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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you feel concerned about this??? Feel scared

147 replies

Hohohoo · 10/12/2022 23:18

Hi

I was speaking to a guy on the next round earlier who I usually speak too if I see him. He was with another guy who ended up asking for my number saying he’d take me out. He seemed nice. I gave him my number and he messaged me asking if I wanted him to come round to my house tonight to watch a film and take away. I didn’t fancy it because I don’t know him but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Kept texting and pestering. I asked him what he was doing and he said ‘outside yours lol’. Not sure if he’s joking but would you be worried ?

OP posts:
Onceuponawhileago · 15/12/2022 23:58

My mate had this, she called him up and said she was really sorry but she had a secret, she was having an affair with a local police officer and could not have a relationship. Things cooled quick.

Original poster
Hohohoo · 16/12/2022 09:10

Hi the only message I did sent him was the one above about not being interested in meeting anybody. The messages he sent after I haven’t replied too and that’s when he turned up with flowers. He must have known because he was asking why I was ignoring him and wether he had done something to piss me off. I didn’t reply and that’s when he asked if he could please just come round to mine and stay on the sofa

OP posts:
UseAMuckySock · 16/12/2022 10:44

Hohohoo · 16/12/2022 09:10

Hi the only message I did sent him was the one above about not being interested in meeting anybody. The messages he sent after I haven’t replied too and that’s when he turned up with flowers. He must have known because he was asking why I was ignoring him and wether he had done something to piss me off. I didn’t reply and that’s when he asked if he could please just come round to mine and stay on the sofa

But have you blocked him yet?

FOJN · 16/12/2022 11:25

Are you planning to wait until his behaviour escalates to the point where you fear for your safety and need to call the police? I suspect being arrested will make him more angry than being blocked.

You were given plenty of perfectly reasonable suggestions about how to tell this man you weren't interested but you seem to have buried your head in the sand and still hoped he would read your mind.

He may not stop even if you tell to leave you alone but he sure as hell won't if you don't even tell him to.

You are not responsible for his behaviour but you are responsible for your own and you are not suddenly helpless because you didn't invite the attention.

UseAMuckySock · 16/12/2022 11:48

You haven't blocked him have you OP? Just admit you like the drama and be done with it

BadNomad · 16/12/2022 11:52

She can't really block him now. This guy keeps turning up outside her house, but he tells her half the time, so at least she gets a bit of a warning. Which is better than opening her door and finding him standing there. She does need to make it clear to him that she is not interested in him. Not just relationships in general.

berrycakeandcustard · 16/12/2022 12:07

FOJN · 16/12/2022 11:25

Are you planning to wait until his behaviour escalates to the point where you fear for your safety and need to call the police? I suspect being arrested will make him more angry than being blocked.

You were given plenty of perfectly reasonable suggestions about how to tell this man you weren't interested but you seem to have buried your head in the sand and still hoped he would read your mind.

He may not stop even if you tell to leave you alone but he sure as hell won't if you don't even tell him to.

You are not responsible for his behaviour but you are responsible for your own and you are not suddenly helpless because you didn't invite the attention.

This.

You haven't told him you're not interested and that you don't want any further contact from him. What are you waiting for?

Lurkertoposter · 16/12/2022 12:27

BadNomad · 16/12/2022 11:52

She can't really block him now. This guy keeps turning up outside her house, but he tells her half the time, so at least she gets a bit of a warning. Which is better than opening her door and finding him standing there. She does need to make it clear to him that she is not interested in him. Not just relationships in general.

I agree with this. Tell him you do not want any more messages from him and you do not want to see him, but don't block him so you know what he is doing.

dolor · 16/12/2022 13:07

Christ on a bike, block him already. Stop pandering to his bullshit and call the police if he turns up.

Spoofus · 16/12/2022 13:29

I would have blocked him day 1

I agree its too late to block now as those messages are the only heads up she gets that he's outside her house!

