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Original poster

Husband has emails from Match.com

213 replies

CluelesslyCurious · 09/12/2022 19:14

Hi all, have name changed for this one as quite frankly it’s embarrassing! For the sake of this thread I will refer to husband as “DH” although he’s far from that.

Was getting the DC ready for school yesterday when DD handed me DH’s phone. I was reaching to put it on the bedside table and happened to glance down at the screen and see that he had an email from Match.com. Just for context I’ve never looked through his phone or felt the need to. Immediately my heart began to race for reasons that are obvious!

I waited until he had come back from dropping the kids off and confronted him about it. He acted confused and said “I don’t know why would I be on match.com? It’s a spam email.” I told him to pass me his phone so I could see if it was just spam as I feel I was entitled to look to see if what he was saying was true. I typed in “Match.com” in the search bar of his emails so I could scroll through.

There were lots of emails, most of them unopened but they all mentioned him by NAME! For example, Hi , you have two profile views. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I clicked on the link and it did in fact take me to the match.com login page. I told him to login and he claimed there’s nothing for him to login to. I continued to scroll through the emails in an attempt to find a potential email that would show if he had signed up but couldn’t find anything.

May I add whilst I was doing this he was berating me calling me “insecure” and “crazy” although I hadn’t gone fishing for anything nor suspected him of such a thing up until I happened to see the email. I feel I had the right to look as his wife because if I had emails from a dating website I am pretty sure he would have something to say. I felt like I was being gaslighted. As I had somewhere to be I left it at that and as for now he thinks I believe his version of events but I have a horrible feeling in my gut that there is so much more to uncover.

Wise users of Mumsnet please give me some advice! Am I crazy?

OP posts:
Gh12345 · 09/12/2022 21:41

TheHateIsNotGood · 09/12/2022 21:29

Just a positive thought I'd add that there are a LOT of spam/scam emails out there at the moment that do address you by name. Sometimes you can tell which ones are scams if you can hover on the sender's email address without opening the email, but not always.

Bear in mind that most of these match.com emails haven't been opened so he's not actively searching nor being sneaky as he hasn't deleted them. Also that being angry at being accused of something is often a natural reaction to being falsely accused and the possible hurt that causes.

So forward the 'offending' emails to yourself (for further investigation) then mark them as Spam and Block Sender on DH's phone. Then be nice to him.
For now.

Exactly this, everyone here jumping to conclusions. I have spam addressed to my name from weird porn sites that I’ve definitely never used.

Courtjobby · 09/12/2022 21:41

Omg, I thought I had stopped these a decade ago when I dealt with someone in customer service from the State's, either not sorted then or someone else signed me up but I just found these in my spam! 😭

Husband has emails from Match.com
wickedstepmothfker · 09/12/2022 21:43

CluelesslyCurious · 09/12/2022 19:31

I will try the email reset at some point thank you everyone who suggested that. But I will wait until he doesn’t have his phone as I don’t want him to suspect that I am doing my due diligence and give him the chance to delete any “evidence” off his phone.

I would avoid doing this and do the setting your own profile and searching for him as a female user. If you reset his password you’ll never know when he was last on cos you’ll log on as him and it’ll show the account’s recently been accessed (if you see what I mean). Do the emails show a username eg love muffin or something? You could search on that? If you get no joy searching as a user then reset his password and take a look to see what his message history looks like.

WishIhadacrystalball · 09/12/2022 21:47

I’d be on high alert if this happened to me but I myself have received spam from dating sites using my name, which shows in my email address. Often it’s my name (definitely not a male name) but it’s about women who like me or are interested in me. As if it’s a simple cut and paste job for all hoping that it hits some horny guys inbox.
I know married men do do this but what gets me is why? There are plenty of ways to cheat but to go on an OLD site that you can search for people nearby, chances are your partners friend/family member/colleague would see you.

Cas112 · 09/12/2022 21:48

Spam emails wouldn't mention a profile.. maybe create a profile but not how many views your profile had. He has definitely been signed up at some point

I would ask for a password reset and go from there and log in

BatshitBanshee · 09/12/2022 21:51

Create a profile and just search by age and location. That should give you the information you need - but I'd do it quick. If he's deleted the account, most sites still keep the account up for 24hours before it disappears. Sorry OP.

BestSelfBlah · 09/12/2022 21:55

Definitely reset the password. All the info you will need is in his account settings.

Also, change his details - I changed my husbands to "I'm a liar looking for free sex".

MatronicO6 · 09/12/2022 21:56

My first guess was an old account that is getting spam emails. It can't be someone with the same name and he is mistakenly getting emails as you always have to verify email to open account. Though it is such a weird site to sign up to with intentions of cheating.

I would do what PP's have said and reset password to try see any profile.

Courtjobby · 09/12/2022 21:59

MatronicO6 · 09/12/2022 21:56

My first guess was an old account that is getting spam emails. It can't be someone with the same name and he is mistakenly getting emails as you always have to verify email to open account. Though it is such a weird site to sign up to with intentions of cheating.

I would do what PP's have said and reset password to try see any profile.

