To be upset about the treatment of disabled people after this?

[Livingtothefull]

DH, DS & I headed off this afternoon for a planned evening out. DS is in a wheelchair. We got to the bus stop closest to us and waited for a bus. And waited and waited.

It was very cold & DS was complaining of being cold. DS can get cold more easily than us as he is not walking or moving around. Eventually left the bus stop and walked into town where there were likely to be more buses. Waited some more and eventually a bus actually came, nearly an hour by now after we had started waiting for the next bus although they should normally come every 10 mins or so.

I waited to get on the bus at the front while the driver tried to get the wheelchair ramp down. Overheard a few complaints from some other passengers 'why can't they let us on first before the ramp?'. Eventually though the driver said that the ramp wasn't working so he couldn't let us on.

I told the driver we could manage without the ramp but he refused as he said he couldn't be responsible for that. I just lost it then said we needed to get my DS on, he was cold and we couldn't wait longer for a bus. The driver said no though tried to call to find out when the next bus was coming & couldn't get any information. Some passengers gave up and left the bus to walk while this was going on, a few of them with dirty looks in our direction.

The driver said that he couldn't locate the next bus although one should arrive 'soon'. I did apologise to the driver for losing my temper, appreciated it was not his fault and he had tried to help us. We gave up then.

Finally.....a bus arrived that we could get on, although there was an empty buggy in the wheelchair space that we needed to fit around. No small children nearby so probably the buggy owner had taken the child upstairs in the double decker and left the buggy to be in the way of wheelchair users. Happens a lot.

I know this sounds like a long rant so let me know if IABU. But I just want us to have nice days and evenings out like everyone else without hassles, frustrations and upsets.

So, AIBU to complain about:

A public transport infrastructure that is unreliable despite many vulnerable people needing to rely on it. If a bus's doors were not working and people couldn't access, it would be called out of service. So why is it acceptable to have a bus in service when the ramp doesn't work?

The attitudes and behaviours of a significant minority of people. Why is it acceptable to openly complain when prioritising the disabled mildly affects them? Why is it acceptable to dump buggies (or trollies etc) in the wheelchair space?

That is disgusting @EmmatheStageRat and I am so sorry your DD is subjected to that. Yes it does tip over from indifference into hostility and downright hatred.

The other parents at the Scouts knew what had happened but none of them reached out to us. I appreciate many of them may have felt embarrassed or not known what to say; but we saw one family in a supermarket queue a couple of weeks after leaving (not the family who complained btw). They definitely recognised us and DS but not one of them greeted us; the parents blanked us and allowed their DC to come up to and stare at DS as if he was an exhibit in a zoo.

I'm gutted for your ds having to leave scouts because some twatty parents couldn't stop their entitled child from touching another child's wheelchair.

People who complain when their piss-easy existence is slightly affected by other peoples hardships should be rounded up and shot.

Disability discrimination is a huge problem.

I am so sorry OP, people are intolerant and selfish sometimes. Your son, and you deserve better.

OK I quite understand that IAB hugely U in expecting bus companies to prioritise disabled passengers and direct adequate resources to ensure they can access transport together with non-disabled people.

🙄

Sorry to hear this OP.
The ramp not working may have been no one’s fault but the intolerance and impatience and lack of willingness to help in the people around you is very unpleasant. I really feel for people (like your DS) who can’t just walk away from such people but are forced to ask them for help.

Some odd posts here - “perhaps the bus driver had GAD or was neurodivergent” -did all the other people there that evening have hidden disabilities too?

Also very sorry to hear about your Scouts experience. Your poor DS!

@lieselotte Yes they absolutely were! My son being one of them!

I was asked to sign a dnr

How often fobs come across broken ramps

Sorry to hear this. I once did a day with a wheelchair user to understand what a day in their life is like getting around London. Its a real eye opener just how difficult it is. Able body people can commute in a normal time frame say its 1hr but a wheelchair user has to factor in at least 2hrs for the same jour ey cos what if they cant get on the first bus, then what if they need ramp at station and need to call ahead etc.

I will leave you with a warm story though, at a festival in Holland, at 2am waiting for the bus back to hotel, the bus came it had no ramp for a wheelchair user, it took 5 men to lift the guy up he had a motorised chair so incredibly heavy. And noone complained. Everyone moved out the way to make space and help where they could.

I've had many mixed reactions when out with a cane. Had a lovely lady yesterday who helped me off the tram, out the station and to where I was going. (Football game. But she was going with her friends to a different entrance) I've also had people just walk right in front of me.

I'm really sorry to hear this op. We've been dealing with this for over 40 years. At one point it seemed to be improving, but I really feel it's been slipping backwards again for quite some time.

Exactly!

Unfortunately there are plenty of people who think like that.

@MarshaMelrose being a wheelchair user is not the same as you not finding your ticket. If you haven’t got your ticket to hand that is your own fault and you should get out of everyone’s way rather than inconvenience them. Needing a ramp to access a bus is not due to the op’s son not bothering to be organised. He has just as much right to his place in the queue as the next fee paying customer (and any decent person would be happy to wait).

If it is something you are truly passionate about you could look into starting your own community transport for disabled people, there are grants available

I am amused at the idea that the OP, on top of working and caring for her disabled son, should also just pop along and set up her own entire bus service

I already said all of that, though.

Yanbu. I think I would lose my shit on a daily basis if I had to contend with a disability.
It's just not good enough.

Yes a perfect example how disabled people are treated as lesser human beings. I'm so sorry you had to experience that

No you didn’t. You begin by mentioning how long the queue was, gave an example of you moving when you had lost your ticket, went on to comment that the
ramp takes ages to lower and the op’s son would be wrapped up (implying that he was fine to wait while everyone else boarded).

Too many times accessible facilties are nothing more than a box ticking experience without thought actually going into how they will actually be useful to those with disabilities.

add to that the members of the general public who too often see people with a disability as an inconvenience and things become even more difficult

No you didn’t. You begin by mentioning how long the queue was, gave an example of you moving when you had lost your ticket, went on to comment that the
ramp takes ages to lower and the op’s son would be wrapped up (implying that he was fine to wait while everyone else boarded).

No, I said the ops situation was different than mine because of there being a child involved. I didn't say she shouldn't get on or make the others wait their turn, I said I could see both sides. She said she wanted her son to get on because it was cold. But I guess they all wanted to get on because it was cold. I wasn't implying that she should wait because her son was wrapped up warm, I was saying that if she'd waited, her son was wrapped up warm.

I didn't say that anyone had a right to get on before the op, I condemned the other passengers for making her uncomfortable, I told her it was understandable she was angry.

The op posted under AIBU. I reckoned she was looking for alternative arguments. I never said that she was wrong or unreasonable. I just gave an alternative view of why other passengers could be getting angsty. And I said their response was unnecessary.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-kent-63947507

So why is it acceptable to have a bus in service when the ramp doesn't work? unfortunately because they don't have enough buses or drivers. It is shit though it should be a priority to make it work. If they didn't run the bus the next bus would be rammed and you might not get on.

The attitudes and behaviours of a significant minority of people. Why is it acceptable to openly complain when prioritising the disabled mildly affects them?

You don't know that they also aren't disabled and struggle in the cold. But yes it's not really on to mutter and complain about it. If they'd said "can I just nip on so my joints don't suffer" that might be ok?

Why is it acceptable to dump buggies (or trollies etc) in the wheelchair space? I don't know what you're buses are like but ours are wheelchair first then if no wheelchair buggies are ok, the driver should have found the owner of the buggy and got them to take it down.

If they don't have a spare bus then a bus is better than no bus for capacity until they can get it to be repaired.