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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSS off school today but has football tomorrow

83 replies

treatyfl · 09/12/2022 13:39

DH does shift work and is working this weekend. Dss is over tonight, he was off school yesterday and today with a bad cold.

However, he has a football game tomorrow which he still wants to go to which I have to take him to and is outdoors.

A. Its a nightmare taking him because i have a 7year old and toddler so have to somehow entertain them for the duration of the game.

B. I dont think he should be allowed to go if he was sick enough to miss school?!

AIBU to say this to dh.

Obviously it benefits me if he doesn't go to football, but to be honest it's more about the treatment, like its fine to miss school you can still do hobbies. What is that teaching our 7 year old?!

Side note - he would absolutely not allow the 7 year old to do this!

OP posts:
LanguageDilemma · 09/12/2022 16:32

Hobbesmanc · 09/12/2022 13:42

Seems mean. It was an unwritten rule when I was a kid that if you were off poorly maybe weds and Thursday you were kept off Friday even if you were recovering. Colds pass quickly so if he wants to play let him. Exercise and fresh will be good

Honestly it sounds like he's an inconvenience and that feels a little ungenerous

What kind of rule is that?! My daughter was off this week wed/Thu and went back today for one day.

Would agree you need to take tomorrow on its merits. If he's well enough in the morning so be it. Also think it will be cancelled due to frozen pitches anyway, am expecting rugby to be pulled on Sunday

ChuckleGoOn · 09/12/2022 16:40

Why are you even worrying about this? His parents should be taking him, not expecting you to drag two other children out in the freezing cold.

I have made a point (well not really a point as it's never been asked of me thank god) to never get involved in my SCs hobbies or ferrying them about to and from them. They are frankly a PITA (the hobbies) and I'm sure I'll have enough of that to do when my own kids reach those ages.

If neither parent can take them, they don't go. It's never even a question that I'd be dragging the other little kids out (especially in this weather) to do it!

Flamingogirl08 · 09/12/2022 16:43

ChuckleGoOn · 09/12/2022 16:40

Why are you even worrying about this? His parents should be taking him, not expecting you to drag two other children out in the freezing cold.

I have made a point (well not really a point as it's never been asked of me thank god) to never get involved in my SCs hobbies or ferrying them about to and from them. They are frankly a PITA (the hobbies) and I'm sure I'll have enough of that to do when my own kids reach those ages.

If neither parent can take them, they don't go. It's never even a question that I'd be dragging the other little kids out (especially in this weather) to do it!

God, your poor step kids

ChuckleGoOn · 09/12/2022 16:45

Flamingogirl08 · 09/12/2022 16:43

God, your poor step kids

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Yes poor kids who have two parents who actually parent their children and don't dump it all at someone else's feet. They are so hard done to (in reality they get what most kids I assume actually want, their actual parents doing things like going to watch their matches).

alasangne · 09/12/2022 16:47

Why are you taking him? Dad can do it surely. Why is he outsourcing it to you?

ChuckleGoOn · 09/12/2022 16:47

If a parent was actually doing their job, there would be no need for a step parent to be stressing on MN about dragging her two young children out in the freezing cold to take DSS to football 🤷‍♀️

In my situation it's never been a problem, because my step children's PARENTS actually y'know...parent them?

Flamingogirl08 · 09/12/2022 16:47

ChuckleGoOn · 09/12/2022 16:45

Yes poor kids who have two parents who actually parent their children and don't dump it all at someone else's feet. They are so hard done to (in reality they get what most kids I assume actually want, their actual parents doing things like going to watch their matches).

Show quote history

It's more your attitude seeing them as separate to your family. Whatever works for you but I don't get it

ChuckleGoOn · 09/12/2022 16:48

Flamingogirl08 · 09/12/2022 16:47

It's more your attitude seeing them as separate to your family. Whatever works for you but I don't get it

Show quote history

They are part of my family but they are different to being my children. They have two parents. As do my children. Those parents happen to not be the same two parents and that's fine.

Testina · 09/12/2022 17:15

alasangne · 09/12/2022 16:47

Why are you taking him? Dad can do it surely. Why is he outsourcing it to you?

