Are all single mothers this chronically sleep deprived?

[Waxxy]

I'm a lone parent. I get up at 6am, unload the dishwasher, put laundry on, do son's packed lunch etc, get son up and ready for nursery, breakfast together, then off to nursery at 8. Start work at 8:30, finish work at 5 (take a slightly longer lunch break so I can go out for a 30 min walk which is important that I do). Pick son up at 5:30, home by 6. Spend a couple of hours with son, doing snacks etc and put him to bed for 8. Spend 1/1.5 he doing housework/online shop/daily boring stuff, usually sit down at around 9:30 and watch tele/read a book got an hour. Upstairs, Makeup off, sometimes shower, braid hair up (I have afro hair), in bed for 11/11:30. Sometimes takes me an hour or so to fall asleep even if I'm shattered so often still awake at 12/12:30. Have been getting 5.5/6 hours of sleep a night for at least the past year. Usually catch up a little bit on weekends.

I'm groggy all the time, brain fog, feel a bit zombie ish. But not sure where I can get more time from to sleep. If I don't do housework my house would be so messy and mental health would suffer. Am I missing something here? Is this just the norm? Am I just spending way too much time stuff I don't need to in the evenings?

Feel like I massively need to turn my life around if I want to feel human again.

My OCD isn't the reason I spend that amount of time cleaning, just to clear that up. OCD doesn't always mean people clean all the time, but this is how it's always portrayed in the media so people always think hand washing and obsessive scrubbing.

I get this amount of sleep and I’m married! Busy lives (horse as well as nursery age child).
I wouldn’t call that chronically sleep deprived, it’s not enough but it’s not awful.
You could easily go to bed earlier and get another hour.

@Waxxy fair enough, apologies for the assumption.

Yep. 14 years in and I'm a shell. Had to give up OU due to a non-sleeper.
Luckily I walk to work which helps.

Hi op I get it, I'm a lone parent as well.

You're definitely doing a lot of housework a day, would there be any option of a cleaner?

I had daily jobs that had to be done just to stay on top of everything that included keeping the kitchen straight and keeping on top of the washing. Other jobs like hoovering and dusting were done a couple of times a week. The bathroom weekly.

You need to get to bed much earlier and work on relaxing and switching off in the evenings. No caffeine after 6pm, no phone after 9pm etc

Or maybe some people just find it easier to cope with 5.5 hours of sleep a night as we are all different.

Look up The Organised Mum Method of cleaning to help free up some time, give it a try and see how you go on.

And to me that would be chronically sleep deprived! I need a full 8 hours else I’m like a dragon. Unreasonable to expect others to be able to exist on such little sleep.

I had daily jobs that had to be done just to stay on top of everything that included keeping the kitchen straight and keeping on top of the washing. Other jobs like hoovering and dusting were done a couple of times a week. The bathroom weekly.

This is exactly how I survive. Dishwasher and washing machine are daily jobs (usually twice a day morning and evening). Hoovering / dusting / bathrooms / mopping floors etc weekends only.

OP, I think you need to priotitise sleep and rest.

Meditation, candles, aromatherapy, relaxation tapes, etc. And just being in bed for eight hours a night, even if you don't sleep for some of it.

You'll feel better and may well be able to carry out some of your tasks more efficiently and faster because you're more refreshed and not so ground down by the brain fog.

Can you invest or ask others to contribute towards a robot floor mop and vacuum? These things will be life changing for you. It will save you so much time a day and you will come home to a fresh house every single day. Slow cooker for dinner would also help. And some proper self care too every day.

You sound very tired, and I totally sympathise. It is hard work raising humans, and still having some quality of life. Make sure you are topping up with vitamin D especially in the winter and maybe B12 too?

Give yourself some credit. I don't know how single parents do it. I certainly couldn't, I know that. Even with 2 of us we struggle and we have a lot of help. The sleep deprivation is crippling. I agree with previous poster, ajm to go to bed at the same time as your son several nights a week to get some rest in. It will help clear the fog.

