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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that a stranger lined my children up and took their picture in the park without asking permission?

273 replies

IlanaK · 01/02/2008 14:31

In Regent's park today with a friend. Three boys all way ahea dof us on the path scootering. A group of tourist men lined them up with the stream and trees as backdrop and took their phot before we could get to them.

They got a right telling of from me though.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Wisteria · 03/02/2008 19:14

Well I can't say that I spent a great deal of time immersing myself in Spanish culture regarding whether I should or shouldn't take photos of kids when I went on holiday 2 years ago..............

dittany · 03/02/2008 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

teakettle · 03/02/2008 19:31

dittany

"I think that 'nice adults' may get upset if they get 'a right telling off' or are 'pushed in a stream' or 'have their noses boinked'. Not suggesting that you would do this stuffitall but other posters seem to think that it is ok. fwiw."

I've read the thread quite carefully teakettle, and I haven't seen a single person advocating this. I'd have thought "please don't take photos of my children and please delete the ones you already have" would suffice.

Could you point me to those posts?

'a right telling off' from op at 14:31:00

'pushed in a stream' totally lost it but I swear it was there. Ubergeekian also referenced it at 11:28:25. I didn't get it from her reference, it was there (honest).

'have their noses boinked' pankhurst 14:55:09

I'm not making it up. Some of the posts on this thread have been really agressive against tourists, old men in doctors waiting rooms and old couples visiting botanical gardens.

I do think that it is a personal choice if people want or don't want anyone to take photos of their kids. A friend of mine doesn't allow photos of her son at all as he is adopted and she is worried that his birth family could see the photo and trace him. but as you say. 'Please don't take photos of my child' gets your point across adequately.

Wisteria · 03/02/2008 19:42

I certainly did - in an arty farty way - in fact I have a particularly lovely photo of 2 Spanish kids trawling through lobster pots on their beaten up old wreck of a boat.

It is a lovely photo, I would post it but it is at xdh's house. We took it because it depicted a typical Spanish scene, or so we thought.

Breizhette · 03/02/2008 20:11

Thank god for that Wisteria. I was beginning to think I was weird...

lovecat · 03/02/2008 21:11

Surely if paedophiles are going to get off on pics of fully-clad, smiling children (whether by cut n' pasting or just as is), then a cheap scanner and a copy of the Next directory/Mini-Boden catalogue would be far less hassle for them??

I can't believe that some posters are advocating calling the police about the OP.... yes, they were a bit rude to not ask the parents permission, but non-UK residents often don't - dd has had her pic taken in Greenwich park without permission by a gentleman of East Asian extraction - it was a beautiful sunny spring day, she was eating an ice-cream, looking very happy and cute, the deer park behind her for background, and I thought nothing of it. I still don't.

Similarly I've let old men chat to dd and, on one occasion, pick her up when she stumbled. Should I have called the police?? There is a lovely old guy at church who gives dd a big kiss each week - his gcs live in Aberdeen so he rarely sees them - I have no objection to this either. If I were to tell him not to touch or kiss dd I would be implying I thought he was intending something unsavoury, which is quite insulting. As is most of this 'peedo' hysteria.

And now I must go and eat something....

Desiderata · 04/02/2008 00:09

I wonder what you're trying to imply, dittany, by asking Wisteria that question.

I think we have reached an impasse on this thread. I would not like to raise a child who lives in fear of strangers. I cannot imagine for one moment that it will protect them in any worst case scenario. It will merely blight their innocence.

You are a parent, and you are fully entitled to raise your children as you see fit. I would not however, want your fears to be conveyed to my child were you to work in any professional capacity.

stuffitall · 04/02/2008 07:48

Desiderata, I wouldn't want you minding mine either.

stuffitall · 04/02/2008 07:53

And Desiderata, of all the ways you've tried to turn this thread into an us and against them rather than an exchange of views, I think that comment to Dittany is the most offensive. Just my opinion of course.. I'm sure you don't give a flying fuck.

Wisteria · 04/02/2008 08:37

actually I found Dittany's comment to me fairly offensive but I'm not as easily upset as you lot seem to be

There isn't a 'them and us' and I think that you are just spoiling for a fight as opposed to a debate, we all have different ways of parenting but I don't want mine raised 'in fear' of strangers either - that does not make you a bad parent.

The huge majority of people are good, honest and trustworthy. There is a very small minority who aren't so tell your children the facts by all means but don't leave them in fear of strangers as what will happen if they ever need help and you are not around to provide it?

My children are very aware of what is appropriate behaviour from another person and that lesson is applied to family, friends and strangers alike.

