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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

By not wanting to take my 6month out in the cold for 4 hours?

87 replies

Subzer0 · 04/12/2022 10:17

Just wanted to preface this by saying I'm the father but wanted a woman's/mother's perspective because I don't have many women in my life other than my wife, hope this is okay.

My son just got out of A and E yesterday. He suffered from bronchiolitis at 1 week old and each time he gets a cold now he suffers (He's now 6 months). Took him to A and E yesterday, they say his O2 sats were fine (thank God!) but weren't happy with his wheezing and sent him home with an inhaler plus spacer device.

I (husband) booked the family to go to a Christmas adventureland today with the kids. It wasn't cheap but I told my Wife today that I didn't want to take the little one out in this weather, considering we would be out for around 4 hours. And considering the fact he's just come out of hospital and is ill.

My wife is now hugely upset and angry with me, saying I ruin everything.. etc. Saying he will be okay if we wrap him up.

I said I more than happy to drop her and the older 2 kids off but wasn't happy keeping the little one in the cold for more than 1hr. But no, she said it's either all of us or none, so now told the other 2 kids we're not going and basically blaimed me for that!

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
glugluggg · 04/12/2022 10:19

Subzer0 · 04/12/2022 10:17

Just wanted to preface this by saying I'm the father but wanted a woman's/mother's perspective because I don't have many women in my life other than my wife, hope this is okay.

My son just got out of A and E yesterday. He suffered from bronchiolitis at 1 week old and each time he gets a cold now he suffers (He's now 6 months). Took him to A and E yesterday, they say his O2 sats were fine (thank God!) but weren't happy with his wheezing and sent him home with an inhaler plus spacer device.

I (husband) booked the family to go to a Christmas adventureland today with the kids. It wasn't cheap but I told my Wife today that I didn't want to take the little one out in this weather, considering we would be out for around 4 hours. And considering the fact he's just come out of hospital and is ill.

My wife is now hugely upset and angry with me, saying I ruin everything.. etc. Saying he will be okay if we wrap him up.

I said I more than happy to drop her and the older 2 kids off but wasn't happy keeping the little one in the cold for more than 1hr. But no, she said it's either all of us or none, so now told the other 2 kids we're not going and basically blaimed me for that!

Am I being unreasonable?

I think you're right, he shouldn't be out for 4 hours, it's too cold. A bit of fresh air might be good for him, but not 4 hours. Your wife is probably just upset because she wanted everyone to go and was looking forward to it. I'm sure she'll calm soon and see sense.

Janedoe82 · 04/12/2022 10:20

Why don’t you leave her with the baby and take the two older children.

endofthelinefinally · 04/12/2022 10:22

Cold air is not good for a child recovering from bronchiolitis. YANBU.

LimitIsUp · 04/12/2022 10:22

I wouldn't take the baby out either given that he's been unwell

ShadowPuppets · 04/12/2022 10:22

Ordinarily I’m firmly of the ‘wrap a baby up warm and a bit of cold air does them wonders’ but with baby having been in hospital so recently I agree with you.

PuttingDownRoots · 04/12/2022 10:22

All not going as one child is ill is ridiculous. Its what happens with multiple kids, sometimes plans go awry.

BookedOut · 04/12/2022 10:23

Does the cold air make him worse or better? I know for some things (like croup) it can help.

if the cold air doesn’t make him worse, I would probably got if he was in a sling on my front under my coat, so I could tell quickly if he was cold or getting worse, and we could share body heat and I’d be very close to him and hear his breathing etc. With a back up plan to bail and take him home, and a way for the rest of the family to stay longer and still get home.

But it’s not an obvious choice, and just taking the older DC also makes sense.

Caterina99 · 04/12/2022 10:23

I’m a mum to more than one kid. The baby and the cold is your call as parents and no one can tell you what’s right or wrong. I’d probably agree with you though if my baby had just been to a&e yesterday.

I wouldn’t make my other kids miss out though and one of us would stay at home with the baby and one take the other kids. Assuming that is possible!

