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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

By not wanting to take my 6month out in the cold for 4 hours?

87 replies

Subzer0 · 04/12/2022 10:17

Just wanted to preface this by saying I'm the father but wanted a woman's/mother's perspective because I don't have many women in my life other than my wife, hope this is okay.

My son just got out of A and E yesterday. He suffered from bronchiolitis at 1 week old and each time he gets a cold now he suffers (He's now 6 months). Took him to A and E yesterday, they say his O2 sats were fine (thank God!) but weren't happy with his wheezing and sent him home with an inhaler plus spacer device.

I (husband) booked the family to go to a Christmas adventureland today with the kids. It wasn't cheap but I told my Wife today that I didn't want to take the little one out in this weather, considering we would be out for around 4 hours. And considering the fact he's just come out of hospital and is ill.

My wife is now hugely upset and angry with me, saying I ruin everything.. etc. Saying he will be okay if we wrap him up.

I said I more than happy to drop her and the older 2 kids off but wasn't happy keeping the little one in the cold for more than 1hr. But no, she said it's either all of us or none, so now told the other 2 kids we're not going and basically blaimed me for that!

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Pondere · 04/12/2022 10:52

Agree with you. Having a toddler who has suffered from bronchiolitis and wheeze from a young age, it’s tough and I really wouldn’t be taking him out into the cold for several hours.

Also, separate point, but it is debatable whether an inhaler works with someone so young. Apparently they don’t develop the receptors on their lungs until around a year. No harm in giving it a go obviously but just a word of caution.

Goldbar · 04/12/2022 11:01

YANBU, but the other children shouldn't miss out either.

One of you should take them and the other should stay with the baby in the warmth - either at home or all go together if there is an indoor cafe at the place you are going to, then you could take turns staying inside with the baby and being with the other children.

Your wife needs to be sensible and think about how much can be salvaged of the day out for the other children while keeping your LO warm and safe.

KatherineJaneway · 04/12/2022 11:08

YANBU to not want to take your son out in the cold but you and your wife are both very unreasonable for letting your row spoil your kids outing. You should have worked on a compromise.

catandcoffee · 04/12/2022 11:11

You are right in this situation. Breathing in very cold air is not going to help your child's lungs.

LadyEloise1 · 04/12/2022 11:15

Please please compromise for the sake of the other children.

CarefreeMe · 04/12/2022 11:15

YANBU

If they are your biological DCs then it’s important that they get time alone with their biological parent anyway.

If you really want to go then I’d see if anyone could babysit but I definitely wouldn’t take the baby.

She is being very unreasonable and very unfair to all of the children.

Is this the only time she’s been like this?

Growing up my parents were like this and would have an argument just before we were going to do anything fun and then the entire day would be ruined as there was a silent tension all day.

CarefreeMe · 04/12/2022 11:18

You should have worked on a compromise.

Why would you compromise on risking your child’s health?

It’s different if OP said none of them can go now and then the compromise would be that the mum takes the other children - the compromise has already been done.

There is no more to compromise on.

The wife is just being very selfish and it’s not for OP to try and make her less selfish.

gogohmm · 04/12/2022 11:19

I would wrap the baby up and go, the cold air is not an issue with illness as long as suitably dressed and sometimes actually helps.

I'm wondering if actually this is really about previous outings and the h trying to get out of going??? I have an exh like that

thelobsterquadrille · 04/12/2022 11:20

LadyEloise1 · 04/12/2022 11:15

Please please compromise for the sake of the other children.

OP has suggested multiple compromises. His wife isn't interested.

Tillylime · 04/12/2022 11:23

Your wife sounds immature and this is probably as a result of her upbringing.
I think you need to stand firm that you will not take your dc out in the cold.
And reiterate that you are very happy to drop her off with the older dc.

swirlypinky · 04/12/2022 11:25

you sound sensible. Your wife sounds a little unbalanced. She should take her two older kids and you stay home with baby

It's very cold at the
Moment

Trinity65 · 04/12/2022 11:28

YANBU

AliceS1994 · 04/12/2022 11:42

If baby wasn't well I would say to wrap up well. Cold air doesn't cause a cold or illness, that's a myth. However it will make little ones symptoms much worse and they'l could be really uncomfortable. Because of the recent hospital admission I personally wouldn't want to bring them..

