Friend crossed the line with my daughter

[chandie]

I'm not happy about it.

She had my DD in an emergency for me. DD is 10 months old and breastfed, but eats a lot and drinks from a bottle no problem

I was gone for just 2.5 hours.

When I returned, my friends had said to me 'sorry but I did feed her she just seemed really unsettled and like she needed to nurse'

I was shocked, and asked why she would do that? If she's hungry give her the food I'd left, or her bottle

She said yea but she just wanted comfort. I said I wasn't even gone that long

She has now taken to a Facebook group called 'Breastfeeding Yummy mummies UK' and slagged me off. Loads of people backing her saying I've got the problem.

Now, I'm not against breastfeeding, I fed DS until age 3. But I don't want someone else feeding her and shouldn't have to explicitly explain that before leaving her with someone who can breastfeed surely?

Yes a weird power play if it’s never been discussed during your friendship.

I’d feel quite violated

She is obviously a militant breastfeeder who fantasises about being a wet nurse.

if you can see how aggressive this group is based on what other posters have said, then you now see what sort of a person your friend is. She doesn’t think you are capable of making choices of what to feed your baby. She can’t bring herself to put a bottle in a baby’s mouth and thought her tit was better.

OP I would be furious but also worried about this.

@CloudyYellow
you didn’t know that HIV can be transmitted via breast milk?

it’s pretty common knowledge I’d have thought.

To me it does border on being an assault. let’s face it No other person would tolerate having potentially infectious bodily fluids inserted into them without consent.

It's a shame your DD was't chronically teething really. Stupid bitch wouldn't have done it again!

Bizarre behaviour on her part. There are other ways to comfort a baby! How does she think us bottle feeders manage! This would gross me out.

Why would I know? You are making assumptions when in fact my children are grown up so not up to date with HIV as was not discussed during my pregnancies.

Agree about bodily fluids and consent. It really is disgusting what she did.

OP can you save her messages on FB incase you decide to take this further?

I'm immediately thinking of the scene in 'The hand that rocks the cradle' 😳
Your friend is a complete loon. Drop her like a hot potato x

Those bloody breastfeeding groups are not to be trusted. Full of lentil weaving weirdos who are seriously judgmental if you don’t breastfeed your child until the age of 9. The fact they’re supporting her says it all!

I've never seen that film but it sounds like the character had just a tad of a screw loose!

Please do not watch it. You wont sleep again! What really intrigues me is where do you see your friendship now?

@TheTartfulLodger I can't be friends with her anymore. I just feel it's not worth even trying to, I won't be able to forget this sadly

100% agreed.

A simple look at the group rules makes it extremely clear they will belittle, look down on and judge women who formula feed. They explicitly state they don't believe fed is best, and that breastfeeding should come over and above a mother's emotional and mental wellbeing. They sound like a group of nasty fuckers who delight in driving vulnerable women to PND.

Like my friend's health visitor, ( she knew my friend had no family support in the area and had depression and anxiety). Still felt it appropriate to bang on to my friend who had started FF her baby after baby lost dangerous amounts of weight , that my friend was super likely to get breast cancer if she didn't breast feed.

I am formula feeding. I'm FF cos my partner works long shifts, and I need to be awake for the baby. I have lost count at the amount of times i've gone to baby groups, ( rhyme time, stay and play etc), and when I am giving my happy/ content baby her bottle i'm interrupted by someone I don't even know to demand to know why i'm not breastfeeding.

It's all about her isn't it... I bet she'll still be feeding hers at age 9. She really crossed a line and she knows it. I would contemplate going to the police just to put the shits up her.

🙄🙄

These people make me so angry

I have bf friends kids but only after I was begged to. I’d never even think of doing it otherwise. My breasts are for my baby - from a purely practical level I wouldn’t want to waste that precious milk on others kids.

I was thinking of this woman. She wasn’t actually lactating though, just stuck a stranger’s baby on her tit for the fun of it.

I am ebf DS. I think this is grim and totally inappropriate. Donated milk is one thing (babies not taking other nutrition, parental consent, screening etc) but what your friend did is not comparable too intimate and unnecessary for me.

I bf both my kids and I'm a midwife... so naturally very supportive of bf. Including, bf groups, sharing care, bf agreements with other mums, donation etc. But, i think this is fucking outrageous! For all the reasons mentioned... it could be considered aggressive, psychpathic even.
Wow... just wow. The 'friendship' would be over for me 100%.

*psychopathic

‘I don't care! There are other ways to soothe a baby other than whipping your tit out and subjecting a baby’

This entire situation infuriates me and I would feel as if my baby had been violated however, this statement you made made me laugh out loud.

Breastfeeding a child that's not yours? Breastfeeding your child until 3yrs?

A lot going on

I bloody LOVE breastfeeding, and I can get a bit gooey about it, but there's no way on EARTH that it would cross my mind for s second to do this. No chance. I'd be absolutely furious, but I'm finding it hard to pin down why.

Yeah, sorry but this crosses into assault for me. The baby can't consent so consent from parent is required and wasn't given. As others have said, swapping of bodily fluids without consent. Small risk of disease but a risk nonetheless. You didn't ask her to be a wet nurse. Batshit.