Looking wealthy or being wealthy?

[Animallover87]

AIBU to think there's a difference between looking wealthy and being wealthy?

I think understanding the difference, between being wealthy and looking wealthy, is key to changing your financial situation. Our culture today almost encourages looking wealthy as being the ultimate aspirational target.

With beautiful Instaperfect homes, 2 shiny new cars, amazing garden makeovers, £1200 phones, and £200 trainers being shoved down our throats, many people desperately want a piece of that. Reality TV and social media encourage us to have that perfect lifestyle and it can be really difficult to avoid the trap of looking wealthy.

But while some can afford this lifestyle, many of these "Joneses" simply cannot. They might look wealthy, however, they are anything but. Many of them are up to their eyeballs in debt, are continually spending more than they earn, and constantly worrying about how they can afford to pay their bills.

Have you ever felt the pressure to spend to keep up with others? Or are you able to resist the spending but feel jealous of others?

I have no sense of style and wear clothes I've had for a lifetime so people must think I'm an absolute scruff but DH has a well paid job and we love a comfortable life.
I do absolutely envy the women on instagram who swan around in beautiful, expensive clothes, looking like they've come straight from a photoshoot but I couldn't afford to look like that.

saw a lot of chavstagram wannabes while out christmas shopping today, Balenciaga or other fugly trainers, filled faces and lips, sharpie eyebrows and armfuls of fast fashion.
i have no desire to give off the impression of being wealthy , especially when i am definitely not

I didn't say it was, I may have worded it badly I meant she's never been or going to be scruffy or whatever the mumsnet description of old money wealthy people are.

We are the opposite - don’t look wealthy at all. Both quite scruffy! I mainly wear second hand for sustainability reasons, DP channels mad professor vibes in 20 year old sweaters.

Yeah, this. I've got lots of money but no sense of style and dress like a slob. For real.

Don’t do that, there’s no unilateral grouping of women, mumsnet people, blondes, short people, men, etc. You can see people on here have different opinions. She likes certain stuff, that’s ok isn’t it? Nothing to do with anything and she can afford it? Why should she have to wear a certain thing?

I don't think I'd notice tbh if people had expensive phones or trainers etc. I have no interest in designer fashion or tech.

I do notice people who have beautiful houses but I've seen beautifully decorated houses that wouldn't make me assume wealth - just that the owners have good taste in colour etc. Money can't buy taste.

There are a few brands I'd notice - like if someone had a ferrari or something. But no, I don't covet that because I hate driving.

I'm trying to buy much less for environmental reasons though, and buy stuff to last, esp kitchen equipment.

Someone once said that they thought I had money because I would send my daughter into nursery in stained / old clothes*. She said that only people with money have that confidence because they don't have to worry about what others think and have the resources to just deal with stuff.

It made me laugh. I might not care what people think but that's more to do with not having the energy to try and double think everyone else! It's certainly nothing to do with money!

• stained clothes as in ones slightly stained with paint, tomato sauce etc which was probably done at nursery anyway. She didn't go in looking neglected!

I have no idea what you're on about. The question was about wealthy people looking wealth and she is and does.

Well, if your family own half the land in Hertfordshire you don't really need to make your point with a flashy bimmer.

In all honesty I can't say I notice wealth really. Unless it was really flash and in your face in which case I would think less of the person for being so showy.

You may quote me in your writing OP.

We are piss poor by mumsnet standards. For the first time in our married lives our joint income is over 40k. We both do (FT) jobs we care about that don't earn big bucks. We dont spend much. We have 0 debt and a few grand in savings. I think DH and I both have a weird combination of quite middle class parents who also had no money.

We rent our house because we cant afford to buy. It's a pretty (but cold) period cottage in an attractive rural village, albeit in a cheap part of the country. We have mostly second hand furniture, but interesting, period things with the occasional bit of homemade stuff and modern tat where necessary.

We drive an absolute skip.

