That people shouldn't start threads they can't deal with?

[toffeeapple77]

Just that really - too many threads that people have to have moved / deleted because they don't care for the replies! Happens too often and makes posting replies a waste of time !

My annoyance is when the OP asks for advice, gets a bunch of comments and then comes back to give a huge backstory about why certain relevant things are triggering, or that they suffer from anxiety, etc. Those things should be in the opening post, then responses might actually be kinder.

It ends up looking like OP doesn't like the response so then throws that in to make people feel bad. (which may or may not be the case, we can never know)

I think it's the threshold for having a thread deleted. A big pile on akin to harassment - delete. I don't like the flavours of the replies - the thread stands. It's a qu of good moderation.

Hilarious reply by OP.

MN gold.

I think a lot of threads take on a life of their own, with people projecting their own experiences and frustrations onto the OP. You see it a lot, especially on threads to do with MILs, where the scenario some people are responding to bares almost no resemblance to the scenario the OP has outlined.

I think that's just a risk of posting somewhere like this. The thing to do is just leave the thread, hide it if necessary, and remember it's not actually anything to do with you. No need to ask to have it taken down.

I can understand when there has been loads of replies not replying individually but on a short little thread and you ignore some and acknowledge some is so rude.

I’m not sure - what do people want to see that they feel they are missing out on when a thread gets deleted?

Invented backstories to explain why ... really ... they are absolutely being reasonable ... always the most fun part of aibu.

See, I don't think there should be a threshold. People should just be able to choose depending on how they feel.

It's just a chat forum, not some kind of formal archive.

I think it's better if the OP leaves, the thread stands, it's just a moment in time (and gets forgotten.)
People seem very quick to delete when really they don't like the replies.... which sort of defeats the point of asking a random group of people a question! (I'm referring to aibu here.)

Yes I'm aware. But I don't really like the tone of your reply.... it's upset me that you'd be so snarky to suggest I don't know how mumsnet works so I think I'll ask for this to be removed.

😂😂😂

This! 👏👏

I agree with this. So many threads someone asks a question or for opinions and just a completely mental onslaught from posters ripping them to shreds. Post after post saying virtually the same thing and usually summarising the poster is selfish/needy/ridiculous or worse….ENTITLED. Hardly anyone gives a balanced response or gives posters the benefit of the doubt. It’s really sad to see sometimes.

Exactly! I’ve seen so many cruel and uncalled for replies. Some people come here to give themselves a buzz by being horrible

@toffeeapple77 fair enough but I don’t get why that is an irritation for the people posting replies?

This. I’ve seen some shameful behaviour on this board the last few days. You all need a nap and a snickers. Maybe have your keyboards taken away.

I think the whole Mumsnet philosophy on deleting threads is generally backwards.

People are more likely to post on here when they are vulnerable precisely because it is anonymous. But vulnerable people are not always careful to conceal their identities or able to process a range of robust replies.

People are more likely to post on aibu in a crisis. I posted on here when something tragic happened to my child and a few times after with the aftermath, because quite frankly I wanted the good stories and not just the stories of people whose lives were so utterly consumed by the situation that they frequent sites devoted to it. I was obviously very vulnerable and yet at times had to plead with Mumsnet to take them down, even when you can tell I was obviously unwell and they are rather outing.

I also started a few 'get my mind off it threads' at the time because I felt so lonely and got surprisingly vile responses. One light-hearted one left me suicidal and the other vague I like this celebrities imperfection because it's the same as mine had a pile on with people calling me anti-Semitic. A bit extreme because the thread was literally celebrating the celeb and how refreshing she was.

So yeah I don't think people owe you to keep threads that are damaging to their mental health up and I think it's only a matter of time before Mumsnet finds itself in hot water for refusing to delete threads when users are clearly suffering.

@CruCru, @CarefreeMe and @KateBain have captured it exactly - there are members of this forum who seem to make it their life mission to go out of their way to pick the OP apart, question them on a tiny nuance and generally be obnoxious to someone genuinely seeking help.
AIBU is the worst, but I've seen it elsewhere too.
It's a shame, and makes Mumsnet a far different place to when I joined.

This.

I think it varies, on some threads, the OP is obviously in the wrong, gets it deleted because its outing.

Then on others, the OP gets shat upon, because they cant do what is being suggested.

For example there was one, where the OP didnt have two pennies to rub together and the replies were like go to a hotel, catch a train. Then you are obviously a shit adult if you dont have money put aside for this kind of thing, what sort of child are your raising and once one started its like a beacon for other twats to come stick the boot in as well

Yanbu!

This. I've seen so many pointlessly cruel replies. Or replies that instantly assume the absolute worst in the OP in some cases while completely misreading the tone of the post. It's possible to make suggestions or even disagree with the OP without being rude and unkind. When people are being deliberately hurtful in tends to negate anything they say and make any kind of useful discussion impossible.

This - there are better sections where you'll get more thoughtful replies but people sometimes want the traffic that you get on AIBU.

I think posting on AIBU when you are a bit vulnerable is a bit unwise.

I don’t normally do AIBU as I normally have a good sense of if I am or not. But actually it is when you are feeling “in the thick of it” and/or vulnerable that you need a broader opinion, but definitely a valid point @CruCru

My thread yesterday (about affairs and in-laws) I genuinely expected to be told to pull my big girl pants up and deal with it (which was kind of what I thought I needed to hear) but I mainly had lovely posts empathising with the situation, and also not quite sitting on either YABU/YANBU.

I can understand when there has been loads of replies not replying individually but on a short little thread and you ignore some and acknowledge some is so rude.

@TiAmoTiAmo i think it’s part and parcel of MN unfortunately, that you can’t assume you’re going to get an individual reply to your post. I’m always miffed by this as I have given advice and shared experiences to help an OP countless time, and got no direct thanks or acknowledgment and I used to be offended but now, I’m not bothered by it. As above, it’s rare I post for advice and when I did yesterday, I was not in a good space anyway, let alone think about replying individually. And to go back on it today, seems pointless; it’ll only reactivate the thread and I don’t want to highlight it again as I got what I needed from it. I did a generic thanks and update, and I think that’s good to do.

@TiAmoTiAmo yeah particularly when you've spilled your guts and shared something personal or typed up a lengthy reply ... but I try to think that someone else might read it and benefit. I don't mean to sound conceited like my advice is so amazing or I'm such a brilliantly insightful person 😂 but I suppose the point of using forums is to talk and exchange views and ideas and of course I want that exchange otherwise I'd be writing up in a private journal.

ughhh tagged myself! What a willy😂Guess it's going to be that sort of day today 😴
the above post was for @LookWhatYouDidYouLittleJerk