid to have to lock the dog in another room.

anyway have suggested to Mil that she has the dog ahead of Christmas so that the ddog can get used to the house and MiL. She doesn’t seem to be very keen on the idea. Is convinced that on Christmas day, the kids will look after the dog! She seems very naive about looking after the dog.

aibu?

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Posted on the wrong thread????????????

if I really put my foot down then she will go back to the friend and say no.

I bet she won’t. If you really put your foot down she’ll put hers down harder.

Yabu because she can decide whether she wants the dog at her house or not. That’s her choice.

however, totally up to you whether decide to go, knowing the dog will be there. I’m not a fan of dogs at all so I’d decline the invite. That’s your choice.

neither of you are being unreasonable to have a different view.

No way. I think It’d be so stressful managing the kids nervousness, the dogs nervousness, the MIL will be out of her depth.

Will ruin Xmas. I do think the dog will end up locked away in another room the whole time.

If you do go, it could be really helpful to look up some dog body language and bite prevention videos on YouTube beforehand and maybe share these with other family members. Many of the initial signs of stress/ discomfort are very subtle and easy to miss, Especially if nobody knows the dog very well. Some videos are aimed at explaining dog body language to kids too.

This video is not specifically about safety but is really clear on subtle stress signals and understanding whether a dog is enjoying the interaction or not

Even if all seems to be going well and the dog is in the same room, it's a really good idea to give the dog a safe space, a bed or similar, somewhere where they feel secure but also have a escape route if needed. It's really important that nobody touches or interacts with the dog when it's in it's safe space.
All the best in whatever you decide to do.

I think you missed the point that the OP isn't the host. She's concerned both for the dog and the kids.

I have a problem (and I definitely do judge) re this. And I’m not judging you, OP - you sound really sensible.

My main judgement is for the owner. Sorry, but what relatively sensible owner thinks that leaving a juvenile dog with 12 strangers (on pretty much the most hectic day of the year) is a good idea?

Yes - the likelihood is that said dog is not going to eat the faces off all the kids, rip out the ankles from the adults and then stuff it’s face with the turkey dinner.

But that dog is going to be in a house that isn’t it’s home, with 11 people it doesn’t know (plus one it might know vaguely) on a day that is likely to be fairly busy/noisy etc (and no reason the day shouldn’t be like that). It’s not fair on the dog.

OP - you sound great, thank you for considering both sides of the problem.

Really annoys me with the “oh it’s not a panther/tiger/whatever” comments. It’s not always about an attack on kids, it’s about what is right for the dog. There’s a reason it’s recommended that new dogs don’t get given as Christmas presents - it’s a really stressful dynamic to bring any new animal into.

Christmas is high risk for all the domestic pets really.

People who are unfamiliar with animals, or strangers to this particular animal, who may over-step the boundaries and not read body language correctly.

Animals can be easily overwhelmed by one or two strangers, so a whole houseful of strangers is a recipe for some sort of drama.

Drinking - lowers human inhibitions, which can really alter body language and behaviour, further exacerbating the above two problems, really freaking out dogs and cats.

Theres more food unattended: chocolates, mince pies, christmas cakes, yule logs, cooked bones, alcohol (particularly creamy stuff like Baileys, Advocaat), hot chocolate with alcohol in it... all of this can kill a dog or cat easily, particularly if no one notices due to being busy, tired, drunk etc, that they've eaten it or that they're showing signs of illness. Or of course, they don't know the animal well and so don't recognise signs of illness.

Add in that the dog in this scenario is young, in a home they're not familiar with, with NO familiar, safe, reliable person they have a history of responding to, being rewarded by, their owner is away which also increases the chances of a problem.

This could, even if no one gets bitten and no one eats something they shouldn't, be a horribly stressful and uncomfortable time for this dog. The chances of things being fun, relaxing and happy for them are extremely low!

It sounds like a recipe for disaster honestly and you're going to have to look after the dog because MIL clearly thinks there's no concern. But if you enjoy dog walks then wait till everyone is doing your head in and go for a long walk. Take a flask with you so you can sit and have a coffee in a park.

7 adults and one small dog? In no way does this spell “recipe for disaster” to me.
If the dog is nervous it will retreat to its bed or a quiet space. Tell the kids to leave it alone in that case……problem solved! This kind of hysteria is why children end up nervous around dogs.
A small dog, over a year old is perfectly safe to be taken out for a long walk, so MIL should do that, tire the dog out and you will have no problems. Oh and don’t leave a load of mince pies on the floor. Yes, in theory said dog could bite, but the roof could also cave in or you could trip on some Lego and bang your head!! It’s one small dog, it’s not a child eating tiger!!!!

