To say I think SIL/MIL and my DM have ruined my idea of Christmas?

[Cristmasshmismas]

NC for this! It’s the whole getting gifts in the January sales, shopping throughout the year that I think took the fun/point of Christmas shopping . My SIL/MIL used to do this and then drop the gifts off in OCT incase they didn’t see us.

It drove me nuts…to me it seemed it was box ticking, getting a job done. None of the gifts were ever particularly thoughtful or had a point other than being something to wrap. It put a whole new spin on Christmas I had never experienced. I used to spend ages thinking of nice gifts that they would love/need/want and I loved watching them open them. Then I would be given something that had no meaning at all!

My DM on the other hand likes to tell me what she wants in Nov/dec which equally takes the fun out of it. And the very fact that the woman buys everything for herself as and when she sees it means there’s not a lot left to get her.

I hated it so I made the announcement 2 years ago that I would only be buying for the children in the family from now on. I don’t think adults need gifts to be honest…most of us are old enough and able enough now to be able to buy things for ourselves.

Im also a minimalist so a candle, decoration etc would be just pointless for me…I used to say this out loud all the time and
It’s obvious when you enter my house. Any ornaments I have (2 pieces!) are art. I don’t have shelf’s with “stuff” displayed. I know I sound ridiculous but it literally makes me anxious having things I don’t need or want.

I LOVE buying for my dc as that’s where the magic is for me (and all of there stuff goes in their bedroom lol!)

AIBU to say that as you get older that Christmas is not the same and we should just stick to making it magic for the dc?

My mother in law died nearly 3 years ago. We are still finding Christmas and birthday gifts she brought. They are dated and have people's names on them. It's all naf but she thought of us. Sometimes when someone's gone you miss there quirks.

No. You had a child because you’re selfish and you wanted one.

Which is fine, but then when you start preaching about “the planet burning” you’re just a hypocrite.

I spend more on my dc than my dgc. I like to buy them something they would like but can’t justify buying for themselves or something I know they will love but perhaps haven’t thought about.
That makes Christmas more special for the two with dc and special for those without dc.
We all have Christmas dinner at mine although they don’t have to but they choose to.
We love a family get together and thoughtful gifts make it even better. I think the problem you’re having is that family aren’t as thoughtful as you as the gift giving is a bit meaningless so I think it’s fine to say only buy for dc.

I don't have kids or niece's
Or nephew's so I guess I should just not celebrate Christmas?

@YellowTreeHouse

What do you propose? We let humanity go extinct?

@Cristmasshmismas

this!

adults are just as important as kids

Nope. Having a child was not for the planet's benefit and you know it.

Quite!

But the things you buy for others might not actually be what they want or need.

No. I don’t have a problem with people having children. The planet is absolutely fine.

I do propose that people who are dramatic and catastrophic about the planet that is absolutely fine practice what they preach though and not be hypocrites.

That’s why OP very sensibly stooped the annual adult tat exchange 2 years.

I think some replies have been a bit harsh on OP. I think, OP, that you have an idealised idea of Christmas so you are always going to be disappointed. Believe me, I’ve been there and I now know it is better for you if you try to be more relaxed about the whole thing. Accept how other people prepare for Christmas, like buying gifts in January, and you carry on enjoying your gift buying in December. Otherwise, you are suffering needlessly.
Some years ago I went through a period where I was so sad and sorry for myself because I no longer had a husband/ boyfriend to swap presents with. I said to myself ‘Stop being such a saddo! DO something about it.’ So, I used to buy a special gift for myself a few weeks before Christmas, jewellery, luxury perfume, and I got it gift wrapped. Then I opened it on Christmas morning. Lol. But it worked!
good luck, OP.

One of my sisters was obsessed with the idea of turning up to the family Christmas gathering with sacks of presents. Inevitably it was gift packs of Baylis and Harding smellies for all the adults, and admittedly nice toys for the kids but always WAY over our agreed £20 budget. It was quite bizarre, although almost certainly driven by her diagnosed BPD.

I do agree for many it’s a box ticking exercise but I don’t think it makes it any less fun . If you want to buy your gifts in January or the day before Christmas I’m not bothered, although it does annoy me that people feel obligated to buy a gift or they have no idea what you want but refuse to stop buying gifts so will buy you something that you hate or hound you to tell you what you want . I agree adults don’t need gifts imo , I tell dh not to bother but for others they don’t want to hear of it so the cycle continues.

On the "terrace"....

YANBU for suggesting children-only presents. Me and my partner are both children of divorce, so with four sets of parents plus siblings and their partners it's already crazy expensive. With one child in the family and another on the way we've agreed that next year we will streamline presents significantly for adults and focus on the children.

YABU for thinking your approach to gift buying is superior. Perhaps your well thought out presents haven't been well received, and so family feel the need to be bit more prescriptive to avoid you wasting time/money? Being brutally honest, some of my least favourite/utilised gifts have been the ones where the gifter has said something along the lines of 'I saw this and thought it was right up your street!' before handing me something completely random or not at all to my taste.

Your family can't be arsed with it for you.

So you can't be arsed with it for them.

Fine.

Doesn't mean it's the right approach for everybody else, though. It's kind of the adult version of being 7 and telling your little sister that Santa's not real because somebody's told you and you don't see why she should still get to believe.

Tell them not to buy for you and go buy something you really like for yourself.... in fact I think this is good general procedure for adults, avoids loads of work and money ( although you could add up what you would have spent and keep to that) All th wrapping and lugging about and then receiver returning it to shop or putting in the cupboard or giving to charity. Makes sense to me, especially these days. Different for children although they can get overwhelmed and appear ungrateful or whatever reaction gift giver is expecting and doesn't get...
I think a lot of people use presents to make themselves feel better but then get disappointed but I'm a cynical old bird me...
I've even heard people say that they have to use the voucher they were gifted before it runs out but with no real joy and excitement about the prospect...

I agree that buying Xmas gifts in January is the epitome of joyless box ticking.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with buying things throughout the year to put aside as Christmas presents, as long as the gifts are bought with a particular person in mind and not just to go in some general gift cupboard. There's nothing wrong with buying for next year in this year's sales.

Everybody is different and not everyone has children to make Christmas magical for. Christmas should be magical for everyone, not just families.

So do I.

No I don’t think Christmas is all about kids ffs. It’s about spending time with family, enjoying the season, pretty lights, gift giving with people you love.

I agee, but this seems to be a rare opinion on MN. So much emphasis on "the perfect Christmas" and totally missing the point. If someone gives you a gift be grateful, if someone goes all out with the decorations then admire them, but that's not all that matters. As for those who moan about their gifts, how others have not put in as much effort as they have, how they don't like cards messing up their perfect house - don't start me! Christmas is for everyone, no matter how they celebrate, and as for this notion that if there are no kids around it isn't worth doing anything - just bog off!

well said

So anyone without kids should what, just not do Xmas? Are they still permitted the time off work if not in medicine/emergency services etc or. Should we open up the offices etc to keep them out of the way whilst all the people with children enjoy THEIR festive season?

What a terrible affliction to have family that buy you presents. Fucking animals 🤣

And no, I don’t think Christmas is just for kids. I like presents and I deserve to get them. I hate, with a fierce passion, how we (let’s face it, women) are expected to dehumanise ourselves the moment we have children. How we are expected to declare ourselves unworthy of the tiniest of treats and pleasures because heaven forbid we spend longer than a nanosecond thinking of the kidz.