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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend ruining nights out - Christmas party coming up

78 replies

Kylerd · 12/12/2022 17:44

I'm friends with a group of eight others. Sometimes we go out as a group, sometimes we invite all of our partners. Everyone is lovely and on nights out, we're all out to have fun... but there's one that takes it too far. She can be flirty with men (married or not) while sober but her behaviour on nights out is getting worse each time. No-one else in our group has mentioned it but I can see their reactions and sometimes they've left to go home straight after she has behaved a certain way. None of us are prudes but it's getting a bit much.

To give some examples, she said to one of the married men (she's also married) that he doesn't know what she can do in bed and how she's wild. This was at a party at his home while his wife was nearby. Another time she kept talking out of nowhere about how she had had breast implants years ago, stood up and started touching her boobs and running her hands all over while making sure everyone was looking.

Do I say something or just do my best to ignore? She's an adult and can do what she likes obviously but it's making me dread our Christmas night out. It's slightly less bad when her husband is there but he's usually too drunk to notice.

OP posts:
thefirstmrsrochester · 12/12/2022 17:51

Sounds like she has a problem with booze really. Very inappropriate behaviour and utterly selfish for spoiling your get togethers.

id try and meet without her and if she asks, at that point explain that her behaviours are embarrassing and out of line.

Rhondaa · 12/12/2022 17:51

Just tell her as kindly as possible. Say she gets too drunk and makes a fool out of herself. Won't be an easy conversation obviously, heavy drinkers are usually in denial, but just try to tell her and be clear it's because you're worried rather than prudish.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/12/2022 17:53

Just ask her to get her cringeworthy behaviours out of the way early on so you can enjoy your evening.

Meet half an hour early and tell her the floor is hers. Bore away.

MoanySloney · 12/12/2022 17:56

What do you all say to her at the time?

Has anybody actually told her to just give it a fucking rest, we've all seen your boobs already love? If no one pulls her up on it she will keep doing it.

DerekFaker · 12/12/2022 17:58

She sounds like an an absolute nightmare. I think tough love is the only way to go - tell her straight that she's embarrassing herself and everyone close to her.

LlynTegid · 12/12/2022 18:01

Say something, preferably today, not at the start of the evening.

Beanbagtrap · 12/12/2022 18:02

Just start calling her Dorian Greene until she gets the hint.

5128gap · 12/12/2022 18:03

You're a group of 9, and a member of the group she hadn't directly said anything to, so why should it be you who speaks to her?
Surely it makes more sense for the offended parties to speak up at the time?
The fact they haven't suggests either they don't mind as much as you, and/or they're not up for addressing it. With that in mind, if you go in there as group spokesperson, prepare for the others not to back you up and for it to seem like only you have the problem with her. Which could backfire on you if she's more popular than you think.

Kylerd · 12/12/2022 18:04

Beanbagtrap · 12/12/2022 18:02

Just start calling her Dorian Greene until she gets the hint.

I'm at work so will reply to everyone soon but this made me laugh out loud - it's so spot on, thank you 🤣

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 12/12/2022 18:05

Ignore, ignore, why should she ruin your night out. Walk off giggling to yourself, her husband can get her home if he wants to, not your responsibility.

user1471517900 · 12/12/2022 18:05

You know the adverts that tell men to take responsibility, and tell their mates to fuck off/grow up/stop being harassing.

Same applies here for you and your mate

Christmasnero · 12/12/2022 18:07

I’d leave her to it
Doesn’t really effect you unless she says it to your DH
if she had spoken to my DH the way she spoke to your friends DH, he would’ve laughed at her and told me. I would’ve spoken to her the next day and told her I found it incredibly disrespectful
I’d have decided at that point wether to continue the friendship or not. I’m not sure why your friend didn’t do anything, but you are going to be the one to do it for everyone. You’ll also be the one it backfires on, if she reacts badly.
I’d just not give her attention when she does it, change the subject, walk away, whatever.

Monr0e · 12/12/2022 18:10

What type of party is it? In someone's home? Restaurant? Club?
Are you going with a partner?

To be honest, if she's flirty when sober it sounds like she's knows exactly what she is doing so I'm not sure pointing it out to her will help.

Surely it should be the men she is flirting with who should be telling her she's making a dick of herself and they're not interested.

Personally, I'd just be avoiding her and wouldn't be saying anything unless it was directed towards me. Not sure why no one else hasn't said anything before if they've been bothered by her

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 12/12/2022 18:16

Sounds like classic histrionic-style behaviour.

emptythelitterbox · 12/12/2022 18:17

Just loudly embarrass her and she won't do it again.
Others are likely tired of her crap too.

PollyAmour · 12/12/2022 18:18

Tell her to grow up and walk away. She's an attention-seeking twat.

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 12/12/2022 18:19

I'd be absolutely mortified to be at the receiving end of that kind of behaviour and I'm certainly no prude. Just imagine if it was a bloke with similar behaviour towards the women, telling them that he'd had a penis enlargement while cupping his cock, would he get away with it? No, and rightly so. Neither should she.

Candleinajar · 12/12/2022 18:22

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 12/12/2022 18:19

I'd be absolutely mortified to be at the receiving end of that kind of behaviour and I'm certainly no prude. Just imagine if it was a bloke with similar behaviour towards the women, telling them that he'd had a penis enlargement while cupping his cock, would he get away with it? No, and rightly so. Neither should she.

Absolutely this.

stopthebarking · 12/12/2022 18:27

I'd get rid of her as a friend, if I'm honest. How mortifying!

Bollindger · 12/12/2022 18:28

You can look her straight in the eye and say.. Did you really mean to say that?
Or ask them to repeat that.

TruckerBarbie · 12/12/2022 18:30

user1471517900 · 12/12/2022 18:05

You know the adverts that tell men to take responsibility, and tell their mates to fuck off/grow up/stop being harassing.

Same applies here for you and your mate

This is true tbf.

If a bloke came on here and said his mate was sexually harassing women when drunk and engaging in all manner of lewd behaviour I'm sceptical if people would be saying "oh, just let him crack on with it".

TruckerBarbie · 12/12/2022 18:31

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 12/12/2022 18:19

I'd be absolutely mortified to be at the receiving end of that kind of behaviour and I'm certainly no prude. Just imagine if it was a bloke with similar behaviour towards the women, telling them that he'd had a penis enlargement while cupping his cock, would he get away with it? No, and rightly so. Neither should she.

Exactly.

endofthelinefinally · 12/12/2022 18:34

If she is a good friend you need to sit her down and tell her she has a problem with alcohol and it makes her behaviour totally unacceptable. She is going to proposition the wrong man at some point. This isn't normal behaviour.

TulipCat · 12/12/2022 18:37

Take some video footage of her and show it to her once she's sobered up.

squidgybits · 12/12/2022 18:40

Film her next cringey behaviour, then show it to her next day