That's not true, my email address has my name in it and who ever set up their account with match.com used my name ( which I guess is their name too) and my email address. I bet the messages only use a first name

LadyLolaRuben · 09/12/2022 22:01

I've had this OP. I joined the OLD site and found his profile within 3 swipes. I said nothing and watched him on his phone until he saw my profile. He looked up at me and shit himself

HeckyPeck · 09/12/2022 22:01

Gh12345 · 09/12/2022 21:41

Exactly this, everyone here jumping to conclusions. I have spam addressed to my name from weird porn sites that I’ve definitely never used.

Show quote history

It's the reaction that's makes it suspicious. Plus how nasty he was being to OP to get her to give his phone back. Plus putting it on aeroplane mode.

dieselKiller · 09/12/2022 22:09

Courtjobby · 09/12/2022 21:41

Omg, I thought I had stopped these a decade ago when I dealt with someone in customer service from the State's, either not sorted then or someone else signed me up but I just found these in my spam! 😭

@Courtjobby Those emails probably have nothing to do with match.com or someone signing up with your email address.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phishing

BT11 · 09/12/2022 22:11

Was it in the main inbox? If it was that means it's usually a legitimate email.

Also I had a look online and you have to pay for a subscription to actually message people (after the free trial) But having a basic profile is free but you are very limited in what you can actually do.

Do you have a shared bank account? If he pays for a subscription then it'll show on his statement.

Onnabugeisha · 09/12/2022 22:14

I don’t think his reaction screams guilty as I’d have the same reaction if my DH demanded my phone and was scrolling through emails while accusing me of OLD/affair type behaviour. I’d be outraged tbh. And yes, I’m innocent of any of that.

I think it all hinges on whether he has created a profile. It’s quite possible someone else has created a profile and put his email address in. I’ve heard of jackasses doing that as a prank or to get a friend ‘out there’ after a split.

roarfeckingroarr · 09/12/2022 22:15

I get emails to my name from match.

I do not and have never had a match profile. I think my email address was sold and it has my name in it.

That doesn't mean he's innocent but it's possible.

Blocked · 09/12/2022 22:17

Yeah it depends if his email address has his name in it. Mine does and I get emails from all sorts addressed to me. Apparently I've signed up to Spanish Instagram also.

SheldonsShoulder · 09/12/2022 22:23

I walked in on my (ex) DH taking photos of himself naked in the bath. He laughed it off (he was always taking selfies and became very vain in the last few years of our relationship - I found hundreds when looking through our laptop) but a few months later I found out he’d been sending dick pics onto three young women he was working with. Trust your gut instinct.

Original poster
CluelesslyCurious · 09/12/2022 22:27

Thank you all for your responses. My concern now isn’t match.com itself. I agree with the posters who pointed out that match.com is an odd place to try and pursue an affair. I also find it very hard to believe that this frugal man also used the site after realising you have to pay to chat to people. However, the intention to use a dating website whilst married is concerning in itself. All of this leads me
to believe there is a lot more to unpack here and I can’t shake the anxious feeling that if I go looking I will find something. The aeroplane mode thing is also dodgy because he claimed he did that so no one would disturb him but surely you can just put your phone on silent?

OP posts:
Original poster
CluelesslyCurious · 09/12/2022 22:28

SheldonsShoulder · 09/12/2022 22:23

I walked in on my (ex) DH taking photos of himself naked in the bath. He laughed it off (he was always taking selfies and became very vain in the last few years of our relationship - I found hundreds when looking through our laptop) but a few months later I found out he’d been sending dick pics onto three young women he was working with. Trust your gut instinct.

Bloody hell!

OP posts:
BestSelfBlah · 09/12/2022 22:29

@CluelesslyCurious I felt the same as you.

I looked and I found and kept on finding.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 09/12/2022 22:29

I’d be inclined to believe him but the emails mention his profile name. And I’m sure Match don’t set that up without you joining them.

I used to belong to match, deleted my account and don’t get unsolicited emails from them.

Justanotherlurker · 09/12/2022 22:30

As pp have said Match.com have been spoofed for ages, it is really not difficult to match a full name to an email address and spoof an email accordingly.

Anyone doing a basic phishing course for their work place should remember this.

If there are wider issues to not trust your dh then that is something else, but be careful with approprating legitmate spam to think your DH is cheating.

Follow basic phishing protocols, as in check the email from etc etc, if you have access to his phone then search for registration emails.

Original poster
CluelesslyCurious · 09/12/2022 22:30

Blocked · 09/12/2022 22:17

Yeah it depends if his email address has his name in it. Mine does and I get emails from all sorts addressed to me. Apparently I've signed up to Spanish Instagram also.

But the email from match.com didn’t use the name from his email. Say his name on his email address is “[email protected]” and then the name match.com used is “Danny Smith”

OP posts:
justasking111 · 09/12/2022 22:31

Could be a cloned account spamming him. They're very clever these days. A phishing scam?

I get emails from exotic women offering me all sorts of sex. I get emails for Viagra. My husband does too. They piggy back onto sites that men use. Sports especially. I got cascades of porn once when trying to buy him a fishing reel from a Scottish supplier. They were very apologetic when I phoned them. I had to get my IT guy to clean up my laptop.

Apparently porn sites are popular for piggy backing onto. Even something sent by one of his mates as a joke on social media can set off a problem

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 09/12/2022 22:32

The airplane mode. I do this at night when I don’t want calls, texts etc but I know people use it to avoid getting messages that eg a wife/husband may see.