AIBU to message the teacher re Christmas play cancellation

[Rascalsandradishes]

DS(10) in y6 came home very upset today saying that class performance has been cancelled. It is tomorrow morning.

Teacher messaged in the class app approximately half an hour after school ended to say the play hasn't really been cancelled but wanted to use this as a stimulus for them to write a persuasive letter to get the head to change his mind. Teacher requested parents play along and help them form some arguments.

DS was really quite upset that his last show of primary school was 'cancelled'.

I couldn't play along, it just felt cruel and I don't lie to my DC. I had to tell him it wasn't real and that this was the base of a homework task.

AIBU to message the class teacher to say I've not played along and tell her how upset DS was? I can't imagine being the only parent feeling this way.

I suspect this is a younger, newer teacher?

Oh this poor poor misguided teacher 🥴

Very thoughtless for all the reasons outlined above. I’d absolutely be telling my child and explain what the teacher was trying to do but made a mistake as she didn’t think about how upsetting it would be for them.

I wouldn’t go in aggressively initially though- certainly not get the children to write to the head about their ‘cruel’ teacher. They have to teach this class for the rest of the year and encouraging kids to rebel and think their teacher is a bad person helps no one. That helps no one and just pushes another much needed teacher closer to the classroom exit.

A private note suggesting teacher reflect on the means to her objective, and its wider emotional impact on children in her care, would be left in the office.

We all fuck up sometimes. Maybe not so publicly but give teacher a chance to redeem themselves.

Yanbu and right to tell dc. My dcs school did this but with something much less meaningful (write a letter to persuade the head to let you watch the football or similar). Not appropriate to threaten to cancel something so important.

How’s his letter going OP?

What a stupid idea.
Teacher couldn’t be bothered writing a lesson plan this late in the term so thought, oh I know I’ll just make up a story ( lie) and rope the parents in to do my job for me.

These threads are eye-openers. The teacher has got it very very wrong but there are so many people who clearly just despise teachers a little bit and absolutely relish having their suspicions confirmed - and as for the people who think the headteacher is at their beck and call…

I agree with PP's saying mention it to the Head.

If I were him, I'd be on the Playstation thinking "F teachers and their made up BS authority they think they have over children - because they couldn't get any over adults. Cancel it for all I care. "

Very early on at primary school I had already realised that teachers were mainly broken and failed people. There were some good ones and some smart ones, but they were already a dying breed by then.

I was personally not comfortable full on lying about FC or the Tooth Fairy. I always just said 'the story is...'

But the lies parents tell about FC etc are not the same as lying in the way the op describes, IMO.

Yeah that’s really misjudged. They should have told them it was cancelled, got them to write letters and then told them the letters worked by the end of the day and it’s back on. Why would you send children home with that disappointment!

No, my children have never had a trip from the Easter bunny or tooth fairy and they have known from toddlerhood that Santa Claus/Father Christmas is a story and it’s fun to pretend but it’s not real. I don’t lie to my children - I don’t necessarily tell them every detail about everything because some things aren’t age appropriate, but I give a straight answer to a straight question. One has ASD and if I lied to him about this kind of stuff he’d never trust me again. I need my children to believe me when I tell them things, not be wondering if I’m lying or making shit up. I would never ever ever play along with this nonsense from the teacher, and my child would probably never trust them or respect them again.

Not ok. I would definitely write in! Audience and purpose for writing are very important but there are plenty of other reasons to write. They haven’t considered this properly at all!

Oh dear.

Oh dear.

Thank you everyone. I wasn't if I'm being precious.

DS knows it is not true, we had a chat about it and we came up with some arguments together. He added on the end that it's not nice to tell children lies.

He said one child was very upset in the class, a couple said they were happy that it been cancelled because they didn't want to do it anyway (so that's backfired!)

I think I understand where the teacher is coming from in setting this as a task, however I really think it could have been thought through a little more. As it has been mentioned above they have had so much cancelled over the past couple of years that it seems a bit more cruel.

I definitely won't go in all guns blazing but I will send a quick message to say I have told DS the truth and the reason why, but he has come up with some arguments anyway.
I really don't believe it's in his best interest for me to 'go along with it' as requested.

The teacher isn't young or inexperienced, and I've never had reason to complain before. I'm usually very happy with the school.

WTF.

Id tell my child. Something like that would really upset my kids

I hate things like this. When I was in year 5 (so a long time ago 92/93) all 3 class teachers had a huge argument in assembly, shouting and screaming at each other and 2 stormed out. We all sat there shocked and some upset. They waited about 15 minutes and one came back to ask who we thought was in the right etc then after a long discussion the third teacher cane back and said it was part of a lesson . It was just horrible

I think you were right OP. If parents did this kind of thing it would be labelled emotional abuse

This ⬆️

I’d be writing a letter to the head and the governors, and would question if this was someone I wanted to be teaching my child.

Talk to the head teacher as this seems to me (a primary school professional for twenty years) to be very inappropriate, unprofessional and completely stupid idea! Is this person actually a teacher?!

I still think about how terrible it was. We thought we'd be sleeping in sleeping bags in the classrooms and would have to have food shipped in. Not to mention the fact that we all thought we were really poorly too.

Reminds me of the time that the school decided that the Junior School Play was going to be the Year 6 play. The year 5s were distraught when they found this out. Parents wrote to the head as some children were crying when they realised they would miss this. Sadly it was true and not changed.

My point being - write to the head. It's not acceptable. Of course the children are upset. Maybe some costume pieces will get left at home too?

I can’t really recall exactly, my kids are teens now and it wasn’t ever a big deal. I think we just talked about it in the way we talked about any pretend play, whereby we pretended but if they said something along the lines of “Does he really?” we would say “No, of course not, but it’s a fun story, isn’t it?” and then go back to pretending.

To my mind, this should be a sackable offence.

Its no different to a social experiment, that would need ethics committee scrutiny according to ethical guidelines (full informed consent, ie each person knowing in advance what they were being involved in, and the ability to withdraw at any time). It also involves the person in authority not lying through their teeth and stating something as fact, to mislead or engineer a certain response. Especially not when the unwitting subjects are minors who could experience disturbing emotional response to the lie, they would need their parents to,agree, not be forced to play along with the lie and harm their children.

OP I would report this as being unethical and have the perpetrator sacked for misconduct. It really is unacceptable, especially nowadays when academic institutions should abide by good practice according to ethical guidelines.

If you let them off the hook, they will feel they have license to pull the stunt again at a future time. It isn't about going in all guns ablazing, it's about highlighting your concerns for the collective good of the children,