Looking wealthy or being wealthy?

[Animallover87]

AIBU to think there's a difference between looking wealthy and being wealthy?

I think understanding the difference, between being wealthy and looking wealthy, is key to changing your financial situation. Our culture today almost encourages looking wealthy as being the ultimate aspirational target.

With beautiful Instaperfect homes, 2 shiny new cars, amazing garden makeovers, £1200 phones, and £200 trainers being shoved down our throats, many people desperately want a piece of that. Reality TV and social media encourage us to have that perfect lifestyle and it can be really difficult to avoid the trap of looking wealthy.

But while some can afford this lifestyle, many of these "Joneses" simply cannot. They might look wealthy, however, they are anything but. Many of them are up to their eyeballs in debt, are continually spending more than they earn, and constantly worrying about how they can afford to pay their bills.

Have you ever felt the pressure to spend to keep up with others? Or are you able to resist the spending but feel jealous of others?

@pompomdaisy If I see a person dolled up with an expensive iPhone I just think chav.

What a judgmental peach you are.

Never felt the pressure, never felt jealous. But I don't look at Instagram. My real life friends are more likely to invest their money than to spend it on sneakers and handbags.

Don't worry about an iPhone... I have one too... it's an 8 (I think). I will concede a fondness for nice sneakers though.

One people often overlook is that looking flash isn’t just about having money - it’s also about having free time and choosing to use that free time on fashion - shopping/trying on outfits to get just the perfect size + frequently renewing your wardrobe. And then making yourself look the best you can every morning. Some rich people just can’t be arsed with all that.

I’m just amazed that there ARE phones for £1200! Didn’t even know that!

There should probably be a teennet for this type of thing.

When I was the poorest I'd ever been, I was the most concered about keeping up appearances. I wouldn't have been seen dead in Aldi or Lidl and my house was pristine at all times.

Now that I am doing better, I'm secure enough in myself to not care about being 'seen' buying cheap items or not having an instagram house. Admittedly, having children has meant i've had to drop my standards too, but I wouldn't feel ashamed if someone came in and my house was untidy, whereas I would have before.

My friend looks wealthy. it's just the aura she gives off. She adds a bit of lippy or a scarf or a cheap necklace (usually from a charity shop) to finish off every outfit, but I think the key is a) she always has her hair neat and tidy even though she swears she trims it herself b) she always has polished shoes or boots (and I know some pairs are really old I've coveted a deep purple pair of boots I know she's had for 14 years) c) although she drives an old car it's always clean inside and out and has what could be a personalised plate the 5 could be an S d) her house is always tidy and welcoming and she always has kettle on and cake available - although her secret here is people get wafted into the kitchen (largish room with big table and a sofa) as quite often her lounge is untidy, and she always has a flowering pot plant or fresh cut flowers from the garden in the kitchen (currently an amazing orchid).

the only person i know who has that phone is mentally ill and has frequent manic episodes. she has been sectioned 4 times this year alone, often in shops. She has spent over a hundred thousand pounds in 2.5 years.

She is a friend and i love her dearly but i have gone off luxury bags/tech because of her. Not that I was super into them before (though i did buy a backpack for £550) but I now feel like there is no prestige attached to them. I also feel quite disgusted with those brands for allowing someone who is visibly mentally ill to spend such a lot of money and not ask any questions about her well being. yes they exist to make money but even Holland and Barrett refused to sell stuff to her because the staff there could see how ill she was...

It's call champagne lifestyle on a lemonade income! I know lots of people who regularly live day to day on credit cards - they have to have the best of everything, new home, shiny new cars, designer clothing, shop in all the high end shops. Then when it comes down to it they are up to their eyeballs in debt trying to sustain the lifestyle they have come accustomed to showing everyone.

Me and DH are not wealthy, however we do have disposable income because of the choices we have made, we have an affordable mortgage, live day to day within our means, each to their own but I think we live in a society nowadays where people are getting into debt trying to keep up and that is sad.

