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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend ruining nights out - Christmas party coming up

78 replies

Kylerd · 12/12/2022 17:44

I'm friends with a group of eight others. Sometimes we go out as a group, sometimes we invite all of our partners. Everyone is lovely and on nights out, we're all out to have fun... but there's one that takes it too far. She can be flirty with men (married or not) while sober but her behaviour on nights out is getting worse each time. No-one else in our group has mentioned it but I can see their reactions and sometimes they've left to go home straight after she has behaved a certain way. None of us are prudes but it's getting a bit much.

To give some examples, she said to one of the married men (she's also married) that he doesn't know what she can do in bed and how she's wild. This was at a party at his home while his wife was nearby. Another time she kept talking out of nowhere about how she had had breast implants years ago, stood up and started touching her boobs and running her hands all over while making sure everyone was looking.

Do I say something or just do my best to ignore? She's an adult and can do what she likes obviously but it's making me dread our Christmas night out. It's slightly less bad when her husband is there but he's usually too drunk to notice.

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 12/12/2022 19:31

Flutterbybudget · 12/12/2022 19:07

I’d be filming her, and posting on social media with laughing emojis and a “and here we go again” tag
But maybe that’s just me

Wow, aren't YOU the brave one.
So brave you can't tell someone annoying & embarrassing to pipe down.
So brave that your go-to response is to set someone up for mass public shaming & bullying.

What happened to dealing with real life issues in real life?

Windtunnel · 12/12/2022 19:36

I have a friend like that! She is really gorgeous and will arrive looking amazing in a tiny pub, all mens jaws on the floor!

Then dominates a lot of things and if at home will show off her new bra etc.

Not toooo flirty with men luckily, seems more to be a thing about herself mainly.

No ones ever said much aside from a bored "she's actually quite nice when she's sober" or 'isn't that the pub x got her bum out in"?

I think its really none of your beeswax, live and let live!

CarefreeMe · 12/12/2022 19:40

The issue here is that she loves attention and making a big deal out of it is going to give her the attention she wants.

I would definitely give your DH a heads up about her behaviour.

On the night out if she starts doing something I would just say something along the lines of “that’s a bit weird”, “slightly cringey” or “I think you might have had enough alcohol” you could even say it and give someone else a look of embarrassment - nothing too confrontational and you can say it in a jokey way but it makes her (and others around you) know that her behaviour is inappropriate.

If it carries on then I’d have a direct word with her.

You’ll probably find that the others are just as fed up with her but are worried about saying anything.

MsRosley · 12/12/2022 19:40

People who are actually good in bed don't need to advertise it - they let someone else do that.

Dottielottie123 · 12/12/2022 19:51

I don’t think you need to sit her down bla bla, I think the next time she does something you just need to say ‘ christ ___ we are adults now time to grow up’ or something along them lines

it is impossible that she doesn’t remember her behaviour the next day, she does she just thinks she’s funny because nobody is telling her that she’s a massive attention seeking twat

FancyFran · 12/12/2022 19:52

I would try to have a chat over a coffee.
This sounds like she can't control her alcohol intake. Dependant drinkers often 'front load' before they go out. Their self esteem is in tatters, they think they are highly amusing until they are not!
There is a very supportive thread on here for alcohol free lives. It changed my life. I am nicer, I no longer embarrass my friends. She might have no one to talk to if her husband is a drunk too. Someone showing her a little kindness maybe what she needs. Be that person.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 12/12/2022 19:55

I'd just leave her to it, long as none of the wives get upset eventually her husband will clock on and it'll be game over.

Facecream · 12/12/2022 19:55

OP - by any chance is this the woman who comes around in her bikini sometimes? On cold evenings?
She sounds familiar

SmileyClare · 12/12/2022 19:57

FancyFran · 12/12/2022 19:52

I would try to have a chat over a coffee.
This sounds like she can't control her alcohol intake. Dependant drinkers often 'front load' before they go out. Their self esteem is in tatters, they think they are highly amusing until they are not!
There is a very supportive thread on here for alcohol free lives. It changed my life. I am nicer, I no longer embarrass my friends. She might have no one to talk to if her husband is a drunk too. Someone showing her a little kindness maybe what she needs. Be that person.

