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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that a stranger lined my children up and took their picture in the park without asking permission?

273 replies

IlanaK · 01/02/2008 14:31

In Regent's park today with a friend. Three boys all way ahea dof us on the path scootering. A group of tourist men lined them up with the stream and trees as backdrop and took their phot before we could get to them.

They got a right telling of from me though.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Desiderata · 03/02/2008 12:31

Very well said, Seeker.

Some of you on this thread are totally barking.

Breizhette · 03/02/2008 13:14

Completely agree Seeker.

mustrunmore · 03/02/2008 13:16

someone took a pic of ds2 runnnig around the park in the summer, and it really bothered me, esp as they just grinned at me when I looked pissed off. I still does bother me a bit TBH.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 03/02/2008 13:47

When the parents on this thread take pictures of their children, do they never get other children in shot? Or do they not take pictures of their children in public?

I took lots of pictures of my daughter on a nearby farm to us, including one of her on the trampoline (on my profile) which has other children in shot.

When I look at the picture, I dont see them, I see my daughter - does another mother have a right to stop me taking a picture of my child because hers are in shot? Should I have asked all the other kids to sod off the trampoline so I could take a pic? Or is it acceptable for me to take a picture of my child out and about in society, which rightly includes other people?!

Yummers · 03/02/2008 14:07

this thread has made me think. i have let people take photos of dd in the past, just because i assumed it was innocent enough, but actually i've just changed my mind. from now on anyone who asks to take a picture of her outside the family will get a polite but firm 'no'.

loulou33 · 03/02/2008 14:47

Hiya all, dh had an interesting point, he said unless ds was with him he wouldn't talk to a child on own for fear of being accused of being a child molester. before we had ds he was always wary of talking to other people's children because of this. ironically he was a children's nurse and worked in child protection. maybe it's biased his view of what other would think of him but don't most men think twice before offering sweets/lifts/pats on the back to strange children???? Can't imagine any of my male friends being as naive as to think it would be ok - so anyone who does is probably not innocently being nice to kids???

MAMAZON · 03/02/2008 14:51

i started a thread about that very issue a while ago Lou.

it saddened me that society viewed any male who was nice to a child as a potential peadophile. BUT at the same time my own work life has taught me to be very wary of how my actions around children are percieved.

its a shame that society is so terrified but until the daily mail admits that "peedos" aren't hiding behind every bush i guess men will alwyas be viewed with suspsicion if seen with a child

dittany · 03/02/2008 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MAMAZON · 03/02/2008 15:12

no sorry, i was responding to Lou33 rather than the OP.

taking photo's of a child without expressed permission is absolutly wrong...for Any purpose.

dittany · 03/02/2008 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HalleBerrysBikini · 03/02/2008 15:18

My neighbour is a prolific blogger. I discovered this when I googled our postcode. On one of his blogs he has uploaded lots of lots of pictures of a party he had for his children. They feature lots of small children running around wet in swimming costumes (including the little girl next door to me).

Now, I'm making an assumption here, but I'm not sure he would have asked the permission of every parent there to publish these pictures online.

If my child had been one of them, I would have been upset. I don't care if he "meant no harm" I don't consider it's his right to post pictures of semi-naked children with a link to the adress they live in. Regardless of the "low risk" involved, I consider this to be taking a liberty.

HalleBerrysBikini · 03/02/2008 15:20

P.S I'm making the assumption he didn't ask permission because I know my neighbour pretty well and don't think she would have consented to him publishing these - but it is an assumption, I acknowledge this.

Janni · 03/02/2008 15:21

Don't professional photographers take photos of strange kids every day - why is it odd? I would have asked the men why they wanted to take the photos, but I certainly wouldn't have given them a right telling off unless I was sure their behaviour was suspect. I would assume cultural difference rather than malevolent intent.

