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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSS off school today but has football tomorrow

83 replies

treatyfl · 09/12/2022 13:39

DH does shift work and is working this weekend. Dss is over tonight, he was off school yesterday and today with a bad cold.

However, he has a football game tomorrow which he still wants to go to which I have to take him to and is outdoors.

A. Its a nightmare taking him because i have a 7year old and toddler so have to somehow entertain them for the duration of the game.

B. I dont think he should be allowed to go if he was sick enough to miss school?!

AIBU to say this to dh.

Obviously it benefits me if he doesn't go to football, but to be honest it's more about the treatment, like its fine to miss school you can still do hobbies. What is that teaching our 7 year old?!

Side note - he would absolutely not allow the 7 year old to do this!

OP posts:
Hobbesmanc · 09/12/2022 13:42

Seems mean. It was an unwritten rule when I was a kid that if you were off poorly maybe weds and Thursday you were kept off Friday even if you were recovering. Colds pass quickly so if he wants to play let him. Exercise and fresh will be good

Honestly it sounds like he's an inconvenience and that feels a little ungenerous

Keyansier · 09/12/2022 13:43

This sounds petty and spiteful (from your part).

Do you think the child was faking being ill? If so, then say so.

xmasx · 09/12/2022 13:43

YABU. If he's too unwell for school but well enough for football then he should miss school and go to football (and vice versa if that came up) - they're different activities and require different levels and types of wellness. For example, a headache might benefit from exercise and fresh air but would awful trying to concentrate and staring at a screen. Equally, if he's feeling hot then being inside a heated room in a collar/tie would be far less bearable than outside in shorts. Lots of things can also make you unwell for a single day or two days and you be just fine afterwards. Try to focus on not teaching your 7yo that being unwell deserves punishment.

DrWhoNowww · 09/12/2022 13:47

I wouldn’t cancel my entire weekend just because I was too ill to work on the Friday, so I wouldn’t expect children to do that either - I would do whatever I felt well enough to do.

if you’re in the U.K. this might well be a non issue as a lot of local stuff has been cancelled tomorrow due to frozen pitches so you might find the same.

spiderontheceiling · 09/12/2022 13:48

This may be a non-issue as most grassroots matches are cancelled this weekend due to frozen pitches.

Testina · 09/12/2022 13:48

Well, it’s all about “A” isn’t it?

And it’s not necessarily wrong for you to say that as a family you can’t support his football matches. However, in my divorced household my XH and I equally value our kids’ sports, so that’d be a quick text to ask if the other parent could do it - and usually said other parent would love to watch! The other option would be to go with a team mate - I’m in a football WhatsApp that has a different parent every week asking a favour…

It’s quite possible to be ill from school for 2 days and fine tomorrow. He could be “on the mend but not quite there” today, and one more night’s sleep plus football only being a short burst - fine.

Are you saying yes actually malingering today?

Way OTT about messages to your 7yo 🤣 “yeah, Ben was feeling this morning - which is great.”

EndlessRain1 · 09/12/2022 13:50

Well if he is better tomorrow there is no reason he should miss football just because he was ill today. Where does that stop? How many days post illness do you need to cancel? See how he is in the morning and, if well, take him to his football.

TrixJax · 09/12/2022 13:52

Rule in our house is always if you're too ill for school you're too ill for other activities outside school ON THE SAME DAY.
But you're talking about tomorrow. Kids bounce back quickly and he may be feeling much better at the weekend

underneaththeash · 09/12/2022 13:52

Just drop him off at the match and collect him later.

SavingKitten · 09/12/2022 13:54

Obviously it benefits me if he doesn't go to football, but to be honest it's more about the treatment, like its fine to miss school you can still do hobbies. What is that teaching our 7 year old?!

Nothing at all, because he was off school poorly, and then when better carried on his life as normal. Can’t see how your 7 year old would learn anything crazy from it. Very poor that your DH favours his older DS though.

Plumbear2 · 09/12/2022 13:55

The child could easily be well enough by tomorrow, with my kids I always take it day by day. It won't send any message to your 7 year old unless you make it an issue.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 09/12/2022 14:01

If he's well enough, he goes.
If he's not well enough, he doesn't.
It's not hard
He isn't well enough to go to school today so he didn't go.
It's not an issue. Tomorrow is another day

ilovesooty · 09/12/2022 14:03

Itloggedmeoutagain · 09/12/2022 14:01

If he's well enough, he goes.
If he's not well enough, he doesn't.
It's not hard
He isn't well enough to go to school today so he didn't go.
It's not an issue. Tomorrow is another day

Exactly but as noted above most matches will be off anyway.

edwinbear · 09/12/2022 14:38

DD was off ill from school yesterday, she's much better today so has gone in and is playing her rugby fixture after school - because, well, she's not ill anymore.

PuttingDownRoots · 09/12/2022 14:42

If it was this evening I'd agree with you. No school, no after school clubs.

Tomorrow is a new day and should be judged on how well he is then.

Cas112 · 09/12/2022 14:45

He might be well tomorrow so your opinion is obsolete

Wombatbum · 09/12/2022 14:48

YABU

it will be called off anyway though, pitches are too dangerous to play on in this cold weather

DriftwoodOnTheShore · 09/12/2022 14:50

YANBU.

One of his parents should take him. Your kids deserve better than hanging around for him.

chocolateasaltyballs22 · 09/12/2022 14:51

I think the real question here is why you agreed to take your stepson to his hobby when you don't really want to, regardless of whether his actual parent is working?

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/12/2022 14:55

How often are you left with him while his dad is working? That’s the main issue. The other is inequitable treatment of the kids. He sounds like a dick.

When you’re left in charge because neither parent is around you’re the only one who gets to decide what you do. And you have 3 kids to sort, not just one, so tbh even if the illness wasn’t a factor and you just don’t fancy trying to wrangle two kids in freezing temperate so the other can have an activity on your time you can say no. If his dad is that bothered he can make sure he’s around to do the parenting.

rainbowstardrops · 09/12/2022 15:35

Why aren't his parents sorting this between themselves? I'd stay out of it and

AlisonDonut · 09/12/2022 15:43

Cas112 · 09/12/2022 14:45

He might be well tomorrow so your opinion is obsolete

Not really bearing in mind it is her that has to take him.

I'd assume he wouldn't be going personally if he is ill.

LlynTegid · 09/12/2022 15:48

Consistency if as you note the 7 year old if ill on Friday would have to miss football on the Saturday.

Although it's probably the most exercise he gets.

Flamingogirl08 · 09/12/2022 16:19

DriftwoodOnTheShore · 09/12/2022 14:50

YANBU.

One of his parents should take him. Your kids deserve better than hanging around for him.

As a step parent I'm always baffled by comments like this. The step son is part of the family and the 7 year olds brother. I try to treat my DSD the same as my DD so if she needed taking to an activity and my husband was working then it absolutely would not be an issue.

Sprogonthetyne · 09/12/2022 16:27

It's entirely possible to be ill one day and fine the next. If it was an afterschool activity, then I'd expect him to stay off the day he missed school, but not the next day. Been ill Friday but well enough to go out Saturday, is no different to been off school Monday but in school Tuesday.