To say I think SIL/MIL and my DM have ruined my idea of Christmas?

[Cristmasshmismas]

NC for this! It’s the whole getting gifts in the January sales, shopping throughout the year that I think took the fun/point of Christmas shopping . My SIL/MIL used to do this and then drop the gifts off in OCT incase they didn’t see us.

It drove me nuts…to me it seemed it was box ticking, getting a job done. None of the gifts were ever particularly thoughtful or had a point other than being something to wrap. It put a whole new spin on Christmas I had never experienced. I used to spend ages thinking of nice gifts that they would love/need/want and I loved watching them open them. Then I would be given something that had no meaning at all!

My DM on the other hand likes to tell me what she wants in Nov/dec which equally takes the fun out of it. And the very fact that the woman buys everything for herself as and when she sees it means there’s not a lot left to get her.

I hated it so I made the announcement 2 years ago that I would only be buying for the children in the family from now on. I don’t think adults need gifts to be honest…most of us are old enough and able enough now to be able to buy things for ourselves.

Im also a minimalist so a candle, decoration etc would be just pointless for me…I used to say this out loud all the time and
It’s obvious when you enter my house. Any ornaments I have (2 pieces!) are art. I don’t have shelf’s with “stuff” displayed. I know I sound ridiculous but it literally makes me anxious having things I don’t need or want.

I LOVE buying for my dc as that’s where the magic is for me (and all of there stuff goes in their bedroom lol!)

AIBU to say that as you get older that Christmas is not the same and we should just stick to making it magic for the dc?

I love my SIL and MIL but they buy me useless ornaments every year which are all in a bag in the cupboard. This year we've decided to just buy for the children in the family. I defo think that's best for us. I too really hate the thought of ppl spending money on stuff I really don't want, i appreciate the sentiment but it's completely pointless when ppl are struggling to pay bills

Ohhhh…this post is miserable. The joy of Christmas is everybody doing it the way they like it. My mum has two gifts she wants every year and my bro gets one, I get the other. Throws a paddy if she gets anything else (same things every year). Cool, sorted, bought in August. My OH’s family does little gifts, like a Christmas ornament or a coaster or something. None of us ever really want or use what we get each other but they like the surprise to open. Kids all get way too much spent on them by everyone. My aunt likes to buy stylishly flamboyant gifts that rarely have any thought behind them but they’re super-flash. Cousins’ nan starts buying in the January sales and we all get hundreds of tat gifts that we desperately don’t want from her. My dad and I buy each other something reasonably priced but somehow miss the mark with each other every single year - don’t know how we always get it so wrong. I like to go all in on the ‘perfect present that absolutely suits that person’ for everyone, but then have to somehow do that every year. My brother and I have a rule of ‘has to be both awesome yet useless’ and it causes me sleepless nights trying to think something up.

That’s the joy, right there. Everyone, doing Christmas differently. Their own way. And you can depend on it…until they’re not there any more and you can’t. I’d give anything to hear my FIL say, “Well, I hope you liked erm…what we got you…y’know…erm…Pat, what did we get them again?”

@LaughingCat - great post!

So anyone without kids should what, just not do Xmas?…Should we open up the offices etc to keep them out of the way whilst all the people with children enjoy THEIR festive season?

Yeah, that’s exactly what the OP said. Except it isn’t.

Whilst I don’t agree with everything she said, I get where she’s coming from. If I were regularly receiving 75% off Boots gift sets bought the previous January, I’d conclude that the giver’s priority was getting cheap gifts so that they could congratulate themselves on saving money and getting a chore done. Nothing to do with what I liked or wanted. I’d sooner have nothing.

I have enjoyed the OP’s comebacks. I knew that she’d get a hard time but she held her own!

If I were regularly receiving 75% off Boots gift sets bought the previous January, I’d conclude that the giver’s priority was getting cheap gifts so that they could congratulate themselves on saving money and getting a chore done

Does it never occur to you that people don't have an endless amount of money to spend on gifts? What is so wrong with buying something in a sale and putting it aside for later? I've never done it myself, but that's mainly because I can't stand thinking about Christmas until at least December, but I can understand why others do it. So many entitled people on threads like this.

I knew that this would be the first response I got from one of the sanctimonious bleeding hearts.

You do realise that the people feverishly tracking Boots’ discount dates in January for heavily reduced gift sets are not the genuinely poor, right? They are the committed money savers who want to feel smug. Genuinely poor people can’t afford to tie up money in gifts stashed around the house for eleven months.

Your argument falls down anyway, because the OP is receiving these unwanted gifts from close family members, not random people on the way to the food bank. If her mother in law and sister in law were poor, and that was why she was receiving the gifts bought for cheapness and convenience a year previously, she’d know!

I knew that this would be the first response I got from one of the sanctimonious bleeding hearts.

No, I'm actually just someone who doesn't act like an entitled diva who thinks Christmas is all about the gifts and nothing else. I couldn't care less what anyone gets me, when they got it, or how little it costs - and I've been around long enough to realise that actually, there is nothing wrong with wanting to save money, whether you are rich or poor. A lesson some of you will never learn. Anyway, I would much rather be a "sanctimonius bleeding heart" than shallow.

How do you know that the OP is ‘shallow’? You’re projecting.

Anyway, if you are so keen on saving money, irrespective of your personal wealth, you must like the OP’s suggestion of only doing gifts for children, right? It’s a win win situation. The impoverished or thrifty don’t have to spend £3.75 on a greatly reduced Boots gift set and the OP doesn’t have to pretend to like it.

I think a lot can depend on your circumstances, both socially (by this I mean family size and composition) and financially.

Last year I wouldn't have given a toss about receiving a 75% off Boots set in exhange for an expensive bottle of whiskey that I had meticulously researched. This year I am on statutory maternity pay, have all the expenses that come with having a child and both our families have got bigger with new partners, children, etc, so the cost of Christmas has grown whilst my disposable income has shrunk exponentially.

I would much rather come to a mutual agreement with certain friends and family members who would have bought me a Boots gift set (or insert any other generic Christmas gift) to not do gifts this year. That way I am freed of the costly obligation of buying them something in return - and whilst I understand that people have different approaches to gift buying, there can't be a huge amount joy in giving a half price set of Ted Baker shower gel and body mist either.

Oh, unfair shot @ipreferthecat !

OP isn't setting herself up as the xmas police - she's gone along with the way her relatives prefer to do it for years, & has now simply expressed her own preferences to them.
And all she's done here is ask for other people's notions about how they 'do xmas' & how that changes as they have their DC.

But this is AIBU, so I imagine she came prepared for a few unwarranted remarks!

It sounds like you have just said only gifts for kids because you don't like how other people choose to do Christmas. Each to their own, if they want to get stuff in the sales let them crack on. You do you, and let them do them.

I get what OP is saying. Thankfully Covid had put an end to some present buying. My cousins and aunty would all buy for me and my kids and I for them. Except the adults usually got each other wine and chocolate and the kids a £10 gift. As the kids got older, what you could get for £10 got harder so they were getting tat and I felt I was buying tat in return. There was no joy in buying or receiving, so we stopped and never recommenced.

Couldn’t agree with you more OP! Don’t listen to those trying to enforce their view of Christmas or good manners on you