Friend ....splashing the cash aren't you?aibu?

[ilgiveyouonemoretime]

Just got back from a week abroad and had a great time.(first time abroad in 12 years )
Friend rang and asked if we had a good time-I said yes and we had got the bug and booked for Greece next august.
We were talking about plans and I said this weekend me and partner are going to Edinburgh and she kind of said "must be nice "

Then my partner tagged me in fb a post about concert tickets he had bought for us for next year.
Within a minute friend rang and said "you both are splaying the cash a bit aren't you -must be nice and tutted"
Then said "won the lottery "
I said no I wish and laughed it off

The holiday this year was bit monthly D/D £200 each and the same next years.
The concert tickets were probably put on his credit card.
The trip to Edinburgh hotel is paid for because I've been selling bits I don't want on vinted and made £300

My friend has just spent £5000 on a new car (from inheritance) so it's not that she's struggling with money or anything.

Me and partner have no children yet -we don't really drink or smoke and I don't have a car to pay insurance /petrol for as my job is within walking distance so we save a bit.

Aibu to talk about things I have a planned?
I just get excited
I was a carer for my mum for 10 years and had no life ..she passed two years ago and I just have this whole new life where I can go out and do stuff and it's really nice
I can actually smile and not have the weight of the world on my shoulders

Shrug it off. Perhaps she just needs something to talk about. You don’t need to
justify yourself.

You can afford it, you have no dependents, you should enjoy it. If I was in your position I would! Some people get jealous easily. It's not nice. Just go along with it and don't justify. Say, yes it's lovely and we are so excited.

A trip to edinburgh is hardly wild, concert ticket around xmas are common and depending on the holiday abroad an annual one isnt remotely wierd (now if it was all disney world and a month in thailand etc... I might think you have some cash but a week in portugal or the german winter markets etc... would seem fairly average).

Im very low income and that all sound fine and normal to me, I would think you werent on your arse broke but I also wouldnt think you where showing off as its all standard just 'normal' life stuff.

I used to go to Tesco and think I can't look at the clothes because I need to be back incase she needs the toilet ...it's strange being able to look around and not worry about not having enough time or if I take too long she might stand up and fall over this is what caring is really like. Only those who have gone years without being able to even look at things on shelves get it. Please do it ALL, and be happy, and waste time and wander around.

Ultimately none of her business - I’d just shrug it off and say ‘I’m just lucky at the moment’ - refuse to give her any negative or self-depreciating comments and if she has any self awareness she will realise how negative she sounded.
If she keeps making these comments then it would be understandable to lessen contact.
Similarly make sure you don’t talk just about yourself when you are chatting with friends - and make time to ask about what they’re up to as well.

My response to these are

Of course darling don't you know I'm a squillionaire

So offensive isn't it when people say things like that and it takes away the joy too

Sorry she's not a friend imo

You enjoy your treats you deserve them ignore her comments.

💯

God life is to short for jealous bitchy comments. Enjoy op and just don't tell her anything going forwards.

Aibu to talk about things I have a planned?

YANBU in the slightest OP.

But ... have a look at how much detail you went into about holidays, cars, concerts etc & their relative costs. You didn't need to do that. You don't need to justify that to PP, to your friend, or anyone except yourself & your partner - IF you share finances with him.

Is this a tendency you already had - or is it more recent, & maybe instilled by your friend's .. odd ... attitude to your money, a subject which is none of her business btw?

The only response you needed to her astonishing rudeness -
"you both are splaying the cash a bit aren't you -must be nice and tutted"
Then said "won the lottery "
was "who died & made YOU my bank manager?"

Really.
Don't waste any time justifying yourself to her.
She's not interested in your cashflow management, she's interested in making you JADE, so that she can feel the power she's able to exert over you.
STOP JADEing!
outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/jade-dont-justify-argue-defend-explain

Also - whether this is a 'you' issue, or whether it's something your friend does on the regular, about money or other putdowns - have a look around the FOG site's toolbox. You'd find it useful for either dealing with your own enmeshment issues (IF you have any! no accusations or judgement here) - or dealing with your 'friend's' bullshit attempts to control & diminish you.
outofthefog.website/toolbox-intro

Your money, your choice how you spend it.
You cared for your mum for a long time so you’ve seen how cruel life can be. Enjoy yourself while you’re young and healthy, see all the world you can, do everything you want to do.
Take it from someone who’s old, you never know when life will go sour —- I’m glad I saw the world when I did!!

You don't have to justify your behaviour and I think it's good that you can treat yourself after making your world small to care for your Mam.

But I think in your enthusiasm for your new freedom you may have laid your good news on her pretty thick. Between telling her about how good your holidays was, your plans for your next holiday and your trip to Edinburgh, it was a lot - and then a Facebook concert chaser 😁

Yes, she has just got a new car but that is usually a purchase of necessity. And one which may have left her in a pinch while the cost of food, heat and shelter soar and niggling at the sense of security and comfort people have previously enjoyed.

Maybe she was a bit of a green eyed monster -but I'd let it go unless this is one incident of many.

Personally, if I didn't want people making comments about my financial situation or spending habits I wouldn't be bragging about it all on Facebook!?

Good for you. Live your life unapologetically! You deserve to enjoy your time and freedom.

You don’t need to give us the story of your life OP
It wouldn’t matter your circumstances in the slightest.

what you choose to spend your money on is your business. End. Of.

It is interesting that you seem to feel slightly guilty. That is perhaps the legacy of having been a carer.

I have had some comments like this too. From people who send their kids to very expensive private schools and then complain they have no money. Or people who eat out weekly and then say they can't afford holidays. There is a lot of envy going around. And an unnatural interest in other people's finances!

I was a carer for my mum for 10 years and had no life ..she passed two years ago and I just have this whole new life where I can go out and do stuff and it's really nice

You deserve every nice moment you can wring out of life @ilgiveyouonemoretime. Some people are just miserable, I’m sorry your friend’s one of them.

I propose change from Twat to Bladder. Unisex and problem sorted.

The mate is being a proper bladder.

Exactly what @Rockingcloggs suggested 👏🏼

Just like I told a courier who commented on an item that he delivered to my new house 😡 I don’t understand people who think it’s ok to comment on what others do with their money!

Perhaps a colon because it's full of shit?

I had a 'friend' like that, she even used to moan what a life I had if I said I had had a nice bath. She used to drain the life out of me. She's an acquaintance now.

No, she sounds jealous and spiteful.

I can’t imagine saying anything like that to my friends, even my friend who has been in my life nearly 20 years who I can pretty much say anything to.

It’s just nasty. Especially considering said friend will know OPs backstory.

I love seeing my friends/family post happy things on Facebook, like holidays and nights out. Other people having things doesn't mean I have less.

Ignore her, she sounds jealous.

But I think in your enthusiasm for your new freedom you may have laid your good news on her pretty thick. Between telling her about how good your holidays was, your plans for your next holiday and your trip to Edinburgh, it was a lot - and then a Facebook concert chaser 😁

Blimey.
It's a bit rich to blame OP for her friend's reaction.
I really doubt that OP sat down & blasted her friend with a list like you laid it out above.
And decent friend would be thinking "yeah, you haven't had a holiday in 12 years, you've been caring for your mum & it's high time you were able to enjoy some leisure & travel".

There's no excuse whatsoever for the tutting.
OP is hardly doing the holiday equivalent of Imelda Marcos & her shoe collection.