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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you ask someone what they want as a present then you should get that

92 replies

Wedonttalkaboutboris · 07/12/2022 17:23

I might just be hangry and I’m fully prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable if so…

Trying not to be too outing as I have an inkling that this relative uses mumsnet.

A relative asked us what we needed for baby DD2 for a Christmas present. My husband sent them a link to the exact thing that we would be needing soon. In case it’s relevant this was something well within relatives budget (£20 present, 6+ figure salary).

The present arrived today and they’ve basically bought a cheap version/variation of what we asked for that won’t work.

We’re really having to think about what we spend at the moment and this now means we’ll have to buy the original thing we asked for. Dh caught me looking up the original thing pretty much 10 minutes after I’d opened the parcel and called me ungrateful.

AIBU to think that if you ask someone what they need/want you should actually then get what they asked for?

Backstory, which might be further clouding my view of this, is that this close relative didn’t send so much as a card for birth of DD- which I also thought was rude.

OP posts:
Voomvoom · 07/12/2022 17:26

As long as it's in their price range then yanbu.
My ex used to ask for suggestions and I'd say something like bath bombs.. so he'd get me a chopping board. why ask??

gaf · 07/12/2022 17:31

Oh I hate this.

As a child I was always asked what I would like and wrote a list. It was generally ignored. What was the fucking point?

I always get my children what they ask for, as long as I can afford it.

Original poster
Wedonttalkaboutboris · 07/12/2022 17:32

@Voomvoom it really irritates me because this isn’t the first time it’s happened and I’ve had it happen with other people too (it seems to be a dh family thing!)

It renders asking completely pointless and rather than being happy to receive a present I now feel irritated. I’d rather they had just bought what they liked now.

OP posts:
fallfallfall · 07/12/2022 17:33

Depends what it is.

Original poster
Wedonttalkaboutboris · 07/12/2022 17:35

@gaf I also had this happen to me as a child! I’d ask for something and every year my parents would say it’d been out of stock/they couldn’t find it. They’d buy alternative things in the same price range. I kind of appreciate that happening once or twice but every.year!

OP posts:
cheninblanc · 07/12/2022 17:37

My mil does this, why bother asking if you've no intention of buying it and get something you've set your mind on!

Lycanthropology · 07/12/2022 17:37

My mum is so like this. Not with stinginess, but in an attempt to make the gift "better" or more interesting, I think. I'll tell her the exact thing I want - because she asks - but she'll get something slightly different, fancier and possibly a little more expensive. That I don't want at all. Every Christmas and birthday 😒

Original poster
Wedonttalkaboutboris · 07/12/2022 17:37

why @fallfallfall ? They certainly can’t have had a moral objection to it. It was a simple item that we directed them to.

Some people just seem oppositional in nature, like the very act of sending them a link makes them want to be ‘clever’ and find their own version/deal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wedonttalkaboutboris · 07/12/2022 17:38

@Lycanthropology it’s the reason I ALWAYS get DD1 exactly what she’s asked for, even if I think there’s a better version or something!

OP posts:
greenacrylicpaint · 07/12/2022 17:40

yabu and ungrateful

gifts are gifts. if you really want/need something buy it yourself.

Lycanthropology · 07/12/2022 17:42

greenacrylicpaint · 07/12/2022 17:40

yabu and ungrateful

gifts are gifts. if you really want/need something buy it yourself.

You're missing the point. Why ask someone what they want if you have no intention of buying it?

LimeCheesecake · 07/12/2022 17:44

Can you return it and only pay the difference?

earsup · 07/12/2022 17:44

It's irritating....I always tell a wealthy friend that I actually dont need or want anything...if she insists, i suggest chocs or flowers...what do i get....a bin bag full of expensive childrens board games and other totally unsuitable items...i donate the lot to the local food bank....happens each year....i dont even have young children....they are 35 and 37...!!...Why...??....!!!

gaf · 07/12/2022 17:47

greenacrylicpaint · 07/12/2022 17:40

yabu and ungrateful

gifts are gifts. if you really want/need something buy it yourself.

The point is over there ————————>

Hmm
NippyWoowoo · 07/12/2022 17:49

Lycanthropology · 07/12/2022 17:37

My mum is so like this. Not with stinginess, but in an attempt to make the gift "better" or more interesting, I think. I'll tell her the exact thing I want - because she asks - but she'll get something slightly different, fancier and possibly a little more expensive. That I don't want at all. Every Christmas and birthday 😒

I had this with a perfume. You know how a designer does a signature perfume, then for some strange reason does versions of it? With names like 'midnight' or 'sexy' or something added. Slightly different bottle or colour? Never smell as good as the original.

My mum got me one of the 'versions'. Smelled horrible. Never wore it.

NippyWoowoo · 07/12/2022 17:50

greenacrylicpaint · 07/12/2022 17:40

yabu and ungrateful

gifts are gifts. if you really want/need something buy it yourself.

Your dim relative has arrived to the thread

jadedspark · 07/12/2022 17:50

Yes, my family member does this. Asks every year what the kids would like then buys something completely different. No idea why. Not a money issue either.

Original poster
Wedonttalkaboutboris · 07/12/2022 17:53

@LimeCheesecake unfortunately not - no receipt and no idea where they got it from.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wedonttalkaboutboris · 07/12/2022 17:54

@jadedspark its almost like they intentionally don’t want to get something the kids would like!

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Original poster
Wedonttalkaboutboris · 07/12/2022 17:54

@NippyWoowoo 😂

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Blossomtoes · 07/12/2022 17:55

Wedonttalkaboutboris · 07/12/2022 17:35

@gaf I also had this happen to me as a child! I’d ask for something and every year my parents would say it’d been out of stock/they couldn’t find it. They’d buy alternative things in the same price range. I kind of appreciate that happening once or twice but every.year!

If you’re talking Christmas you’re in for a very rude awakening. Every Christmas there’s at least one toy that every child wants and can’t be bought for love or money. It was Tellytubbies one year and they were so scarce women were fighting over them in John Lewis.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 07/12/2022 17:55

My parents are like this.

”You don’t want that!” From my dad. I do though. It’s why I asked.

Or I’ll get something similar to what I asked for (last time it was an Elizabethan ruff made from muppet skin instead of the scarf I’d wanted) and will be badgered about whether I’ve used/worn it.

ArrrrrghStopLickingTheDog · 07/12/2022 17:56

I think it's makes the gift disappointing they have specifically asked you. If they hadn't asked I'd be grateful for anything

CosyKnits · 07/12/2022 17:57

I completely understand! I have a close relative who does this, asks for links and everything and will then buy you a different version of it or worries that you haven't asked for a "nice" enough thing. I don't understand it. I love links, saves me having to think!

Original poster
Wedonttalkaboutboris · 07/12/2022 17:58

@Blossomtoes I appreciate I might be being a bit harsh with that judgement. I know my parents did their best. DD1 is 4 so I’m sure I’ll have my time fighting over the teletubby equivalent soon enough 😂

I just find it such an odd thing to do in this scenario when there are zero issues with supply and you’ve been given a link to the exact thing!

OP posts: