To say I think SIL/MIL and my DM have ruined my idea of Christmas?

[Cristmasshmismas]

NC for this! It’s the whole getting gifts in the January sales, shopping throughout the year that I think took the fun/point of Christmas shopping . My SIL/MIL used to do this and then drop the gifts off in OCT incase they didn’t see us.

It drove me nuts…to me it seemed it was box ticking, getting a job done. None of the gifts were ever particularly thoughtful or had a point other than being something to wrap. It put a whole new spin on Christmas I had never experienced. I used to spend ages thinking of nice gifts that they would love/need/want and I loved watching them open them. Then I would be given something that had no meaning at all!

My DM on the other hand likes to tell me what she wants in Nov/dec which equally takes the fun out of it. And the very fact that the woman buys everything for herself as and when she sees it means there’s not a lot left to get her.

I hated it so I made the announcement 2 years ago that I would only be buying for the children in the family from now on. I don’t think adults need gifts to be honest…most of us are old enough and able enough now to be able to buy things for ourselves.

Im also a minimalist so a candle, decoration etc would be just pointless for me…I used to say this out loud all the time and
It’s obvious when you enter my house. Any ornaments I have (2 pieces!) are art. I don’t have shelf’s with “stuff” displayed. I know I sound ridiculous but it literally makes me anxious having things I don’t need or want.

I LOVE buying for my dc as that’s where the magic is for me (and all of there stuff goes in their bedroom lol!)

AIBU to say that as you get older that Christmas is not the same and we should just stick to making it magic for the dc?

Who has made you the Christmas Police ?

Sounds like my sister. Only buy for the children, until her children become adults and we still have to buy for them.

Christmas is enjoyable for everyone. You don't have to spend a lot but it's not for one person to decide what everyone should do.

@HunterHearstHelmsley no I still buy for those who are at uni.

im not deciding what everyone should do, I’m deciding what I’m foing and saving them time and money to be fair 😂

Why do you think your idea of Christmas is the right way?
Just because other people do it differently doesn’t mean they’re doing it wrong.

No I don’t think Christmas is all about kids ffs. It’s about spending time with family, enjoying the season, pretty lights, gift giving with people you love.

@Badgirlriri but do you not see it as a complete waste of time and money when ppl buy things you don’t need or want (and they know it?)

of course I love the activities around Christmas, ice skating, the pantomime etc

Your post is really judgemental. Your SIL may be as convinced that you will like a gift as you are re the ones you give. Of course it's OK to say let's just get the kids presents. What is very unreasonable is your utter belief that you are doing it right and they are doing it wrong.

God, the fucking magic of Christmas. You’re never going to find this (ridiculous) concept in a shop.

I somehow manage to have a perfectly lovely Christmas every year without children or presents.

You post basically says ‘anyone who does or differently to me has ruined my idea about Christmas’

Do what you want. But how on earth can you believe them doing it as they want is ruining it for you, but you doing what you want is better for everyone else and right for them?

I love a January sale shop for Xmas and birthdays ahead in the year as it means I can buy better gifts than I can normally afford. But also I don't necessarily make those occasions about presents or material thing, instead focusing on spending time with them and doing fun things.

Give out of joy, if you can, not with the condition of receiving.

Your view is reasonable to me.

I love gift giving and I buy things in January or throughout the year. I only buy what I think people will like. It doesn’t mean there is no thought behind it, because it’s bought in January,

I'm not sure I really understand. You don't want people to buy things you don't need or want but at the same time, you don't like the fact that your DM gives you a list of what she wants?

The answer to getting what you want is the gift lists, but you dont seem to like that either?

Either you give no guidance and run the risk of getting a random present or a thoughtful one

Or people ask for things, then you feel its less magic but people get what you they want.

You cant have it both ways

Does everyone have children and a similar amount of children?

Dsil keeps trying to instigate just buying for the kids but theres massive discrepancies. Her five kids means she receives 5 gifts, buys only 2. We buy 7 gifts and have no kids, and the othervinlaws recieve 1, buy 6

The thing is I dont really like your attitude of "I hate "stuff" so nobody should do adult gifts". Some adults like giving and receiving gifts, wild I know.

Can't minimalists have a candle?

@howmanybicycles where is my “utter belief”? If I utterly believed I was right and they were wrong I wouldn’t be asking AIBU?

You aren’t talking about Christmas, you are talking about Winterval.

@mynameiscalypso i see where you are coming from there yes it’s seems contradictory. I guess my whole point is once in adulthood it’s all a moot point as such. I know it seems bah humbug as such but it’s all pointless in a way…once an adult.

We only do presents for kids because the planet is on fire and we prefer to give funds to homeless charities etc rather than hogging all the resources.

@gang there’s a mix of numbers of dc but the way I see it adding in presents for adult’s doesn’t equal it out in any way? And again this whole “make it equal stance” takes any “fun” out of it. Do you see what I mean? We (ppl) get so caught up the politics of it all…it makes it pointless? No?

You talk about others taking the fun and point out of it. Your tone in the post reads as superiority. You think your presents are thoughtful and theirs aren't. Maybe you do believe that others do fun differently to you and not just inferiorly but that's not how your op reads.

You dont seem to be satisfied in whatever someone else might do or what their approach is.

I class myself as minimalist and I LOVE a candle. Looks lovely, smells lovely, use and then throw it. I agree about dust collectors on shelves though. But consumables (food/drink/candles/bath stuff etc) and wonderful presents.
and yes I think yabu as to think adults don’t deserve gifts. So people who can’t have children don’t deserve a Christmas present because they are over 21? Or your grandparents don’t deserve a gift to say thank you, we appreciate you, each year? How miserable of you.

You are a minimalist who doesn't like clutter or anything on show. You must be hard to buy for. Yet your MIL and SIL did buy for you, and make sure you had your gifts ahead of Christmas.

The fact that they start shopping in January is neither here nor there. Who on earth gives a fig when other people shop.

The fact that you don't like the gifts is a shame. But I don't know how you can know that they ever liked yours either.

And your mum, possibly fed up of decades of unliked gifts, provides a list of ideas but you don't like that idea either.

If you cba buying then that's fine but it's a bit rich to blame other people.

To me, you sound superior and judgmental and I think YABU. I would not want to shop for you.

@howmanybicycles you are the one choosing to assume I think I’m superior…I don’t feel that at all.

@DuchessOfDisco i didn’t say “deserve” I said “need”…two very different words. Please don’t put words in my mouth and I treat everyone with the utmost respect and buy gifts for ppl (that they need and deserve) at other times. I guess there’s no one in the family who cannot have children so I don’t have that issue as such but I still buy for my dnephew who is 24 and is still in uni. I spoil him in fact, with things he needs.