Most of the younger crowd I know (early to mid 20’s) mostly look very fashionable with the latest iPhone and designer clobber with a posh car on finance. But they all live at home with mum and dad paying minimal rent as it’s too expensive to buy or rent anywhere. Basically, some of the young people look a lot wealthier than the rest of us because they have more disposable cash and probably no kids to financially cripple them.

how do they afford the new home on a low income- don't banks stress test? so the max two people on a combined 60k income could borrow is £240k. they couldn't buy my modest 2 bed 1930s flat in suburban london unless they had a deposit of 160k (which is quite sizeable and not really doable for a couple on a 60k income unless they have been saving for years).

shiny new cars- presumably they are on lease? wouldn't that eat into what you can borrow on the mortgage?

Designer clothing- all on the credit card i suppose, but how do you get a mortgage if you have so much credit card debt?

a new build home where i live with a garden is at least 1 million pounds. For someone to buy that without substantial savings or significant equity, you need to be earnign a decent amount. And you could probably afford the shiny new car and designer clothing etc.

@glamourousindierockandroll this makes sense to me

My DS wears an old hoodie for football. I'm quite relaxed about that, as I assume his team know we could afford a new one if he / wanted to

But if I thought his team pitied him, thought we couldn't afford a new one, I'd order a new one immediately. And companies prey on that insecurity

Have you ever felt the pressure to spend to keep up with others? Or are you able to resist the spending but feel jealous of others?

Are these the only two options you can imagine?

Where's the do not give a shit and not "jealous" option?

I have just realised that a friend of mine with luxury handbags (Chanel and LV) told me that she only bought them when she’d had a really truly shit day at work (she is well paid but exhausted and burned out) and also when her dad died suddenly. So this makes sense. Manic expenditure from unhappiness.

obviously there are people who just buy things because they like them but I guess this isn’t what the thread’s about.

In the past, a luxury handbag was something a middle class lady would buy on her birthday or to mark a significant milestone. Now we have youtubers who seem to buy a new thousand pound bag on a weekly or even monthly basis (at least thats how it seems like to me). And they are young. Young women relate to them like a friend. So i can see that a lot of younger women may think its 'normal' to own a collection of £3000 handbags.

Most of us normal people just buy the cheapest version that pleases us enough aesthetically. It might be Tesco or higher end. I don't care.

If you know you know. Money talks, wealth whispers.

HOUSE! We’ve had dog hair, ancient battered cars, discreet etc and now this well-worn chestnut.

Wealthy people are more of a target, so best to not look wealthy if you are or not!

It's a wonderful feeling knowing I can buy "stuff" but simply choose not to.

Honestly, people spend their money on what they want to spend it on.

Some people I know have the perceived 'insta' life, however, I have no idea if they are in debt or not.

Yes we all may have spent too much on rubbish when we were younger but most of us realise how to balance the books pretty quickly.

How many people do you know who have admitted that they have got into debt due to their lifestyle? I know zero.

How does understanding the difference, between being wealthy and looking wealthy change your financial situation?

Not sure what everyone's definition of really wealthy is but I probably meet it.

I don't often buy new clothes (just wear what I have accumulated over the years irrespective of it being in fashion) and my car is 10 years old.

Someone at my son's school keeps offering me hand me downs for him. I think I'm too well disguised 😂

I hate the idea of debt so the thought of getting into debt just to look a certain way to others both horrifies and tickles me.

I am neither wealthy nor poor and I don’t know or care what people think of me regarding wealth.

I don’t need the latest gadgets or this season’s most adored handbag. When I do buy something it’s within budget and it’s because I want it, not because I think that I should have it.

Wealthy isn’t young folks cutting about in the latest designer gear and iPhone. If you think that’s what wealthy is you have never come across it. That’s some young bloggers or insta wanna be’s faking it, that’s not wealthy. Sure some celebs, but it’s not wealth in the normal sense.

in reality wealthy is expensive and understated, you can tell from the cut and type of material clothing is made , the fit, the persons grooming, their hair, the accessories, watch, handbag, shoes, wallet.

you know wealthy if you see it, it isn’t designer gear and the latest iPhone. Far from it. It’s not gaudy or blingy. It’s quiet, it’s understated and it’s indisputable.

other than cars and houses. That’s often obvious. But in terms of appearance, you know it when you see it.