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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at being left out

113 replies

Raeofsunshine1 · 06/12/2022 03:55

I have 2 young children- youngest baby is 8 weeks old now.

Just found out that several members of my family have booked to go for a lovely afternoon tea in the lead up to Christmas in a famous hotel in London, that I have never been to. I would have absolutely loved this but I have not been invited- AIBU to be really upset? I can't stop thinking about it and its made me feel really sad that I have been excluded. I have not been out with friends or family for close to 2 years and have a really tough time during pregnancy- where I came close to actually dying as a result of complications. I just feel it would have been nice to have been thought of and just so lovely to have had some time to do something special and have a break :(

OP posts:
Itsbeenashortyear · 06/12/2022 07:27

Also I once remember being accused of leaving someone out of a trip. That person had a newborn also. This person then kicked off at not been invited, until I pointed out that they had been and said no. They had simply forgotten as I asked when we booked 6 months prior

ilovepixie · 07/12/2022 12:00

Just ask them?

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 07/12/2022 12:04

I’d ask them. They probably feel that with an 8 week old baby you don’t want to leave the baby or maybe are worried about costs.

If you can tell your family that the baby will be looked after, you can afford it, plus it’ll be nice for you to get out, see London (shops?) etc then they should be fine.

YukioMishimaCore · 07/12/2022 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

latetothefisting · 07/12/2022 12:12

ClaryFairchild · 06/12/2022 07:13

If it's the Ritz then it would have been booked months ago, when you were still very much pregnant.

What's this got to do with anything? They are her family they would have known her due date and roughly how old baby would probably be! It's not like its completely unguessable -hmm shall we invite OP? No we've got no idea what her circumstances will be, will she have had the baby or will she be the world's first woman with an 11month pregnancy?

I agree with the poster who said stop making excuses for the family- there is no reason why they couldn't have just asked!
"We are booking x for y day, it would be lovely if you can come but we want it to just be adults so completely up to you, we fully understand if you're not sure if you'll want to leave the baby at that stage. We can book you in if you want but be aware that if you don't come you'll lose the deposit, or you can just wait and see if we can add you on closer to the date but obviously we can't guarantee that. Completely up to you!"

The only reason for not inviting you would be if it was a special treat for someone so they wanted to go alone but they still should have mentioned it!

Peashoots · 07/12/2022 12:15

latetothefisting · 07/12/2022 12:12

What's this got to do with anything? They are her family they would have known her due date and roughly how old baby would probably be! It's not like its completely unguessable -hmm shall we invite OP? No we've got no idea what her circumstances will be, will she have had the baby or will she be the world's first woman with an 11month pregnancy?

I agree with the poster who said stop making excuses for the family- there is no reason why they couldn't have just asked!
"We are booking x for y day, it would be lovely if you can come but we want it to just be adults so completely up to you, we fully understand if you're not sure if you'll want to leave the baby at that stage. We can book you in if you want but be aware that if you don't come you'll lose the deposit, or you can just wait and see if we can add you on closer to the date but obviously we can't guarantee that. Completely up to you!"

The only reason for not inviting you would be if it was a special treat for someone so they wanted to go alone but they still should have mentioned it!

Show quote history

Agreed with this. Why do some people on mumsnet tie themselves in knots to make excuses for mean behaviour just to be contrary. Baffles me.
op I would ask, at best they’ve been thoughtless. Which relatives are they?

beepbeep · 07/12/2022 12:17

My family do this, I find out they’ve been out or away on social media. It hurts, even if I can’t go it would be nice to be asked.
No excuse in my opinion, it’s just thoughtless and rude

beachcitygirl · 07/12/2022 12:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

beachcitygirl · 07/12/2022 12:22

@FrangipaniBlue I'm so bloody sorry. Mea culpa. I misread your post & took it completely wrong.
I am very very sorry. My bad. Completely. I'm dyslexic & get Furious when folk criticise spelling

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 07/12/2022 12:23

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Get over yourself ffs, she was taking about her own post.

poefaced · 07/12/2022 12:25

😂

poefaced · 07/12/2022 12:26

OP, call and find out why you weren’t invited.

beachcitygirl · 07/12/2022 12:26

@WomanhoodIsABirthright yup. Which is why I fully & completely & without reservation apologised 👇🏻 & reported my own post.

See how easy it is to not notice something.?

So why don't you take your own advice.

