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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this tight

112 replies

bernfinn89 · 02/12/2022 21:33

so been seeing bf for 2 years. he has one son 8 ive two aged 6 and 9. we dont live together. his son lives over 90 mins away. he was to pick his son up today and take him to my home for the weekend. Hes been away for work for a few days so yesterday offered to get us all a big takeaway( from my local town indain or chinese etc) this evening as a treat to save me cooking etc. fast forward to today we usually have dinner at say 4ish obviously didn't knowing we were getting a take-away this eve kids had a small snack. he was picking his little boy up at 6 so wud be 7.30 or later before he got here which was fine. yesterday he said i could ring it in when they were 20 mins away if it suited ... any way fast forward to this eve hes text saying he might just get 40 chciken nuggets out of mcdondalds for us all instead cus hes not hungry.. i said no its fine il just order us something instead meaning me and the kids.. anyway hes come in and ive seen a receipt that fell out and him little boy went into mcds and got large meals mc fluffys the lot... am i being petty or is this just tight as fuck..

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 02/12/2022 22:24

That's so nasty. There was no need for him to pretend he was going to get a takeaway in the first place. But then to tell you he wasn't hungry and he'd get you a cheapie option in McDonalds when he was actually having a big meal there? What an underhand thing to do.

Ineedsleepandcoffee · 02/12/2022 22:27

I'm not sure tight is the description I'd pick but certainly odd behaviour that certainly seems unreasonable in absence of a good explanation

ReedRite · 02/12/2022 22:27

How selfish can you be to change dinner plans because ‘I’m not hungry’, as if you’re the only person and there aren’t four other people who are hungry who you should be considering?

And that’s his face value explanation. To cap it all, that’s not even the truth, he’s lied and stuffed his face and fed up his boy and left you and yours hungry/fobbed off with a few nuggets.

He’s a selfish prick, OP.

butterfliedtwo · 02/12/2022 22:31

A selfish liar. What a charmer.

CloudyYellow · 02/12/2022 22:32

What a cocklodging Prince of a man.

SD1978 · 02/12/2022 22:38

I would be more peed off about the lying than anything else. There was a set plan for dinner, you didn't have anything prepared for your kids other than a snack because you knew they'd be eating a takeaway about 6. He calls and instead of telling the truth- and as far as I'm concerned still getting food for you and the kids, he lies about it. And offers cold chicken nuggets as an alternative. I hope you're not funding the weekend for them!

NumberTheory · 02/12/2022 23:01

It does sound as though he was trying to avoid delivering on his promise, though I think things can change. You don’t feel hungry, don’t fancy a huge take out. Chang arrangements, go into McDs and your kid asks for something bigger and suddenly it all seems appealing as you’re standing there.

I think the promising it and making you wait for it then canceling is the worst bit, personally. Like you said, your kids were waiting around anticipating it so it would be disappointing even if he hadn’t been hungry. That’s not a nice thing to do to them, or you.

I think you need to see this action in context with everything else he does. Does he often let you down? Does he often try and cut back on costs and leave you to pick up the tab. Is he happy to eat what you provide but fails to match your generosity (or whatever is reasonable if you have significantly different salaries/obligations)? Etc.

If it’s a one off incident it’s really too trivial to do more than gripe about. If it’s part of a bigger pattern it’s quite possibly a deal breaker.

2catsandhappy · 02/12/2022 23:01

@QuillBill and @SD1978 have hit the nail on the head.
I would love to know the answers.
He is a knob.

Americano75 · 02/12/2022 23:01

What a shitehawk. I had an ex who was like this, tight as a crab's arse. It's never a good sign in a partner.

DunkingMyDonuts · 02/12/2022 23:04

So what did he say when you asked him about it?

Riverlee · 02/12/2022 23:09

It would annoy me because he promised a takeaway, and then didn’t even get you a Macdonalds each.