@alasangne you would know why, if all you read of the OP was the first sentence 🤣

DailyMailHater · 09/12/2022 17:27

I get involved with my DSCs hobbies if they fall when they are at our house….I married their dad knowing he had 2 children and when they are at our house they are treated no different to our joint children in that we share the care for them so if one needs taking somewhere I am happy to do it…I will never be their mum but when they are at our house I treat them like I treat my own.

i am shocked at the “ not my child not my problem” mentality when you are married to someone who has children

ChuckleGoOn · 09/12/2022 17:40

Testina · 09/12/2022 17:15

@alasangne you would know why, if all you read of the OP was the first sentence 🤣

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In our house this would mean that their mum would take them if dad was working. Appreciate can't always work like that if mum too is working or lives ages away but goes to show not all families work the same.

It wouldn't even be a question in ours. If DH was working and mum wasn't, she would come and collect them, take them to hobbies and drop them back off when DH was home or with me if I was in and she had to go somewhere.

PollyPut · 09/12/2022 17:42

How old is DSS? Do the team have reserves?

I'd be saying no if they were ill today - wouldn't want them outdoors in this cold tomorrow. Indoor match I would consider

alasangne · 09/12/2022 18:00

Testina · 09/12/2022 17:15

@alasangne you would know why, if all you read of the OP was the first sentence 🤣

Show quote history

No he needs to get a job that means he sees his kid in his contact time. That or the kid doesn't come.

Singleandproud · 09/12/2022 18:05

In our house you miss hobbies the same day if you've been off ill but other than that it's day by day. If tomorrow was a school day and he felt well enough he'd play football during free time and do PE if it was a PE day, this is no different just because it's a weekend.

However, his parents should be looking after him and running him about, not you. If DDs dad isn't free to have her then DD doesn't go to his house.

gogohmm · 09/12/2022 18:06

Many of the comments here demonstrate why most people are not fit to be step parents. I feel for the kids brought into your lives, tolerating them only if their biological parent is home.

If you are in a relationship with someone who has children with another person you need to incorporate them into the family which means sacrifices on your part. End of. I am a step parent and dad lives with us full time

healthadvice123 · 09/12/2022 18:06

@DailyMailHater you see it a lot and it makes you wonder, I mean i have taken a friends child somewhere when needed and assuming dh is working to also support current household you surely chip in
But it could come back and bite people on the bum as if they split they know their dh doesn't put his kids first

TrashyPanda · 09/12/2022 18:07

Do you have to stay?
why not take the kids somewhere/go back home and then pick him up at the end?

i don’t see the point in 3 people being bored and cold.

healthadvice123 · 09/12/2022 18:07

@gogohmm exactly and especially when other siblings as well as your children are related no matter what

Starlightstarbright1 · 09/12/2022 18:11

TrixJax · 09/12/2022 13:52

Rule in our house is always if you're too ill for school you're too ill for other activities outside school ON THE SAME DAY.
But you're talking about tomorrow. Kids bounce back quickly and he may be feeling much better at the weekend

This i think is pretty standard.

AlwaysFullOfQuestions22 · 09/12/2022 18:13

As a step parent i always took dsc to an activity on weekends if dh worked. Also he would take my dc to things if needed.
It would never work that if dh worked their dm would take them because she doesn't co parent unfortunately.
Thankfully now neither of us work weekends often maybe 4 Saturday a year

However i say. Drop him off, go for a coffee or play park with the others and pick him back up.

BruceWaynettaSlob · 09/12/2022 18:13

Obviously it benefits me if he doesn't go to football

Well, yeah. Why are you pretending it's got anything to do with him being ill? You just don't want to take him.

maranella · 09/12/2022 18:19

Oh look - another stepmother who finds her stepchildren an inconvenience! If I had a penny for every one of these threads I'd be a wealthy woman by now.

chocolateasaltyballs22 · 09/12/2022 18:23

maranella · 09/12/2022 18:19

Oh look - another stepmother who finds her stepchildren an inconvenience! If I had a penny for every one of these threads I'd be a wealthy woman by now.

What I think you meant to say is 'oh look, another dad who can't be arsed parenting his own kid and has outsourced it to the second wife.'

Ellie1015 · 09/12/2022 18:24

I think sport and commitment to team should be a great example to your 7 year old.

If he isnt well enough for football he shouldn't go if well enough he should.

maranella · 09/12/2022 18:25

No, that's not what I meant @chocolateasaltyballs22, because the useless Disney dads don't post on here. But the women who marry men who already have DC do and then whine that they have to parent DC that aren't theirs.