Desiderata · 04/02/2008 09:42

You're not wrong there, stuffitall

pankhurst · 04/02/2008 13:47

I said 'noses boinked.' NOT because i think they are automatically paedophiles - I didn't have enough evidence to say that, but because that would constitute very rude in my book.

i certainly wouldn't push anyone into a stream! At that stage in the conversation, there was little aggression from ANY POSTER.

fwiw, i think the mother is the only one who can decide what experiences and insights she wants to pass on to her kids - and she is the only one who can decide whether her particular patch of England merits a particular type of wariness.

Stuffitall's attitude is borne of experience. Though I don't share the same experiences, I've made a note of what she's decided is important to teach her kids.

Why else are we sharing opinions if not to learn from each other?

x

redadmiral · 04/02/2008 14:00

If I understand you right, Pankhurst. you think it's ok to physically attack someone who you consider to be rude. Where DO you draw the line? Do you think those people who shoot someone for disrespecting them have a point?

And where DID the 'push into a stream' post go? I read it too.

Wisteria · 04/02/2008 14:05

I not a legal expert but don't think that physically attacking someone is legal because you think they are being 'rude'........

Am pretty sure that's why pissed up men get arrested for punching someone if they should 'look at them the wrong way' or 'spill their pint' etc.

pankhurst · 04/02/2008 16:44

redadmiral, take that post back and stop being naughty or I will come and boink you on the nose

wisteria, that's just malicious wickedness.

reread my last sentence - the one that holds out the olive branch. focus on that one, ladies, not the boinking sentence and BREEEEEAAAAATHTTE.

I even ended it with a kiss - come on, be FAIR.

(warns) If you can't be sensible, then I am not going to join this thread. My day is not going well and I have need of some kindness.

redadmiral · 04/02/2008 17:01

OK, I'll come clean. I AM a photographer - of children - often in parks...

I too think it's rude to point a camera at someone close up and take their picture without asking and would be a little if someone did it to me or my child. But they are legally free to do that, and the fact that they have been polite and asked and most will take no for an answer doesn't mean that I can consider it MY legal right to say no and enforce it. (Not referring to boinking.)

Businesswise it's to my advantage that people might be suspicious of a man with a camera, but I still think it's very sad and wrong.

I am really fighting for people to keep the freedom to take pictures where and when they like - I'm sure that the vast majority of photographers are totally well-meaning and harmless.

Hope your day improves

redadmiral · 04/02/2008 17:08

Oh, I should add, I don't take pictures of random children in parks - only those I'm with for work, or my own or friends.

One situation which can arise and hasn't been mentioned is that occasionally another child may see other children being photographed and present themselves for a picture. If I couldn't see the parent around I might assume that the parent considered them independent enough to decide for themselves and take one and show them. I personally would delete it as I have plenty of pics and wouldn't use one without permission, but I wouldn't feel bad taking it.

Wisteria · 04/02/2008 17:12

mwah to Emmeline - hope you feel better m'dear x

pankhurst · 04/02/2008 17:32

I am now feeling a bit better. Thank you to both, dear little wisty and herbutterflyship.

I hope everyone else on the thread is well too. There was a lot of heat, I felt.

I support all the mums on here. Even if I don't agree with them all. It's a DAMN hard job to know WHAT to do sometimes! At least we all care enough to HAVE a perspective. (When the kids get to eighteen, we'll be proved wrong anyway, so...)

I wasn't allowed to take a photo of mine at the pool the other day. It was literally only them. And that made me sad. The pool attendant knew i was the mum, but it still wasn't allowed.

Would you agree that it's the responsibility of the mum to draw on all her wisdom and strength to advise her kids - whatever conclusion she reaches?

I think that's an issue that needs addressing. More support for MUMS. they should be exempt from photo bans of their own kids. It's INSULTING.

xx

Wisteria · 04/02/2008 17:44

Agree with you entirely - I think it's very sad that we, as a country, have reached this conclusion in order to protect children.

and I agree with you that it's insulting to be refused permission to take photos of our own children in public environments.

stuffitall · 04/02/2008 18:31

Pankhurst you threw yourself under a horse to save this thread!

I agree with you on your pool picture experience. That's jobsworthiness gone mad

x

and now we've all had our say .... to all

Wisteria · 04/02/2008 18:32

Hands round conciliatory muffins and wine

pankhurst · 04/02/2008 18:48

AND WINE!????!!!!

Excellent - now that's MY kind of THREAD!

(rubs hoofprint bruises on bum and pulls up blue stockings)

Having had a vote of support for the poolside experience, I am going to make myself an FBI style badge with M.U.M on it.

I will flash it whenever my authority over minipankys is challenged.

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