Then you haven’t read the thread. OP isn’t the host.

I’d want to meet the dog first, dog probably will be fine but I’d want to ensure the dog was left alone when eating and had somewhere to take himself off to if he wants to sleep /rest/chill out. Is dog going to pinch things, will he release?

Children need to know not to touch dog when eating, sleeping and get an adult if dog takes a toy/ not to remove it from dog.

If the dog is nervous it will retreat to its bed or a quiet space. Tell the kids to leave it alone in that case……problem solved! This kind of hysteria is why children end up nervous around dogs.

It's not being hysterical to point out that a young dog in a busy house full of strangers and children who are wary of dogs is a recipe for disaster.

I agree with you that some adult attitudes to dogs prompt children to be nervous about dogs, but most of this thread is concerned for the safety and wellbeing of both the children and the dog.

Some dogs do love being round noisy and excited kids. My dog does she loves getting stroked by random children and will roll over for a belly rub if she thinks she has a chance. She’s been raised with kids though. I wouldn’t be at all keen on your setup though.

Depending on the set up of the house and where the dog is allowed, there may not be a quiet space to go to

i would be more worried about the dog eating something dangerous to it than anything else happening. Too many people including children not used to dogs and lots of banned foods could spell disaster.

I have dogs, and Xmas day isn't the time to be introducing a dog to a bunch of people it doesn't know, with kids revved up and excited and adults all chatting, eating and drinking.

If you can't say no, simply say the dog has to stay in the kitchen or another room whilst presents are being opened and the exciting and loud bits are going on. The poor dog will be nervous anyway, add to that screaming and hyper kids.

The dog is going to be in a strange house full of people he doesn't know.

He won't have a safe space to retreat to because it's not his home, and if the MIL has any sense, she won't leave the dog unattended and alone either, because it's only one and could easily become bored and destructive if left by itself in a strange environment.

I once fostered a little dog while it's owner was in hospital. She never had accidents in her own home and could be left for hours, but while she settled in my house, she was terrified of being left and would pee on the floor.

Lol this is the only positive in the situation I am possibly more likely to find in laws a bit much than the ddog. Will very gladly look after the ddog and take her out.

We had my parents in law round with their dog one Christmas. We knew the dog and obviously they were there with him too. Honestly it was awful. The dog cried and whined all day, he was put out the room while everyone ate and barked continually. Even when he was with us he paced round constantly, panting as he was stressed.

This was a dog who had visited and stayed at our house frequently. Hopefully all will be well but seems silly to make christmas the time to try it.

Oh seriously. You wouldn't trust SEVEN adults to watch a LITTLE dog for a few hours. What on earth?

@marvellousmaple I'm not the person you're responding to, but I also work with dogs and I would not put an unknown dog in this situation - for lots of reasons, not just the bite risk.

My main concern is that Christmas Day is full of foods that are toxic to dogs - sultanas, onions, grapes, chutneys, mince pies, Christmas cake and pudding, chocolate - and with small children, those things are likely to be dropped on the floor or left on plates in easy reach of the dog. If this is a small dog, it won't take much of any of those foods to make the dog seriously unwell.

But the bite risk is pretty big too. Unknown dog in a house full of strangers with no owners around to provide stability or reassurance. Add hyper children, lots of noise and bustle, and alcohol into the mix and someone will inevitably forget to watch the dog.

There are just so many risks here. It's not fair on the dog to put them in that scenario - especially because if a bite happens, they're likely to pay for it with their life.

It's not ideal but it's not completely impossible. When you arrive, introduce children to dog in a calm, quiet way. Let the dog approach them for a sniff if she wants to. Then pop her away in another room with a crate/bed and some toys. She'll be fine and likely sleep most of the day.

Dogs don't need long walks to "tire them out" but you may want to take her out in the afternoon to get some fresh air.

I disagree with you there @PinotPony - "Then pop her away in another room with a crate/bed and some toys. She'll be fine and likely sleep most of the day."

No. An old/calm dog maybe (still not fair to the dog) in a calm quiet house. But a young dog? In unfamiliar surroundings? With all the activity/noise it will be constantly hearing? Very unfair to leave him in that situation all day. Not something any responsible dog owner would do to their own animal.