To say I think SIL/MIL and my DM have ruined my idea of Christmas?

[Cristmasshmismas]

NC for this! It’s the whole getting gifts in the January sales, shopping throughout the year that I think took the fun/point of Christmas shopping . My SIL/MIL used to do this and then drop the gifts off in OCT incase they didn’t see us.

It drove me nuts…to me it seemed it was box ticking, getting a job done. None of the gifts were ever particularly thoughtful or had a point other than being something to wrap. It put a whole new spin on Christmas I had never experienced. I used to spend ages thinking of nice gifts that they would love/need/want and I loved watching them open them. Then I would be given something that had no meaning at all!

My DM on the other hand likes to tell me what she wants in Nov/dec which equally takes the fun out of it. And the very fact that the woman buys everything for herself as and when she sees it means there’s not a lot left to get her.

I hated it so I made the announcement 2 years ago that I would only be buying for the children in the family from now on. I don’t think adults need gifts to be honest…most of us are old enough and able enough now to be able to buy things for ourselves.

Im also a minimalist so a candle, decoration etc would be just pointless for me…I used to say this out loud all the time and
It’s obvious when you enter my house. Any ornaments I have (2 pieces!) are art. I don’t have shelf’s with “stuff” displayed. I know I sound ridiculous but it literally makes me anxious having things I don’t need or want.

I LOVE buying for my dc as that’s where the magic is for me (and all of there stuff goes in their bedroom lol!)

AIBU to say that as you get older that Christmas is not the same and we should just stick to making it magic for the dc?

Why don’t you just tell them what you would like?

I’ve never understood this whole “Christmas is all about the children” stuff. It’s about seeing the people you love and enjoying their company over a delicious meal.

Christmas is about everyone giving and receiving - and I include children in that. Once they are old enough to get pocket money, then they should be encouraged to save some and buy small presents for their family. Or they can make something.

so basically strongly disagree that Christmas is all about buying presents for children.

@TrashyPanda i suppose I don’t really want/have a need for anything 😬

Bet you’re fun at parties.

"They do it differently to me and therefore have completely ruined the idea of Christmas for me because my way is the best way".

Is basically the entire point of your post. And it's ridiculous.

It’s a weird post.
Everyone does Christmas in their own way, from nothing at all to full-on bling the moment Hallowe’en is over. What you shouldn’t do is spoil other people’s Christmas. Or sneer at their attempts to make it easier for others, even if it doesn’t work. You see it as box ticking. I have one adult child who looks for gifts for others throughout the year, and the other one starts around December 21st.
Neither of them are doing it wrong, spoiling Christmas or box ticking.
I start on December 1st and love the entire festival season.

@MrsSkylerWhite i throw great parties yes!! How did you know…I’m throwing one tonight! Cocktails on arrival and then 3 course dinner followed by music on the terrace/ games in the lounge or chit chat. I’m currently taking a break while waiting for a few things to set a bit in the freezer.

Ok well clearly I ABU but I must go now! Lots to do! Thanks for the opinions. Have a good evening/Christmas.

I think that there's way too much emphasis on Christmas being 'magical' . It's just another day where we swap gifts (or not) and eat more than we normally would.

There would be much less angst if everyone lowered their expectations about this 'magical' rubbish.

OP I'm with you but I'm having to back down slightly because of family members who do genuinely show their love by buying and giving stuff. Most people I know don't have to wait for special occasions to get the things they want or need, so we end up swapping pointless things to show we care. The thought is there but the rows upon rows of plastic packaged rubbish, in the hundreds of shops in my town, in every town/city, in every country just makes me feel awful and anxious.
I really hope that the time together and the meal become the big focus again in our family. I'd be up for the kids having fewer (not a Scrooge, say around ten presents) and better gifts but that is a whole other can of worms.

I understand what you mean about the just buying any random thing in January because it's reduced.
Someone upthread said it means they can buy a 'better' gift because it means they can get something they wouldn't be able to afford at full price.
But what makes it 'better' if it isn't something that the reciever actually wants, will use or enjoy? Are more expensive things always 'better'?

YABU. The only one ruining Christmas here is you because you’re placing too high expectations on it and want it to be done your way.

If you really cared, you wouldn't do presents for children either....

@AbreathofFrenchair

Don't be daft, it is possible to take a balanced view of these things.

Its such a great shame when people miss the sarcasm in my posts.

Doesn't make me the daft one

What a load of bollocks 😂

Christmas presents don't have to be huge or expensive. Some people don't like receiving them - fine! ...some do! Some people don't like giving them - also fine....again some do! We are all different - even in the same family. As for begrudging children a present because another family has more than you ... just give them something a little cheaper...kids just love the excitement of opening them - they aren't counting the amount you spend - it's only you.
Christmas is all about love and happiness. If it makes you happy not to buy or receive, that is not anyone's problem, it isn't 'spoiling' Christmas. just be happy seeing and eating with your family or friends...even just a hug...

@YellowTreeHouse

You don't believe in climate change or charitable giving? Because neither is 'bollocks' I assure you

Not sure why you’re being given a hard time, OP. You appear to have hit a nerve.

YANBU, it’s great you got of the cycle of the annual adult tat exchange.

Did DM/MIL/SIL react badly at the time? And have they now accepted it?

The planet is not burning. And if you even gave a tiny shit about it you wouldn’t have had kids.

@howmanybicycles you are the one choosing to assume I think I’m superior…I don’t feel that at all

Well it read like that to me and clearly not just me. I'm glad you don't feel that your way is any better because that will make it easier to talk with family about how you can best make this work for everyone.

I've known plenty of people who buy a load of old shite in January, stash it and distribute it seemingly at random come next Christmas. I agree that this is completely joyless.

Why have a child then?

@DinaofCloud9

To raise a decent human who can be part of the solution.

Probably enjoys watching the joy on people’s faces as they drink a cocktail.

My ex neighbour does this, starts her Christmas shopping in January sales, she continues it throughout the year and has it all wrapped by October. The number of Next parcels I’ve taken in for her was phenomenal.

I tried to do it once or twice..I forgot where I’d put them when it came to wrapping or I’d forgotten who was getting what. Bought a jumper for a relative…he lost five stone during the year. Didn’t fit him. So I’m back my usual thinking I’ve got loads of time and then mid November think Oh shit.