Wisteria · 03/02/2008 15:30

My brother owns his own studio and photography business and takes wonderful photos of children enjoying themselves every day. He also goes into nurseries and often asks for them to be stripped to nappies/ pants etc as it is often a lovely photo which parents IME cherish.

He was crb checked obviously, but he does own the copyright to all his images. This is all above board and innocent but looking at some of your OTT attitudes I'm surprised he's still in business! He has recently requested permission to use some of these photos on his website and not one parent has refused........

I'm only posting this to add a bit of 'RL' balance.

If any of you more IMHO paranoid posters have had venture/ other similar themed studio portraits done I wonder if you've asked for the images as that would cost you loads more and you would have absolutely no guarantee that the photographer was not a raving paedophile btw.

I think you are still missing the point that your children are not being abused/ harmed in any way and anyone can take a photo of your child without your knowledge, IMO a paed is far less likely to take photos while you are watching with a snappy camera in a park than to do it covertly and out of sight.

Wisteria · 03/02/2008 15:35

xposts janni

MAMAZON · 03/02/2008 15:40

wisteria you make a valid point. BUT your DB asks PERMISSION to take these pictures.. that is where the problem lies for the OP

she had no idea why these men wanted pics of her DC's or what they intended to do with the images.

Wisteria · 03/02/2008 15:51

mmm yes that's true mamazon but they don't really know him from Adam do they, I think the point I was trying tomake though was that I don't think people on this thread have thought through the implications of school photographers/ studio pics who retain the images of your children and are allowed to use them for marketing purposes without your further permission.

Obviously it is polite to ask someone if you want to take pics but cultural differences may account for that not happening (we are far more paranoid as a culture than most countries, they probably didn't even consider it) and also they may not have had a good enough grasp of the language to ask. I understand that the op was cross and I appreciate why although it wouldn't bother me personally but the thread has moved on now and that is what I am responding to I suppose.

stuffitall · 03/02/2008 16:35

breizette asked me a question about taking pictures of children on holiday

no, i don't do it
i have done it and I asked the parents permission
sometimes they said no
sometimes it became a family photograph

I am really sorry to say this but I think a studio photographer stripping children to their pants for a photo is odd.

Wisteria · 03/02/2008 16:38

Well it's just as well the majority of parents don't appear to agree with you stuffitall.

It is actually very common.........

In nurseries he generally asks for just shoes and socks to be removed as well.

kel78 · 03/02/2008 16:41

Im sorry but I think everyone is entitled to parent as they choose. I personally would not be happy with men taking pictures of my children. And in this day and age anyone with half a brain should understand you always ask permission. Yes it is sad that the world is like this but unfortunatley that is down to all the sick ones who has made it like this. I think there is a HUGE difference between taking a picture of your child and getting some other child in the backround and a group of men lining children up to take the picture.

Wisteria · 03/02/2008 16:42

one click on google

didn't take long

MeMySonAndI · 03/02/2008 16:43

NExt thing we will have someone complaining about photographers asking children to remove their shoes.

stuffitall · 03/02/2008 16:45

He's very good!

I can see what he's doing, it's very beautiful. It is just as well for him the majority of parents don't agree with me or he would be out of business. But it's not for me. No way, no how.

kel78 · 03/02/2008 16:45

I can assure you no photographer would be taking pictures of my children in her pants in a nursery. If I choose to have photos like that I would take her myself to a proper studio. Very odd

Wisteria · 03/02/2008 16:50

That's not his website; unlike his contemporaries he has chosen not to publish naked photos on his website, I think there's a partial shot of a baby somewhere but only shoulders.

Kel78 - it's much easier to take a photo of a baby in a nappy as they are usually happier and the photo is more natural without their clothes bunched up everywhere.

I just want to point out we are talking very young children in nurseries and in nappies...not your 4 yr old dd in pants - I would agree that that would be odd in a nursery too

A lot of parents do choose to let him photograph their children in his studio either naked or partially clothed though and don't seem to have any issue with him retaining the images.