I think the problem is that hoovering or mopping pretty much take the same time if you do them every day or not. So if I hoovered and mopped the whole house every day, it would take me a couple of hours. Doing it once a week it still takes me a couple of hours but the other days I haven't lost that time.

I've only done it really frequently when the DCs were in the crawl around/eat everything they see/drop all food on the floor stage. Looking around on the carpet I can see from here there's a feather from a cushion and a tiny star from something else, a bit of thread and what looks like a tiny bit of cardboard, as it hasn't been hoovered since the weekend. Some people might find this disgusting but I think it's fine to be left another few days.

I see what you're saying about your home being everything, but is tidy enough? If it takes ages to tidy each night can you do that with your DC before bed?

Yes but that wasn’t your question. Clearly not all single mothers are chronically sleep deprived as sleep deprivation is relative. Neither are all married people with children.

If you need to prioritise more sleep then do that at the expense of cleaning. I have taken a day of annual leave for a rest. The floors are filthy but I’m not doing them.

Also, I would seriously consider changing to a nursery that you don't need to provide lunch for. That would be a deal-breaker for me.

He's been there for over 2 years and all his friends are there. It is an outdoor nursery which is perfect for him as he is extremely high energy. No point in uprooting him now before he goes to school. Not for the sake of not making a packed lunch anyway.

My parents have asked me what I'd like for Christmas and I may ask for a robot vacuum. Does anyone know if they need WiFi? I don't have WiFi in my house.

This.

OP, and other single working parents, I frikkin salute you.

My very good friend who is in the same position says that what is the absolute killer on an already tough day/week is not having another adult around just to share the mental and emotional load. On top of the actual "stuff" that's what makes it so relentless.

Go easy on yourself OP

Pretty much, yep. I’ve got 3DDs and one is ND like me, so permanently exhausted.

I took some of the strain off by having a cleaner for 2 hours a fortnight and I’m having her weekly as soon as she gets a slot available, it’s made a huge difference.

I'm a single parent and tbh this is pretty much my schedule. I wfh some days so have some flexibility with chores, but I also work an hour or two most evenings.

I do find it's pretty important for me to get to bed before 11, or I start feeling how you describe.

Definitely see if you can cut down a bit on the housework, though I agree all these tasks take time and sometimes it's just not possible. Have you tried a robot mop for your floors? I have a Braava jet for a tile floor, it's not perfect but helps make things clean enough day to day that I don't have to mop all the time.

Honestly, yes, a bit. I've promised myself I'll take it down a notch by my birthday next year as I'm burning out.

I work 2 jobs, so during the week, I'm basically on duty with kids or work from 5am to 8pm every day. Weekends I catchup on household stuff (they go to their dads one day a fortnight normally), or if it's felt like a long week, I just sit and do very little.

You need to make sure you're feeding yourself right - and for me, a multi-vitamin makes more difference than I would have believed - dunno what I'm short on, but clearly something.

I was when I was a single mother. I used to walk around with the baby in the pram in the early hours of the morning to get her to sleep. Go home and it wouldn’t be worth going to bed because I had to be up for work at 6. It’s not much better now with my second dc. DH works long hours and I do all the nights despite working a from home job. My toddler is a crap sleeper at the best of times. 5 to 6 hours is a good night around here. Lately the kids have been ill and neither of them sleep when they’re sick. These nights I get 1-2 hours. Last night the toddler was I’ll, finally gave in to sleep at 8:30, I worked until 11 pm went to bed and she was up crying at midnight until 5 this morning. Didn’t bother to go back to sleep as my other dc was up at 6. The sleep deprivation is horrible.

@Smearywindowsagain

That sounds like a brutal night! It's so hard when they're unwell and don't sleep 😔

I think you could speed up between 9:30 and sleeping! This is what I find hard too (not a single parent) but really we should just get to sleep asap!

What robot hoover is it you use? I've been thinking of getting one but don't know how good it would be.