I can see why your wife is upset, when your a mum your world becomes much smaller and you end up really looking forward to things like this. I would give her a few options, like she can stay at home with bub, or you could stay with the baby and she can take the older children (this is the option I'd prefer!), or you could all go but agree to stay for only an hour? Or is there a cafe somewhere at the event where mum can sit in the warm with a hot chocolate and baby and avoid the cold?

Stressedmum2017 · 04/12/2022 11:46

I agree with you. How selfish of your wife to not only want your ill baby out in the cold but then stopping the other children from going and enjoying themselves so she can throw a tantrum. Sounds like she's a bit lacking in the maternal department.

CarefreeMe · 04/12/2022 11:58

I agree with you. How selfish of your wife to not only want your ill baby out in the cold but then stopping the other children from going and enjoying themselves so she can throw a tantrum. Sounds like she's a bit lacking in the maternal department.

I agree.

I wonder if she’s just used to getting her own way whenever she stamps her feet.

OP is the one missing out and losing money, yet she’s the one acting hard done by.

DuplicateUserName · 04/12/2022 12:21

LadyEloise1 · 04/12/2022 11:15

Please please compromise for the sake of the other children.

Did you miss this bit in the OP?

I said I more than happy to drop her and the older 2 kids off but wasn't happy keeping the little one in the cold for more than 1hr.

Herejustforthisone · 04/12/2022 12:22

What harm is fresh air going to do?

thelobsterquadrille · 04/12/2022 12:23

Herejustforthisone · 04/12/2022 12:22

What harm is fresh air going to do?

Because it's cold, damp air and the little one has just come out of hospital with Bronchiolitis.

Cold, damp air can make wheezing worse and make the baby even more unwell.

Dotcheck · 04/12/2022 12:28

I'm confused. OP- you booked it? Knowing that your little one couldn’t go?
Did you discuss that with her?
Maybe I need to read the op again

ElegantlyTouched · 04/12/2022 12:30

Dotcheck · 04/12/2022 12:28

I'm confused. OP- you booked it? Knowing that your little one couldn’t go?
Did you discuss that with her?
Maybe I need to read the op again

I presume it was booked in advance before the latest hospitalisation.

thelobsterquadrille · 04/12/2022 12:56

Dotcheck · 04/12/2022 12:28

I'm confused. OP- you booked it? Knowing that your little one couldn’t go?
Did you discuss that with her?
Maybe I need to read the op again

Presumably he booked it in advance, then the baby ended up in hospital and now, understandably, he wants to keep them at home instead.

Isn't that just life with multiple children? Sometimes one will be unwell or have other commitments and so the family needs to split their time.

Bedazzled22 · 04/12/2022 13:01

You are not being unreasonable. My son also had that when he was a baby and there is no way on this earth I would be taking him out on a cold day when he had just been to hospital. Your wife is being unreasonable. She is thinking of her own feelings, rather than what is best for the baby.

LadyEloise1 · 04/12/2022 13:01

@DuplicateUserName
No I didn't miss what the OP wrote I was just reiterating the need for compromise and to keep trying for the sake of the other children.
The mother of the dc had a sh*t time apparently at Christmas - surely she'd want to ensure the other children could enjoy the probably eagerly anticipated trip, while one parent looked after a baby just out of hospital.
"All go or nobody goes" is an odd stance to take, imo.

2bazookas · 04/12/2022 13:02

6 month old DC4 spent his first xmas in hospital with bronchiolitis. It was absolutely terrifying so I understand your caution and would take the same view. It's not suitable for yours to spend four hours outdoors in winter.

Can you get a trusted friend to babysit him at home? Other wise, I'd stay home with him.

Sirzy · 04/12/2022 13:03

Herejustforthisone · 04/12/2022 12:22

What harm is fresh air going to do?

A bit if fresh air is one thing but being outside for 4 hours when poorly is a different matter.

ds was a bronchi baby and sadly as a result we had to miss out on some things when he was little because of it. When he was well we did things but not straight after a hospital trip.