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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to message the teacher re Christmas play cancellation

214 replies

Rascalsandradishes · 06/12/2022 18:52

DS(10) in y6 came home very upset today saying that class performance has been cancelled. It is tomorrow morning.

Teacher messaged in the class app approximately half an hour after school ended to say the play hasn't really been cancelled but wanted to use this as a stimulus for them to write a persuasive letter to get the head to change his mind. Teacher requested parents play along and help them form some arguments.

DS was really quite upset that his last show of primary school was 'cancelled'.

I couldn't play along, it just felt cruel and I don't lie to my DC. I had to tell him it wasn't real and that this was the base of a homework task.

AIBU to message the class teacher to say I've not played along and tell her how upset DS was? I can't imagine being the only parent feeling this way.

OP posts:
PAFMO · 06/12/2022 20:06

CarefreeMe · 06/12/2022 19:25

I doubt the teacher would have told them it’s cancelled, as they know the head isn’t going to have time to read it before the performance is due to start.

It’s more likely the scenario was if it was cancelled then write a letter to the head - not actually write a letter to the head, and your DC got the wrong end of the stick.

Sounds like quite a few got it wrong which is why the teacher had to confirm it was still going ahead.

If this happened, it happened like this.
Not that I believe it happened for a second.

Adviceneeded200 · 06/12/2022 20:07

What an OOT and cruel approach.

All she had to do would be to say

"Imagine the HT said she was going to cancel tomorrow's play. Write a letter using persuasive language, reasons and arguments to encourage her to change her mind."

"Let's start with sharing words we might use. How would it make you feel if she did this so close to tomorrow, after all of your hard work?"

Achieves the same objective without being so cruelly ridiculous.

Mariposista · 06/12/2022 20:07

How horrible. The children will be too upset to perform properly and their hard work will be lost…

Tinseltosser · 06/12/2022 20:07

What kind of teacher encourages trusted adults to lie to children?!

I struggle to believe there is one that would be that ignorant of the effect this could have on dc or how it could make them vulnerable in the future.

User3626636244 · 06/12/2022 20:07

How ridiculous of the teacher. Christmas can be quite a exciting but challenging time for dc with everything going on, I can't believe they would say that adding to it.

I kinda feel bad for the children who may have felt a little relieved the play was 'cancelled' too, some children get really anxious about plays and don't really want to do it but feel pressured too. I'm sure saying it's cancelled then putting it back on will really help.. 🙄

ScrabbleChamp64 · 06/12/2022 20:08

Is it a real play that has been cancelled and now she wants to use it as a writing stimulus or was this the plan all along? I think the answer to this determines how you should respond

TheOnlyKoiInAPondOfGoldfish · 06/12/2022 20:14

I would simply respond with "I am shocked that you would suggest that I lie to my child".

Happyhappyeveryday · 06/12/2022 20:17

Oh dear! I imagine the teacher was trying to be innovative, but badly misjudged what would be acceptable. Yes, I would message and explain that your child was so upset that you had to tell the truth. The tea her will be thoroughly mortified when they realise their error of judgement. Please be kind.

Happyhappyeveryday · 06/12/2022 20:17

*teacher

Angelil · 06/12/2022 20:19

I am a teacher. YANBU. You don’t do this kind of thing with children in relation to high-stakes stuff like this that they have invested in. 100% complain.

Cliff1975 · 06/12/2022 20:19

I take it this is a teacher who doesn't have children themselves?

Boobahs · 06/12/2022 20:19

Way back in 1990, when I was 13, the English department at my school decided to gather us all in the classroom and spin a lengthy horrifying story that the tap water in school had been contaminated and we were going to have to quarantine for weeks at school.

It was so believable and many of us were crying, as we'd been told that our parents would only be able to see us through the fence and would have to bring us our belongings from home. The details had all been thought out and I remember being petrified. I have no idea who thought this up, and why nobody else told them that it was a FUCKING TERRIBLE IDEA.

Boobahs · 06/12/2022 20:21

Boobahs · 06/12/2022 20:19

Way back in 1990, when I was 13, the English department at my school decided to gather us all in the classroom and spin a lengthy horrifying story that the tap water in school had been contaminated and we were going to have to quarantine for weeks at school.

It was so believable and many of us were crying, as we'd been told that our parents would only be able to see us through the fence and would have to bring us our belongings from home. The details had all been thought out and I remember being petrified. I have no idea who thought this up, and why nobody else told them that it was a FUCKING TERRIBLE IDEA.

