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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend crossed the line with my daughter

130 replies

chandie · 05/12/2022 18:36

I'm not happy about it.

She had my DD in an emergency for me. DD is 10 months old and breastfed, but eats a lot and drinks from a bottle no problem

I was gone for just 2.5 hours.

When I returned, my friends had said to me 'sorry but I did feed her Blush she just seemed really unsettled and like she needed to nurse'

I was shocked, and asked why she would do that? If she's hungry give her the food I'd left, or her bottle

She said yea but she just wanted comfort. I said I wasn't even gone that long

She has now taken to a Facebook group called 'Breastfeeding Yummy mummies UK' and slagged me off. Loads of people backing her saying I've got the problem.

Now, I'm not against breastfeeding, I fed DS until age 3. But I don't want someone else feeding her and shouldn't have to explicitly explain that before leaving her with someone who can breastfeed surely? Envy

OP posts:
Seasidesusy · 05/12/2022 18:47

It’s not her job to provide that sort of comfort unless it was something you’d discussed and agreed on.

Rainraingoaway21 · 05/12/2022 18:47

Even her thinking was for comfort I'm sorry but at 10 months there are other ways and distractions. She wasn't a newborn!

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 05/12/2022 18:47

What does the post say? It's a private group.

OrlaCarmichael · 05/12/2022 18:47

It’s always happened between women, and still does, far more than would be openly admitted, as it’s become taboo. There’s even a term for it, which I can’t remember right now.

The difference is there is high trust between the women and it’s a mutual understanding - sisters, close friends, childminders do do this for each other, not with newborns, but after the attachment has been made.

Obviously that’s not something you two had discussed before the emergency.

Good that she told you

MajorCarolDanvers · 05/12/2022 18:47

I don't think that's something you do without permission in advance. I'm not at all surprised you are not happy about it.

Original poster
chandie · 05/12/2022 18:48

Rainraingoaway21 · 05/12/2022 18:47

Even her thinking was for comfort I'm sorry but at 10 months there are other ways and distractions. She wasn't a newborn!

She had her for me when she was a newborn, for a few hours whilst I went to hospital with DS. I wouldn't put it past her now to think she done it then too Angry

OP posts:
meltingmyhead · 05/12/2022 18:48

WTAF!! she's batshit

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 05/12/2022 18:49

That's really grim.

StollenAway · 05/12/2022 18:49

I have breastfed my friend’s baby and I have asked a friend to breastfeed mine if necessary in similar situations but I would NEVER NEVER breastfeed a baby that wasn’t my own without the mother having asked beforehand that I do so!

There are some very strange breastfeeding FB groups out there, ditto very strange attachment parenting groups, cloth nappy groups… etc. It’s quite alarming what these Mums think of other Mums who don’t prescribe to their views and I’d steer clear of this friend now.

IhearyouClemFandango · 05/12/2022 18:50

It wouldn't bother me at all, and there is nothing grim about it per se. However as with any decision about a baby, she should have checked with you first.

Could she have been very distressed being away from you?

Welshy26 · 05/12/2022 18:51

Wow. She crossed the line big-time. I'm furious for you!

Original poster
chandie · 05/12/2022 18:52

IhearyouClemFandango · 05/12/2022 18:50

It wouldn't bother me at all, and there is nothing grim about it per se. However as with any decision about a baby, she should have checked with you first.

Could she have been very distressed being away from you?

I don't care! There are other ways to soothe a baby other than whipping your tit out and subjecting a baby to that when their parent can't say no

OP posts:
theunbelonging · 05/12/2022 18:52

That's so unnecessary, I would be livid. I mean, what if she has hepatitis and doesn't know? Just yuk.

Namechangenumber23 · 05/12/2022 18:53

That link; absolutely hilarious that the first rule on the list is be kind and courteous.

YANBU OP. It's a massive overstepping of boundaries. Don't let anyone make you feel how YOU feel about it is unreasonable or invalid.

C1N1C · 05/12/2022 18:53

Am i overreacting to think this is a police matter??

To feed a baby should be the sole right of the mother. For someone else to do it is non-consensual and possibly harmful given many diseases are passed through lactation.

If that child was older and someone mentioned non-consensual fluid transfer... there'd be a word mentioned... (sorry, just my thoughts)... I'd be repulsed!

WeeOrcadian · 05/12/2022 18:53

chandie · 05/12/2022 18:52

I don't care! There are other ways to soothe a baby other than whipping your tit out and subjecting a baby to that when their parent can't say no

Show quote history

"whipping your tit out"? Ew.

Original poster
chandie · 05/12/2022 18:55

C1N1C · 05/12/2022 18:53

Am i overreacting to think this is a police matter??

To feed a baby should be the sole right of the mother. For someone else to do it is non-consensual and possibly harmful given many diseases are passed through lactation.

If that child was older and someone mentioned non-consensual fluid transfer... there'd be a word mentioned... (sorry, just my thoughts)... I'd be repulsed!

I do think the police is a bit of an overreaction sorry Grin it is milk not wee

OP posts:
stuntbubbles · 05/12/2022 18:55

chandie · 05/12/2022 18:52

I don't care! There are other ways to soothe a baby other than whipping your tit out and subjecting a baby to that when their parent can't say no

Show quote history

“Whipping your tit out.” Ah, I wondered when the anti-BF rhetoric would emerge on this very, very weird thread. Kudos for a new take on the bunfight though!

PenelopeTitsDrop3121 · 05/12/2022 18:55

She was definitely in the wrong. How dare she!! HIV can be transmitted through breast milk,a small risk but a risk all the same.

Original poster
chandie · 05/12/2022 18:56

@stuntbubbles for goodness sakes I'm angry not anti breastfeeding. Fed DS for 3 years but with MY boobs Confused nobody else's!

OP posts:
Original poster
chandie · 05/12/2022 18:58

Namechangenumber23 · 05/12/2022 18:53

That link; absolutely hilarious that the first rule on the list is be kind and courteous.

YANBU OP. It's a massive overstepping of boundaries. Don't let anyone make you feel how YOU feel about it is unreasonable or invalid.

Most of those group members are absolutely batshit. Some normal innocent women amongst them but not a lot

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 05/12/2022 18:58

chandie · 05/12/2022 18:56

@stuntbubbles for goodness sakes I'm angry not anti breastfeeding. Fed DS for 3 years but with MY boobs Confused nobody else's!

That you know of.

Ever leave your son with your friend?

C1N1C · 05/12/2022 18:58

This reply has been deleted

We've removed this link as we don't allow campaigns of this sort outside of the NFP surveys topic.

SuperSuperCold · 05/12/2022 18:59

Totally weird 🤮

And not ok at all.

I would be really really unhappy with this. To be honest, there is not alot I'd fall out with a friend for, but I do think this is one. She's easy crossed the line.

SuperSuperCold · 05/12/2022 19:01

C1N1C · 05/12/2022 18:53

Am i overreacting to think this is a police matter??

To feed a baby should be the sole right of the mother. For someone else to do it is non-consensual and possibly harmful given many diseases are passed through lactation.

If that child was older and someone mentioned non-consensual fluid transfer... there'd be a word mentioned... (sorry, just my thoughts)... I'd be repulsed!

I'm kind of with you on this.