Original poster
bernfinn89 · 02/12/2022 23:12

id specifically told him id not much in for dinner this eve as ive a big tesco delivery booked for sunday. had gone shop earlier and told him i cud get something for dinner he said no no need, and so i only bought sweets and stuff for all 3 kids to have a movie night because we havent seen his son ina few weeks.. in general he does pay his way but it hasnt been the first incident where ive taught it seemed a bit unequal regards spending on kids

OP posts:
DutchessOfMuck · 02/12/2022 23:13

Your poor kids thought they were getting a take away then he done that. I would be pissed also.

Original poster
bernfinn89 · 02/12/2022 23:15

ive just asked him about it as kids were here and didnt wanna make things awkward.. his reply was jesus ud swaer they wud have starved the way your going on..( meaning my kids ) ive told him to F off home in the morning

OP posts:
Tangled123 · 02/12/2022 23:18

I eat McDonalds way too often but even I would be disappointed with that if I was expecting a Chinese instead. That was really mean of bf to backtrack on plans just to suit himself. He should still have offered to collect the Chinese/Indian for you at least, but ask you to pay him after or even pay for takeaway next time if money is an issue.

Canthave2manycats · 02/12/2022 23:19

It doesn't really matter whether he was hungry or not - you don't disappoint young children like that when they're looking forward to a treat. If he and his son didn't want a takeaway, he should have stuck to his word and got one for you and your boys.

I'm guessing this isn't a 'one off'.

Bs0u416d · 02/12/2022 23:19

In other posts you've been together 4 years or more and he proposed?

Notimeforaname · 02/12/2022 23:19

his reply was jesus ud swaer they wud have starved the way your going on..

He wont apologise for lying. He does not respect you. He's making this about you to deflect from himself.

allboysherebutme · 02/12/2022 23:27

Greedy bastard, that would put me right off him, I hate tight people. X

EverythingWobbles · 02/12/2022 23:31

YANBU not at all!! Definitely tight, inconsiderate and selfish!! Red flags all over this imo

Mummysatthebodyshop · 02/12/2022 23:41

I got half way through and decided you were unreasonable for expecting your kids to wait until your bf got in at 7.30pm. Next time say great idea for a Saturday night when we can have it at time that works for everyone.

Don't get me wrong the man is a cocklodger but your job is to make sure your kids are fed.

Original poster
bernfinn89 · 02/12/2022 23:50

my kids were fed they had snacks during the time they waited. and when he had said nuggets i said no straight away and ordered them a proper meal myself and collected it 10 mins later. i think its dramatic to say kids cant wait till evening for a treat meal.. a meal tho which is what i expected not a few nuggets

OP posts:
Saracen · 02/12/2022 23:54

I dunno if it's tight or not. You know him best, so I expect you know whether he was motivated by money.

Whatever his reason, he changed the plan at the last minute when you and your kids had been looking forward to having a Chinese as a treat. That's very inconsiderate.

And why did he lie? He must have known you would find out as soon as his son was offered some of the reheated nuggets and the lad said, "No thanks, Dad and I already had a big meal at McDs." Unless he actually coached his kid to keep quiet about it, which is a terrible position to put a child in.

mindutopia · 03/12/2022 00:12

I really can’t see the issue. You don’t live together. You both have children to feed. Figuring out best times to feed everyone sounds challenging with a 3 hour round trip to collect his ds. Take-away is expensive and I consider it quite a special treat.

I imagine he went to feed his hungry child and realised he felt hungry too. That’s totally fine. You knew you were sorting dinner yourself that night. Just make sure he contributes to your shared expenses for the weekend, but otherwise, sounds fine for him to treat his ds. I do often and don’t include Dh or our other dc.

MoreSleepPleasee · 03/12/2022 00:18

Yanbu. If he hasn't seen his son in a few weeks and doesn't live with you why is he coming round anyway. I assume it's easier for him if your kids entertain his plus he doesn't have to get food in.