Oh, and the whole point was so we could write a diary about how we would feel in this situation.

BotWaterHottle · 06/12/2022 20:21

It's really not that big a deal to say they need to convince someone of their arguments to achieve the goal.

There is an expectation that children see how writing tasks relate to real purposes and audiences. Also, it's required that they start to develop a coherent line of argument that is believable, which is easier when it's something they genuinely care about.

They will definitely have been told their completion of this task (well) will help persuade the head and that this is how to go about getting what they want.

It's a good life lesson. The teacher has likely indulged your stories of santa in earlier years and has messed about with a classroom elf!

carefulcalculator · 06/12/2022 20:22

If this is real, I would just complain to the head. They have upset your child with a lie. This will really affect his trust in the teacher.

carefulcalculator · 06/12/2022 20:23

It's a good life lesson. Confused Lying to kids is really not a good life lesson.

MsJuniper · 06/12/2022 20:24

This will be because all writing tasks have to have "a purpose" - teachers are being told to make these as realistic as possible as there is a perception that it's what Ofsted want to see.

We have also written persuasive letters to the HT for various reasons. This sounds like a purpose too far though - they could have made it something like persuading the HT to increase the costume budget.

daisychain01 · 06/12/2022 20:25

This is even more bonkers given the past few years with COVID, with so many lovely Christmas events at schools being cancelled, scaled back or moved online.

What a horrible thing to do to children when this year is back to a normal Christmas experience for them.

Coconutcream123 · 06/12/2022 20:27

YANBU what a stupid idea. Upset loads of primary school children for no reason whatsoever. I'd complain I'm sure other parents will too. Just don't make him do it.

Schnooze · 06/12/2022 20:27

Really cruel

BotWaterHottle · 06/12/2022 20:27

carefulcalculator · 06/12/2022 20:23

It's a good life lesson. Confused Lying to kids is really not a good life lesson.

How should you go about getting what you want when others don't agree?

Write a letter convincing them of your viewpoint, with well reasoned arguments.

What is OP being advised to do? Use her words to express her dissatisfaction, with the aim of the teacher making a different choice next time.

Maybe it's actually designed to test parents' literacy and critical thinking skills!

And people lie to their children all the time.

surreygirl1987 · 06/12/2022 20:29

I'm a teacher and thats really cruel. Tell your child the truth and explain to the teacher why. I can see her intention, but that goes too far. Poor kids!

surreygirl1987 · 06/12/2022 20:30

What I'd actually do is work with your child on a persuasive letter explaining why the teacher was cruel. That way, skills taught to the child, but you make your point of complaint. Your child will probably learn a lot from this - just in a different way to how the teacher expected.

CarefreeMe · 06/12/2022 20:31

Are you able to screenshot the message from the teacher?

I can only imagine that the message is confusing and you’ve misread it.

It’s physically impossible to have the head read the letters before the performance tomorrow morning.

It would also be very bad practice to set homework that is due the next day (unless it’s optional).

It’s also ridiculous knowing that the children will leave their costumes at home and not practice their lines.

If this was done a week ago then I’d think it was in very bad taste but I would put it down to a bad misjudgment and trying to do something different.

But I can’t see this happening the evening before and feel there has been a miscommunication somewhere.

MargaretThursday · 06/12/2022 20:32

It's the timing that really makes this not thought out. Because if it was a week ahead and they'd written their letters to the head this afternoon then it would be less of an all-or nothing. What if some child tells their mum, the mum doesn't get the teacher's message and misses the performance for example.
They could have told them in the morning, got them to do the letters, then told them the truth in the afternoon and how brilliantly they'd written the letters and they wouldn't call off the performance because it's so good.
I'd bet most of the parents will tell their dc anyway tonight which will defeat the object of the exercise. I suspect a number of parents will be practicing their strong letter or email writing skills to the head tonight too.

My dc's school did a "building on the school field" need to email MPs etc. In all honesty I saw straight through it as soon as they told me, and just pointed out all the reasons why it couldn't possibly happen. But they told them on Friday just before they left school, then sent them out all worked up, and they'd really gone to town about how there would be no outside area and not allowed out of classrooms etc.
Ds' comment was "with the speed builders work they won't have started it before my children start school, so I don't care" which was quite funny. I think he tried that line of argument against doing the formal letter to the PM too. I don't envy his teachers. 🤣