Great advice.

Approach this when she’s sober, it’ll go badly confronting her on a night out, pissed.

Dont aim to humiliate her in front of everyone as suggested.
Shes doing a great job humiliating herself already.

LindorDoubleChoc · 12/12/2022 19:58

I agree with FancyFran. Kindly let her know that everyone has noticed how she gets when she's drunk and she's embarrassing herself. Ask her if she has thought about stopping drinking. You'd need to do this in person, when she's sober, and it's just the two of you. If you have the sort of relationship where you can do that then I'd encourage you to go for it.

MsFannySqueers · 12/12/2022 20:08

Sounds like something out of ‘Two Doors Down’.

FlamingJingleBells · 12/12/2022 20:12

Film her embarrassing behaviour and show both her and her husband the next day. If he shows bself up as well, then film him and shame him as well. The pair of them are shameful exhibitionists straight out of Shameless.

BertaHoon · 12/12/2022 20:29

Oh put them away darling, you're embarrassing yourself.

Should do the job.

Zombiemum1946 · 12/12/2022 20:46

My husband had a friend like this. He put up with it for a long time with the occasional word about his behaviour. Then he tried it on with me. My husband sent him a message telling him never to contact us in any form again. He had been a very good friend in many ways but the good does not mean I should have to put up with that. In the same way that the partners of the friend group shouldn't be expected to deal with her.

KettrickenSmiled · 12/12/2022 20:56

FlamingJingleBells · 12/12/2022 20:12

Film her embarrassing behaviour and show both her and her husband the next day. If he shows bself up as well, then film him and shame him as well. The pair of them are shameful exhibitionists straight out of Shameless.

rosemarysalter · 12/12/2022 21:27

It isn't really your place to say anything

If she wants to make people cringe, that's her choice

FlamingJingleBells · 12/12/2022 21:46

rosemarysalter · 12/12/2022 21:27

It isn't really your place to say anything

If she wants to make people cringe, that's her choice

I disagree. Nobody has agreed to watch a tacky adult strip show imposed on them by a colleague without any boundaries. Nor have they agreed to being subjected to lewd remarks and sexual innuendos. They've agreed to a night out & Christmas fun only, not to being subjected to sexual harassment.

KettrickenSmiled · 12/12/2022 22:16

rosemarysalter · 12/12/2022 21:27

It isn't really your place to say anything

If she wants to make people cringe, that's her choice

😂
"Not your place" - who do you think OP is - the hired help?

YNK · 12/12/2022 22:24

It sounds like she needs a good friend to give her some gentle feedback.
If her husband doesn't notice perhaps telling her gently that he's not worth all the effort she's putting in to get his attention.
If she's doing the 'pick me' dance for another reason perhaps she needs a confidant to help her see the consequences

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 12/12/2022 22:25

I would not invite her, and if asked, tell her why.

Boors need to find out the hard way.

Janedoe82 · 12/12/2022 22:30

One of my best friends is like this when she is drunk. We all know what she is like and now just laugh and ignore. All are happy enough in our marriages to know husbands aren’t going to run off with her 🙄

cantley · 12/12/2022 22:40

Sounds like she loves an audience.
I'd have a chat with a couple of the other women and see if they feel the same.
When she starts kicking off for attention if 2-3 of you just get up and walk away into another room ( getting fresh air, clearing some glasses, whatever) it might defuse her a bit.
At least you don't have to watch her making a tit of herself.

Oblomov22 · 12/12/2022 22:50

Sounds horrific. I probably wouldn't remain friends with her.

Penaltyshootoutfan · 12/12/2022 22:55

Oblomov22 · 12/12/2022 22:50

Sounds horrific. I probably wouldn't remain friends with her.

She isn’t friends with her, she’s just part of rhe same group. She clearly doesn’t even like her.

personally yes I think you will be out, I’ve a friend who can do shit like that when drunk, but we all love her anyway and she’s harmless,it means nothing.

are you worried your partner is interested?

KettrickenSmiled · 12/12/2022 23:03

are you worried your partner is interested?

And ... mumsnet bingo!

Of COURSE OP is motivated by jealousy & insecurity. Don't forget bitterness.