Original poster
Subzer0 · 04/12/2022 10:23

I've also suggested this but she's flew off the handle and said we all go or none of us go. I beginning to realise that I will never win 😅

OP posts:
DreamyMea · 04/12/2022 10:24

Your wife is extremely unreasonable

forageintheforest · 04/12/2022 10:24

Totally agree with all the other posters. Its not enough to wrap up baby. They will be breathing in very cold air which could bring on the wheeze again. Baby should not go.

notdaddycool · 04/12/2022 10:25

From the title I thought wrap up and get in with it. From the post you’d be crazy to take the baby out.

NoSquirrels · 04/12/2022 10:27

Why can’t you all go, then you & baby (or wife & baby) head to a cafe or come home or whatever after an hour?

Is it a very long way away? Does your wife find being alone with the kids in a busy place stressful?

DuplicateUserName · 04/12/2022 10:28

YANBU, 4 hours in the cold when baby's not well would be selfish.

MrsK89 · 04/12/2022 10:28

I agree with you op. If it was for an hour max then fine. Just give her a choice. Either she stays home with the baby or you do. I wouldn't let the older children miss out

BCBird · 04/12/2022 10:29

Think u have another child there too. Your wife was probably looking forward to family time together,which I understand BUT her reaction is childlike. There needs to bd some kind of compromise. One of you needs to stay at home with the recovering infant,the other one takes the others. Simple

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/12/2022 10:30

Are the older children yours as well?

She might be upset if she feels that they are being sidelined because of The Baby all the time, especially if you're very protective of your PFB and she's more relaxed because she's already had two. If so, is it a frequent thing that you cancel or refuse things that the older two/she would enjoy because of The Baby?

(I'm not saying she's right BTW, I'm trying to think of reasons why she could be reacting like this).

ApolloandDaphne · 04/12/2022 10:30

Your compromise is the correct one given your baby has been unwell.

Montague22 · 04/12/2022 10:32

One of mine had bronchiolitis as a newborn and it’s so scary. I remember asking about taking him to the park with his sibling as this was at this time of year too. I was told it was okay if it wasn’t really damp. I wouldn’t keep them out for long though. Could you pop the baby in a sling?
Could you go in two cars and you bring the baby home after an hour?

SleepingStandingUp · 04/12/2022 10:32

It's hard when you have a poorly baby and everything hinges around that, you never get those perfect moments because they're anyways something or the fear of something.

What time would you need to leave? I'd make her a cuppa and explain you really want her and the big kids to have a great day and go but you'll both just be worrying about baby all day of he comes you. Remind her that next year he'll be bigger and stronger and will be able to enjoy it more.

6 months of anxiety presents itself sometimes irrationally.

Don't tell her you asked mn

Coasterfan · 04/12/2022 10:35

One of you need to take the other two, it’s completely unreasonable that they miss out.

WonderfulCounsellors · 04/12/2022 10:37

There is no way I would go. I think one of you should take the older children. I can understand you are all a bit tired and stressed but it’s just not a good idea. I have a ticket for the switch on at a stately home tomorrow, it’s a private viewing and was free so no crowds with my friend who helps run this home, lovely but I’m ill so will miss it and am annoyed.

Original poster
Subzer0 · 04/12/2022 10:43

I just sat her down and asked why she was so upset. Basically she comes from a very disfunctional family and she's had a hard life. She never really had Christmas and was in an abusive relationship before this so her 2 kids (I treat them as my own) didn't get Christmas either.

Obviously since I've been in her and her children's life I've made an effort to make every Christmas as good as I can afford. I try my best, we both do.

But my son's health or any of our children's health was at risk I have to stand my ground. Even if it was one of the older kids it would be the same outcome.

OP posts:
thelobsterquadrille · 04/12/2022 10:44

Your wife is being ridiculous.

One of you needs to stay home with the baby while the other one takes the older two.

Yes, it's unfortunate you can't all go together but that's life with multiple children unfortunately!

Montague22 · 04/12/2022 10:49

Are there any inside days out you could do instead all together? It’s possibly too late to be book something Christmas specific, but maybe some kind of museum then lunch out?

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