I like nice clothes. They're not fashionable, but are timeless (I think) and quite expensive. I mostly buy them second hand too. They last.

Where I live the school mums are often in designer gear and there are a lot of white rangerovers / volvo 4x4s (are these the new Chelsea Tractors?). I think most of them don't have two beans to rub together because it's spent keeping this charade going. I sometimes think they probably look at me and think I've just fallen out of a hedge. I think they all look like they spend a lot of time presenting to the world.

My DS is friends with a boy at school who's parents drive a very fancy car, and live in a 3 story house on a newbuild estate. It's also permenantly immaculate. My house is generally a bit of a shit heap. I'm a bit worried about inviting said kid over, for fear his mum will judge us. A mutual friend has confirmed this is likely. This is quite sad and I'm cross with myself for it, but don't know how to deal with it.

In short, we don't go in for keeping up with the Jonses, and couldn't anyway. We don't own much, bit probably have more ready cash than those around us. Weirdly, I think we look like poshos who have enough money to not care. Except we don't have any real money. Maybe we're just lazy and have made bad choices? I feel quite free.

For work, I recently met a KC who is also a Lord. He turned up in a battered old volvo covered in bird shit, and was wearing a jumper full of holes. He owns three homes in expensive parts of the country and retired in his 50s.

I don't know what point I'm making, other than that the world confuses me, so I try to ignore it.

I agree.

New money usually means you earned it. An entrepreneur etc. Surely that's better than being a Paris Hilton living off daddy's money and not working a day in your life.

Husband and I dress in Tesco jeans, have the same one pair of trainers until Ruined and drive a 10 year old c4 Picasso.
we have a house hold income in top 10% of earners.

We spend a lot of our money on days/weekends out for the kids instead.

Maybe when they are older we may get a nicer car but for now, we are happy with looking scruffy as it were.

Hahaha. Nice one. Somebody must be be buying super yachts and Hummers and Aston Martins though, right? Who are they,if not genuinely wealthy?

Don’t they? How about Jeff Bezos and his private space rocket? What about the Russian oligarchs buying up Belgravia?

There are things I will spend a lot of money on: today, I was wearing a £200 coat, £300 boots and a £1.5k watch.

I look after my things: when winter is over, the coat will be cleaned and put away properly, my boots are regularly cleaned and resoled etc, the watch is an investment piece that I treasure (and worked fucking hard to save for and buy).

However, the leggings I was wearing were £12 from Tesco, my jumper £25 from M&S and my shirt was, I think, about £15 in a sale at White Stuff.

I both expect and am confident that the watch, coat and boots will outlive me (I'm 43). Not so confident about the leggings.

The hell it didn't.

Whats the definition of wealthy ? Im apparently in the top1% earners….but i still hang out at john lewis and have nothing on pippa middleton..

Honestly, if people really devote their lives to chasing the Instagram dream, I pity them.

It seems to me that you're overegging the souffle to a considerable extent, however.

I really can't imagine people so lacking in any sense of self.

YYY to the "Mumsnet tripe" comment.

😜come round to my place; big house , rotten windows, kids with holes in their knees - it's a blast 😅

The richest people I know go around and in very normal cars and wear very average clothes and would no doubt not even be looked at by cashiers trying to make a sale in fancy department stores. I love it! Huge difference between them and the classic stereotype of the lady with the always done hair, sunglasses, Land Rover and miniature dog but then people use their money differently

Did you write this wrong, top ten percent is not remotely wealthy it’s 60 odd grand a year, very few people consider this Wealthy . It would be lovely if British wages were such that the top ten were wealthy, but it’s not the case.

I think this is the issue on rhe thread, the definition of wealthy , some people are classing themselves as wealthy when they are not. And that’s why they are running around in Tesco jeans and driving low cost old cars.

I think the give away is in the knitwear 😁
The way 80 / 100 percent cashmere or wool feels and sits is completely different, as well as requiring the correct care or dry cleaning.
That's how I usually decide whether a person has a few quid stashed away 🤣