That people shouldn't start threads they can't deal with?

[toffeeapple77]

Just that really - too many threads that people have to have moved / deleted because they don't care for the replies! Happens too often and makes posting replies a waste of time !

MN appears to be a blood sport for some who post on here. I don't really start threads anymore as the wilful "misunderstanding", reframing, twisting of comments/opinions and general bad faith, is beyond tedious and stops useful discussion in its tracks while you defend yourself and explain that "no of course I didn't mean that". When threads are going downhill I routinely make my point and then hide the thread and never think of it again

Disagree op.

It shouldn't get so nasty that a poster feels they have to do this.
Posters bringing up past threads or linking threads, saying all the usual tripe.
It can only be a handful of harridans with nothing better to do because most posters here are wonderful!

I agree with you OP. Does not encourage resilience.

And it's when a clearly funny light-hearted thread gets absolutely strangled by these joy sucker's...I don't know why MN allows them.

@TiAmoTiAmo 🤣 at tagging yourself, that’s the kind of thing I would do!
It is a good point too about others reading your responses. There was one the other week that was like it was for me and the poor OP had loads of advice which I took on board too. It’s surprising how many people read / lurk; with the voting buttons, you can see how many people are reading too which surprises me.

So what could happen on your thread is someone saying, you started this thread op., You don't like the replies why start it?
You need help,do you see a doctor? Your poor DC having such an unhinged DM.

Some times a person will post and some idiots will ignore their post and focus on a grammatical error or a particular word used and call out the op for being nasty or misogynistic. Other times the first few posters set the tone and it becomes a nasty pile on. There are particular posters that always go against the poster, sometimes vehemently so.

I try to answer the actual question, my response can be blunt. I always hope it is helpful though for the op to see someone agrees with them or if I offer an alternative view so they can see why.

I think it's fine to ask for a thread to be deleted.

Yeah but aibu is fucking brutal sometimes and people twist things like l have never seen before. There is some serious gaslighting in there sometimes and you always get once poster that has to stick the knife in when someone is clearly down.

Fair enough, but there was a thread recently where OP said in the first post that she had been struggling with suicidal thoughts and bad mental health.

There was still quite a few replies basically saying she was an inadequate mother (she wasn't), asking her how she will cope when her husband inevitably leaves her, all sorts of vile stuff. I was very glad when the had that thread deleted.

There should be a banner across AIBU reminding people that they can hide a thread and should do so if it becomes distressing.

Also, that people are not always what they seem- some are just here for the bun fight, and will stir the pot accordingly.

I think that posters who reply on AIBU threads with versions of 'you're stupid to think that HTH' should have their posts automatically deleted. That HTH really grates. So much passive aggression in 3 letters.

All too often the first few replies will determine how an AIBU thread will go.

Regarding drip feeding sometimes the OP can't win. Put the back story in the first post and there will be a number of replies saying TLDR. Add the back story later and the OP will be accused of drip feeding.

Mumsnet shouldn’t entertain them by deleting them.

Oh yes.

To be fair if I see a sensitive subject in aibu I tend towards troll. Surely if you really need help and the replies might be triggering then I would post in any other part of mn. Much more sensible to avoid aibu like the plague.

I do think people with issues of their own are vile on threads these days. There are unquestionably more of them, and they often ruin threads.

Unfortunately aibu is where you get the most traffic. In special needs or neurodiversity for example, you can be waiting weeks for a response and they are obviously not a broad range of advice.

This. I posted something the other day that made me sound like a complete arsehole. It made me realise how easy it is to sound horrible (i did apologise).

I agree this is quite common, the op says fhey have concerns about privacy and it’s deleted. If this was true it should be deleted but often you can see there is nothing identifying it’s just they don’t like the answers

I think some folks start threads thinking they will be validated and told they are right, and get quite pissed when they realise everyone thinks they are wrong. They then decide everyone responding Is an arsehole and the responses are rude as they don’t like them.

Aibu is pretty much fictional. Space for writers to try out ideas and get ideas in return. The occasional masochist who enjoys a good kicking. People trolling for boredom. Sometimes a competition to get your thread into the papers. And very occasionally someone clueless.

If it's a new poster with a backstory (isn't there always a backstory, revealed three posts in) then it's not true, is a pretty good rule of thumb. Hence why people reply in the spirit of the thread - taking the piss.

Unfortunately people with mh sometimes need the support/reinforcement so go seeking it.

Yes my pet hate

It’s not “just” handling the fall out from threads.
It’s being outed or recognised.
It’s the fact that an employer can put your email into a website and bring up all the social media associated with that. So they can immediately see your Twitter, Quora Youtube, Tik Tok and possibly Instagram and Facebook (if they aren’t locked down). They can also see you have accounts on Mumsnet, Tattle, Reddit etc although not necessarily the content. They can follow the information you give to build a profile of you. This is without Google tracking you across the internet and building a profile of you and let’s not even start on Amazon. So anything you say in haste or anger can be forever linked to you.

I’ve gone a little off track but this all is why people get threads deleted.

A few years ago now I was going through a hard time and posted in relationships (so not even aibu!). I think I worded it badly and it came across not how I meant and people were really horrible to me. I asked MN to delete it and at first they said no. I had to basically beg and tell them I wasn’t in a good place mentally etc. They finally did delete it but it was quite upsetting. People don’t just disagree, they can be actively spiteful.

In my time here I’ve learnt that you just cannot predict how a thread is going to go. So you post in good faith, maybe get support but maybe get a kicking. You don’t know until it happens.

I posted a thread a few years ago (on a different account) and as soon as one person was nasty, a whole flock followed after. I had people swearing at me, calling me a bitch, brat, cunt etc so I had it deleted. I feel like the very first reply to a thread sets the tone for the rest of it

You are aware you can hide threads, yes? Your mental health would only suffer if you didn’t have the self control not to keep going back to it.