AIBU to message the teacher re Christmas play cancellation

[Rascalsandradishes]

DS(10) in y6 came home very upset today saying that class performance has been cancelled. It is tomorrow morning.

Teacher messaged in the class app approximately half an hour after school ended to say the play hasn't really been cancelled but wanted to use this as a stimulus for them to write a persuasive letter to get the head to change his mind. Teacher requested parents play along and help them form some arguments.

DS was really quite upset that his last show of primary school was 'cancelled'.

I couldn't play along, it just felt cruel and I don't lie to my DC. I had to tell him it wasn't real and that this was the base of a homework task.

AIBU to message the class teacher to say I've not played along and tell her how upset DS was? I can't imagine being the only parent feeling this way.

This does seem rather cruel!

Why don't you change the homework assignment. Have your child draft an email to the head explaining what the teacher has done and persuasively asking that, for future classes, the teacher refrains from being cruel. It's not teaching children anything apart from they can't trust people in power. Possibly not a bad lesson to learn but the current situation isn't the best timing for that lesson.

I'd write a letter alright, but it would be about psychological abuse and manipulation of children by adults.

You write a letter. Let DS write his and send them both in.

Maybe also talk to him about how some adults will abuse and manipulate any adults and children they come across - but that most will back down if you show them you won't be their victim. They'll move on to someone else.

A life lesson in how it's fine to lie and be cruel and high-handed if you have authority to do it? And that you should expect to have to grovel to abuse of power to get what you'd been promised? That's a lesson we can all fucking do without right now.😡

Primary teachers are encouraged to use all sorts of silly gimmicks in writing. This has clearly gone too far, but this will be why she has done it.

This - my Dc at two schools have had experience some very unlikely situations - government agency staff finding UFO on site, classroom ransacked by two very well behaved kids who were in on it - and another I don't remember but child was unsure was true and we knew just wasn't possible. It's not a technique I'm fond of but hasn't harmed them though we weren't asked to join in with lies.

I do think this one had the potential for massive confusion - costumes/parents being there when needed and for upsetting overnight children who are disappointed - and tomorrow for few secretly happy its been canceled. Plus given background of covid - this is actually first normal school year for my children so image it could be very upsetting for many.

I think mentioning to teacher the upset child and that you weren't prepared to play along is a proportional reponse here.

I couldn't play along, it just felt cruel and I don't lie to my DC.

So they’ve never had a visit from the tooth fairy, Easter bunny or Father Christmas? They’ve always known the truth?

Some people have war in their country...

I get where the teacher is coming from... I've done something similar with my classes but it's usually "headteacher is thinking of cancelling our afternoon break.. let's learn how to write a persuasive letter convincing them why we need it" and nothing as upsetting as cancelling the play!

Often as a teacher you are told children need to write about real life or need to be able to apply their writing to real life situations so I can see why they thought this was a good idea IN THEORY. Definitely don't let the children go home believing it!

There are cruel lies and there are the "lies" that make childhood fun - before you gradually reveal the real world to them as they get older.

Agreed. If that teacher thinks for one moment that the students in that class won't be bearing a grudge against them and whoever else they have been told is involved for the rest of the school year at least, they're deluding themselves. Kids hate unfairness. Some will be upset, others will be furious, pretty much whatever their age is. If the head really is part of this, it's disgusting, and will damage their relationship with the kids as well. If the head isn't part of it but the teacher has said they are, watch out for fireworks big time when they find out.

@Whatifiwereareindeer I agree it's a terrible activity to set. My point was about how the complaint is done - it's one thing to call or email the teacher and let them know you weren't happy and why. From this they can apologise, speak to the child(ren) and rethink any future activities.

It's another thing to send an aggressive email to the teacher or the Head. I'm sure the teacher will get a few complaints about this so the last thing they need on a Wednesday morning is 30 aggressive emails. There aren't many jobs where you can get 30 simultaneous complaints sent directly to you and make you start your day regretting your career, even if you did make a poor judgement. It's not as if the teacher committed a crime but some posters are acting as if the teacher left their child out on the street or something!

I fully agree whoever genuinely thought "this will be a great idea" does need to re-evaluate their understanding of 10 year olds. I feel bad for this teacher if it wasn't their idea and a year leader (or someone else) set the task and the teacher was compelled to set it.

It’s physically impossible to have the head read the letters before the performance tomorrow morning. They don’t have to for the exercise to “work”

It’s also ridiculous knowing that the children will leave their costumes at home and not practice their lines. If the play is tomorrow then costumes and props are at school already!

I agree with others OP, this is ridiculous. Even if your DC has the wrong end of the stick, it’s still badly misjudged because the teacher hasn’t anticipated precisely this (predictable) misunderstanding!

I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing - I’d reply to say I think it’s inappropriate and that I’d told my child the truth. If the teacher did not seem to grasp the impact they’ve had, then I’d probably write a stroppier response afterwards.

You really can't tell the difference? Deary me.

Terrible judgment by the teacher

Are you a sock puppet or are you claiming credit for other people’s posts?

This sort of thing does happen - very bizarre scenarios used for creative (or other types of) writing. Big Writing?

That’s just cruel.

I would have told my dc the moment I found out, I have zero tolerance for the school pulling shit that fucks up the balance I work so hard to achieve at home.
I would also be That Mum and email the head and make it clear to the teacher why what they did was misjudged..

Oh yes, I forgot - the only thing anyone can discuss or care about is war

Of course I can, we all lie to our children when we are comfortable with the lie. Some parents at the school in question, if this post is true, will quite happily go through with the lie. Does that mean the OP is a better person/parent? I’m not the one who lied (possibly, the OP may in fact have told their DC that FC & co don’t exist) saying I don’t lie to my DC

My kids get visits form the tooth fairy and Father Christmas but have always known the truth, but I don’t think kids would generally find the pretense that most parents engage in at all cruel. These scenarios aren’t similar.

They don’t have to for the exercise to “work”

But the kids aren’t stupid.

They would firstly be suspicious that the homework is due the next day when they usually get about a week.

They’ll also know that the head isn’t going to have time to read them and so they’re either going to think it’s BS or just not bother doing it - which defeats the object.

I don’t think this happened.

I’m not saying OP is lying but I think there’s been some miscommunication, you wouldn’t do this, especially the day before which would potentially ruin the performance you’ve been practising for weeks.

Could you message her this evening that you have spoken to whole class parents on WhatsApp and you are all outraged.

That you are all withdrawing your children from the school until matter settled. That it was so serious an error you have rung the HT at home to bring it to their attention.

Then tell her in the morning you didn’t really.

* don’t actually do this, but I wouldn’t collude with the lie and I’m sure the “method” will be complained about

How did those conversations go? Genuinely curious.