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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you ask someone what they want as a present then you should get that

92 replies

Wedonttalkaboutboris · 07/12/2022 17:23

I might just be hangry and I’m fully prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable if so…

Trying not to be too outing as I have an inkling that this relative uses mumsnet.

A relative asked us what we needed for baby DD2 for a Christmas present. My husband sent them a link to the exact thing that we would be needing soon. In case it’s relevant this was something well within relatives budget (£20 present, 6+ figure salary).

The present arrived today and they’ve basically bought a cheap version/variation of what we asked for that won’t work.

We’re really having to think about what we spend at the moment and this now means we’ll have to buy the original thing we asked for. Dh caught me looking up the original thing pretty much 10 minutes after I’d opened the parcel and called me ungrateful.

AIBU to think that if you ask someone what they need/want you should actually then get what they asked for?

Backstory, which might be further clouding my view of this, is that this close relative didn’t send so much as a card for birth of DD- which I also thought was rude.

OP posts:

Beees · 08/12/2022 07:38

You are 100000% not unreasonable.

You're also perfectly describing my FIL who seem incapable of believing an almost 3 year old would prefer a book or Pyjamas or a small toy over something grand and excessive like a bloody cabin bed, electric vehicle or 20ft tall stuffed beer.

I'm sure part of it for him is that he wants the bagging rights to having brought such an elaborate gift. Even if no one, especially the child actually wants it.

Just buy what the poor kid really wants or stop asking me to waste everyone's time sending you gift ideas!

Stag82 · 08/12/2022 07:44

I don’t tend to ask for ab exact thing. For example for Baby DC I’ve asked for a shape sorter. The present buyer can enjoy choosing which one and can pick one within budget

B00B · 08/12/2022 07:48

Why won't it work just because it's a cheaper version though?

NippyWoowoo · 08/12/2022 07:52

B00B · 08/12/2022 07:48

Why won't it work just because it's a cheaper version though?

It may be lacking a feature?

Ozgirl75 · 08/12/2022 08:29

My husband asked me what I wanted for my recent birthday - I know it’s not that exciting but I love Emma Bridgewater stuff and it’s really hard to find in Aus and he was in the U.K. for work, so I asked for a lovely polka dot and bee biscuit barrel.
Anyway, he deemed it “not fun enough for a present” and said we’d go to the shops together and buy something nicer and more “present like”
Which is lovely but I’m really busy at the moment with a child’s birthday, end of school, Christmas etc and I particularly wanted that ONE thing.
Anyway, normally he’s good at presents and I told him that I was disappointed that he’d just ignored what I wanted and he was very apologetic.
I still don’t have my biscuit barrel though!

Mamaneedsadrink · 08/12/2022 10:41

Annoying, but it sounds like they did get you the thing you wanted but a cheaper version that isn't as good? Also, if they got you something completely different, then still annoying but I don't think you should expect it, sometimes people might just be gathering ideas. I think you should just be grateful someone has thought about you/your child and wants to get you something

SleeplessInEngland · 08/12/2022 10:47

I'm curious what the gift is and why a cheaper version can be so bad it doesn't work.

underneaththeash · 08/12/2022 11:00

My MIL does (did) that too.

After 3/4 years of it, I just said that there was no point in me telling her what the kids wanted as she never got it anyway.

Bookworm20 · 08/12/2022 11:09

I think you are being a bit unreasonable, sorry.

You have said they sent what you asked for, but a cheaper version. So a different brand? And that it won't work. I mean it really depends on what it is tbh. And why won't it work if its the same but just cheaper?

I get its annoying when people ask and then get soemthing totally different. However, I also think its a bit cheeky to send an actual link to something specific and deciding yourself they can afford that. £20 does not sound alot and if it was that important, surely you'd just get it yourself? Whenever people asked what my dc wanted when they were little I just gave a general idea (some clothes, a soft toy, lego etc for example) and i've never been bothered if they got something totally different, as I'd justb think they were asking for ideas, not an actual item. I would not have felt comfortable telling them an exact item, deciding their price bracket and sending a link to it unless they asked me to specifically do that.

cleanasawhistle · 08/12/2022 11:17

I had a relative do this.
She asked what my son had asked for ...
I said kitchen toys so just needed to get the microwave then we were done.

Relative said she would buy the toy microwave....did the are you sure etc

She bought him 2 books....so I had to buy the microwave and say Santa had forgotten.
Last time I relied on someone else to buy something special

toastofthetown · 08/12/2022 18:15

I don't mind if people go off list, but I do mind if they buy a different version of something I want. By the time I've suggested a specific item, I've probably considered the options and decided that one is the one I want. Receiving something different is inevitably a disappointment because that item isn't what I wanted.

yellowmoosefever · 09/12/2022 14:12

Such first world problems OP. Be grateful if you have been given a gift and if you don't like it, buy it yourself.

Sartre · 09/12/2022 14:39

DH said MIL always did this too. He’d ask for something specific and she’d always get him a cheaper crappier version even though she could easily afford the actual thing. She’d then call him ungrateful when he wasn’t thrilled by the knock off version.

No idea what possesses people, they’re obviously just cheap tightarses.

lovemelongtime · 09/12/2022 14:45

I'd be asking them for the receipt as it's not the right one and doesn't work/fit/suit. Or ask could they exchange it for the one you had picked. Otherwise it's such a waste

user1497787065 · 09/12/2022 15:12

My DM would ask me what I wanted and I would say what I would like, she would then considerate the item I actually wanted to be too
Expensive for what it was and then spend the exact
Same amount of money on something I didn't want but something she thought I should have.

Foxgluv · 09/12/2022 15:33

One of my inlaws does this. When asked we send a link to an inexpensive useful gift that we can easily store. That transpires to said inlaw arriving with a huge load of large, useless, novelty and often hazardous tat. Never gives a gift receipt. It's wasteful. The same inlaw who complained that we had too much "stuff".

xmasx · 09/12/2022 16:07

Lycanthropology · 07/12/2022 17:37

My mum is so like this. Not with stinginess, but in an attempt to make the gift "better" or more interesting, I think. I'll tell her the exact thing I want - because she asks - but she'll get something slightly different, fancier and possibly a little more expensive. That I don't want at all. Every Christmas and birthday 😒

I agree with you OP - and yes, @Lycanthropology my mum is exactly the same. I'll show her something I like and she'll get something similar but better that I detest.

But, as an aside, are we supposed to send cards when people have babies? I give the baby a gift when I first meet them but don't send a card.

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