Are all single mothers this chronically sleep deprived?

[Waxxy]

I'm a lone parent. I get up at 6am, unload the dishwasher, put laundry on, do son's packed lunch etc, get son up and ready for nursery, breakfast together, then off to nursery at 8. Start work at 8:30, finish work at 5 (take a slightly longer lunch break so I can go out for a 30 min walk which is important that I do). Pick son up at 5:30, home by 6. Spend a couple of hours with son, doing snacks etc and put him to bed for 8. Spend 1/1.5 he doing housework/online shop/daily boring stuff, usually sit down at around 9:30 and watch tele/read a book got an hour. Upstairs, Makeup off, sometimes shower, braid hair up (I have afro hair), in bed for 11/11:30. Sometimes takes me an hour or so to fall asleep even if I'm shattered so often still awake at 12/12:30. Have been getting 5.5/6 hours of sleep a night for at least the past year. Usually catch up a little bit on weekends.

I'm groggy all the time, brain fog, feel a bit zombie ish. But not sure where I can get more time from to sleep. If I don't do housework my house would be so messy and mental health would suffer. Am I missing something here? Is this just the norm? Am I just spending way too much time stuff I don't need to in the evenings?

Feel like I massively need to turn my life around if I want to feel human again.

You sound exhausted. Rather than huge overhauls of things, can you try just a bit less of everything in the evenings and see if that helps? 30 minutes of cleaning, 30 minutes of phone/TV... just aim to be showered and in bed for 10pm.

Laundry - we're a family of five and do two, maybe three loads a week. I wonder if you can re-wear more things before washing? Ignore me if your DS comes home from nursery looking like he's done cross-country or whatever!

Eufy

I have a £50 referral if you want it.

mine on atm. Life changing for me

Is your OCD being treated OP? Being in that sustained level of anxiety will be exhausting for you too. You can get treated on the NHS. Hopefully you're already sorting that but if not you don't have to just live with it.

I go to bed EARLY most nights. Like, toddler is asleep for 6.15pm, and I'm in bed for 7pm, asleep for 8pm. It makes such a massive difference getting a good quality, lengthy sleep multiple times per week.

Oh that would be so, so helpful and means I might be able to afford one of the cheaper models myself!

Yes it's treated, I've had it for as long as I can remember.

Have you had a blood test op, it could be a thyroid thing or a deficiency somewhere. I was feeling like you, tired and struggling to sleep too and I had a B12 deficiency.

Aside from that don't put so much pressure on yourself. Being a single working parent is relentless, it really is. It's totally OK to have a day or two where your house isn't totally perfect.

You don't need wifi for an eufy unless you want it to programme it to vacuum on its own. My house has uneven bits so I only use mine by pushing its button and off it goes.

I would try and make two nights a week 'your' nights if you can where you don't do many chores after your son goes to bed. Take a bath, go to bed with a book. I find being stressed and worried about not getting enough sleep makes it's much harder to get to sleep. So if you get to bed earlier, you might fall asleep earlier as you're not spiralling about it.

Also there is a free story on Calm read by Stephen Fry which always sends me to sleep. No idea what it's about beyond lavender!

It's hard work being a single mum. Fist bump

The one I use is bagotti you can program it to go off at a certain time. Although I often will stick it in a room press the button and come back later. I bought it because it was on special on Amazon and then got another plus the mop kit when it was again on special offer.

Hi OP, I'm a single mum to two and understand how much stuff there is to do. My kids are older with one at secondary but it does feel a bit relentless in the week. As others have advised, take the pressure off yourself. Work out whether you could do with more sleep at night or in the morning. If it's the morning, do stuff like your son's packed lunch at night (with him reading next to you or helping so that it doesn't feel like it's another job to do) and then set your alarm for 20 or 30 mins later in the morning.

How about cutting housework to every other day apart from the minimum of washing up and a quick tidy up? It will still be fine and you will have some extra time.

I was a single parent when my kids were under 18. My day was similar but I had a long commute. I didn't tidy/clean the house during the week, I simply had no time but I did wipe down the kitchen every evening so that it was clean in the morning.

I found it easier to portion up the week like that. Week was for work/kids at school and the weekend I had time for tidying/cleaning.

You sound like you are doing a brilliant job op.
Could you get to bed earlier even if it's a couple of nights a week? Aim for 10pm.
I grew up up with a single mum in a house heated by solid fuel. It's so bloonin' mucky. I would never wish that amount of extra housework on myself.

I have anxiety as well. Could you combine your reading time with bed, lie down and listen to an audiobook? If the audiobook is occupying your mind it might help with the anxiety and you'll fall asleep easier. I do that with podcasts and it has been a game changer. It used to take me over an hour to fall asleep, with the right podcast I am out in 10 minutes.

Prioritise what housework really needs to be done. Outsource what you can (Cleaner, ready meals etc). Maybe swap your routine ie make up off, shower then relax and read. Do as little as possible is my advice! Also, the not sleeping well is probably as you aren't really relaxing properly or are stressed so look into sleep tea, melatonin etc to help with that. I still feel brain fog, apparently it'll get easier so I'm told

I'd set the dishwasher of an evening, empty in the morning whilst your son has breakfast. I'd hoover in the evening and if you can push it to alternate days do so. Doing a load of washing laundry a day is quite a lot considering there is only two of you but I noticed your son goes to an outdoor nursery so I can appreciate you might have more of his clothes to do. Could you do laundry on set days though so you aren't having to pick up or fold clothes everyday?

This sounds like a dream to me.

The first part of my day is much like yours but I have two children to take to different locations so the drop off/ pick up takes 45-50 mins x 2 per day.

My two also have SEN so barely sleep, which means I get 2-3 hours if sleep most nights.

Lone parent and useless family so no respite, ever. Plus very demanding full time professional job.

It is normal unfortunately. It starts to feel odd after a while doesn't it when you see people who have a partner complaining about how tired they are when they have 48 hours per day between them to manage the earning and caring that you do in 24. I don't think people really get it when they haven't lived it. It's hard. But will get better in time (I tell myself 🤣).

Never prioritise your housework over sleep !

You work full time so no wonder ur like a robot! Reduce ur wash load's and other job's to do on the days u feel less tired. Do jobs that when tired that don't take up so much energy. Cook food to last 2 days like pasta which saves cooking every day if possible. It's about working smarter not harder

That's a very strange interpretation of what happened, which was that you told the OP that it was going to get much harder when her kid went to school! Presumably just to stick the boot in. You've been singularly unhelpful on this thread.