Tell him you've got a boyfriend now and not to message again.

I know it's misogynistisic but a woman having a boyfriend is often the only thing that makes these creeps back off.

And he will think you're not alone at night etc

cavily1806 · 16/12/2022 14:08

He wants a shag

Getoff · 16/12/2022 14:25

Has he done anything he's been explicitly told not to do? I've only skimmed the thread, so may have missed it.

OP needs to tell him not to contact her, via any means, not to come to her house, and not to approach her in public, then block. Anything generally legal that she hasn't explicity told him he must not do, he will think is OK to do.

If he fails to comply with any of these instructions, at that point he's done something provably wrong, possibly criminal.

Getoff · 16/12/2022 14:28

I don't agree simply blocking is the right route, in this case. He needs to be set straight, otherwise, he's going to continue to try and make contact.

Ahsoka2001 · 16/12/2022 14:33

UseAMuckySock · 16/12/2022 11:48

You haven't blocked him have you OP? Just admit you like the drama and be done with it

What a nasty, mean comment, suggesting that OP is enjoying the harassment. Have you considered she hasn’t blocked him because she thinks it might anger him and make him more dangerous?

CambsAlways · 16/12/2022 15:19

You have been getting several posts over the last few days and lots of good advice trying to help you hohohooo. It seems obvious you are not going to block him, nor has he been set straight by you. If I was having this happen he would be shut down long before now, so I’m out!

MistyRock · 16/12/2022 16:08

I'm really not bit sure what good blocking him will do. Sure she won't get the messages but it's gone a bit further than that and I don't think blocking him would've stopped that. It's not the magical answer.

berrycakeandcustard · 16/12/2022 17:12

I agree that blocking him right now isn't the answer. The OP does have to let this man know though that she's not interested in him which so far she hasn't done.

So far she's only sent a message to say she's "not interested in meeting anybody at the moment" which is not a clear enough message to someone like this guy. As you've found out OP, that doesn't work as he's still contacting you.

I understand you're worried because he lives on your street, knows where you live and you're worried about him getting angry but he's more likely to be angry the longer you let this drag on.
You don't have to be mean or impolite when setting him straight but you do have to be very clear and straightforward.

Craggytops · 16/12/2022 21:06

If you're looking for something a bit softer, how about "sorry if I've not been clear, but I'm really not interested in pursuing things any further and would prefer it if you stopped contacting me".

He really does need it spelling out but I can understand also not wanting to be too blunt and trigger an angry response.

PlotTwister · 16/12/2022 23:36

Craggytops · 16/12/2022 21:06

If you're looking for something a bit softer, how about "sorry if I've not been clear, but I'm really not interested in pursuing things any further and would prefer it if you stopped contacting me".

He really does need it spelling out but I can understand also not wanting to be too blunt and trigger an angry response.

I get what you’re saying but unfortunately I think this is like opening up a negotiation with a man like this.

Craggytops · 17/12/2022 08:00

@PlotTwister maybe you're right. I guess I'm lucky not to have had the misfortune to meet anyone like this. I think I'd struggle to find the right words too, especially if I was in my early 20s.

Perhaps I'd go for "I'm not interested, please stop contacting me." I'd be tempted not to block straightaway though to see if he did stop on asking directly, as it would make me feel better to know, but block and report to police if he did.

Either way I hope you're okay OP and you've found a way.

gourmetperle · 17/12/2022 16:49

I think it's too late to block him. If you block him you won't have any prior warning if he says he is coming over and you won't know if he has sent you threatening messages. It would put you completely in the dark.

Bepis · 17/12/2022 16:57

I went through this with my ex and had to get the police involved. The police advised me to not respond at all as that could be construed as inviting a reply.

From personal experience of someone like this, I would say to block him on everything and don't answer the door if he turns up. If he approaches you in the street, you need to be polite but firm and tell him straight that you want him to leave you alone. People like his don't take vague hints, it needs to be spelled out to them clear as day.

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