Yadaah · 07/12/2022 12:27

Whilst it’s inconsiderate of them to not invite you it probably wasn’t done out of any malice. You should ask them why you weren’t invited to go too, they likely (and wrongly) assumed it wouldn’t interest you. But if you don’t say anything about it too them then you are likely to be left out in future also.
I feel like it’s always better to invite someone and be turned down than to not invite them and hurt their feeling/create an issue because you simply didn’t think about them

poefaced · 07/12/2022 12:27

beachcitygirl · 07/12/2022 12:26

@WomanhoodIsABirthright yup. Which is why I fully & completely & without reservation apologised 👇🏻 & reported my own post.

See how easy it is to not notice something.?

So why don't you take your own advice.

She crossed posted with you. Stop being so argumentative.

peachgreen · 07/12/2022 12:27

It sort of depends who it is. If it's your mum and two sisters, it's very harsh that you haven't been invited. But if it's your mum and two aunties then it's okay for them to do something alone. That sort of thing.

London hotel afternoon teas are hugely overrated anyway so you're not missing much.

cstaff · 07/12/2022 12:28

beachcitygirl · 07/12/2022 12:22

@FrangipaniBlue I'm so bloody sorry. Mea culpa. I misread your post & took it completely wrong.
I am very very sorry. My bad. Completely. I'm dyslexic & get Furious when folk criticise spelling

Your post made me lol - I could see that you had completely misread / misunderstood Frangipan's post (about herself 😂) and had to hold back as I am in work today.

JohnStuartMill · 07/12/2022 12:29

Raeofsunshine1 · 06/12/2022 04:26

My dh would have had the baby… I don’t know why I haven’t been invited:(

Maybe they did not realise your DH would have had the baby?

As you said in your OP, you have not been out with friends or family for close to 2 years. They probably didn't ask you as they presumed you would not come.

KatherineJaneway · 07/12/2022 12:31

camdenn · 06/12/2022 04:30

Your youngest is 8 weeks…that’s the reason why. They probably assume you have your hands full at home are are still recovering/adjusting

I agree with this.

Bellaboo01 · 07/12/2022 12:32

Raeofsunshine1 · 06/12/2022 03:55

I have 2 young children- youngest baby is 8 weeks old now.

Just found out that several members of my family have booked to go for a lovely afternoon tea in the lead up to Christmas in a famous hotel in London, that I have never been to. I would have absolutely loved this but I have not been invited- AIBU to be really upset? I can't stop thinking about it and its made me feel really sad that I have been excluded. I have not been out with friends or family for close to 2 years and have a really tough time during pregnancy- where I came close to actually dying as a result of complications. I just feel it would have been nice to have been thought of and just so lovely to have had some time to do something special and have a break :(

I am assuming that as these are people who are close to you - I am certain that you would have been invited but, there has been a error in communication.

Just ask one of them x

Charlize43 · 07/12/2022 12:32

Do you have a suspicion who might have excluded you? A jealous sibling? A selfish stepmother not wanting to include her step children? etc...

Fladdermus · 07/12/2022 12:35

Who's going?

YouTarzan · 07/12/2022 12:36

If you really haven’t been out in two years, I suspect there is more background to this than exists in your post.

MariaVon · 07/12/2022 12:38

I've been excluded many many times, it's always my Dad's side and my step mum favours her kids above me and my sibling, so my Dad just ends up seeing them more. You know what, it'll always sting a bit to get forgot about. There was something I really wanted to go to recently and you know what I did? I invited myself, went along and had a great time. I don't see the point in causing arguments over it (although you feel like it sometimes). There's a saying, you catch more flies with sugar than s**t; so be positive and invite yourself to things you really want to do. Make excuses for them in your own mind, go along and be happy to be in their company. Life is too short, invite yourself 100%. Lots of love sent x x

RealBecca · 07/12/2022 12:39

How much time have you invested in these relationships in the last 2 years?

Do you make plans to meet up like going out for lunch or coffee?
When you meet up, do you listen to their problems?
Are you timely at texting back? Do you initiate conversations and meet ups? Have they taken you up on meeting up?

If the answer to all of this is yes, then I can 100% see why you are upset.

If there are a few No answers then maybe there are some clues there. I'm sorry that sounds mean, it's not intended that way, text just comes across a bit harsh when written down.

I also dont mean this harshly but if you haven't been making plans then they may not think to invite you. If you have needed a lot of intense support it may be that they want something lighthearted X