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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the 2nd of December is a bit late to announce no presents?

78 replies

crussont · 02/12/2022 19:53

I'm all for the whole let's not get each other gifts this year/do a secret santa for the kids, but AIBU that the 2nd of December is a little late to announce it and really it needs to be said start of November? Looking at you SIL.

OP posts:
Cuddlywuddlies · 02/12/2022 19:55

i think given the COL at the moment some people aren’t looking at their Christmas budget until now. I think it’s fair of her to say they won’t be giving gifts to be honest!

donttellmehesalive · 02/12/2022 19:56

Yes it's too late. Lots of people will have gone their shopping. But maybe they're struggling financially and had been hoping for things to work out. Hope you kept the receipts.

greenhousegal · 02/12/2022 19:58

Could you keep suitable gifts that you have already bought for future birthdays?

Exchange the rest for something for your own family or get a refund if possible.

Look on it as a bonus, you know where you stand re Christmas gifts going forward, just make sure it's permanent!

stuntbubbles · 02/12/2022 19:59

Some people are busy! There’s loads of time til Christmas.

WaddleAway · 02/12/2022 20:01

I’d be absolutely fine with being told now, would save me a job (and some cash!) in the next couple of weeks. Can you return any gifts you’ve already bought?

IWishItCouldBeChristmasEveryday · 02/12/2022 20:03

Wouldn't bother me if someone said this to me. I've bought all my gifts already and would still give them but not want anything in return. I enjoy giving gifts and plan very early but wouldn't want people to feel like they had to reciprocate if they couldn't afford it. My mum only ever gets me a little something as she can't afford it but that doesn't mean I'm going to get her less than other family members.

TimeForMeToF1y · 02/12/2022 20:04

It would be fine by me but everyone buys at different times so no one size fits all answer

bigbadbarry · 02/12/2022 20:06

My MIL has done this several times. No mention of secret Santa until after we have done all our shopping - we don’t buy all that early but say the second week in December or so. Then all of a sudden she’s telling us which person we have to buy for and how much to spend

poefaced · 02/12/2022 20:07

Can you return what you have bought, OP?

SleepingStandingUp · 02/12/2022 20:10

I think it's OK but probably within a day or too of the latest date. I'd say before the first weekend in Dec

Can yo u return stuff?

pavillion1 · 02/12/2022 20:12

I won't even discuss anything Christmas until dec 1st

Original poster
crussont · 02/12/2022 20:13

I guess I could return it but it would mean an extra trip. Just think that with the black Friday sales and everything they could have said sooner. Might kept it for birthdays.

OP posts:
Woopzies · 02/12/2022 20:14

Can you not gift the gift to someone else?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/12/2022 20:14

I think yanbu because I don’t like to do all my Xmas shopping in December - I like to spread it over two months!

Cuddlywuddlies · 02/12/2022 20:15

Just because they are not giving gifts doesn’t mean you have to follow suit though? If you have gifts for them then just tell her that you have them now…so you’ll be giving them 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
crussont · 02/12/2022 20:16

Cuddlywuddlies · 02/12/2022 20:15

Just because they are not giving gifts doesn’t mean you have to follow suit though? If you have gifts for them then just tell her that you have them now…so you’ll be giving them 🤷‍♀️

Could do but DH has a grump on coz it's his money I spent hahaha

OP posts:
ElegantlyTouched · 02/12/2022 20:18

Call me cynical but my thinking is that that's what they're expecting, that they'll get presents but giving nothing. I know you don't give to receive but it feels a bit calculated to me.

Thinkwicebeforeyouleavemylife · 02/12/2022 20:18

You can give a gift and not receive one. Why does it matter?

carefulcalculator · 02/12/2022 20:19

I think yabu as this year many people are skint. I would just keep the gifts for birthdays or return.

In an ideal world I guess she would have said sooner but I'd let it go.

Candlesoftime · 02/12/2022 20:20

I'd say November 30th, so that you've got in before December has started. I know some people like to start buying presents early, but i think the whole of December should be a normal enough buying season

carefulcalculator · 02/12/2022 20:20

ElegantlyTouched · 02/12/2022 20:18

Call me cynical but my thinking is that that's what they're expecting, that they'll get presents but giving nothing. I know you don't give to receive but it feels a bit calculated to me.

Think this sort of cynicism is a bit much. Not everyone is a Machiavellian mastermind!

Skyeheather · 02/12/2022 20:20

Not if the person has just realised they genuinely can't afford it.

I started my shopping mid October, most retailers were in their extended return period then so I can return most things I've bought until January. I got all my Christmas shopping done early for my own benefit but I know lots of people haven't started yet.

Cryingbutstilltrying · 02/12/2022 20:22

It’s ok, better now than after the weekend. I’m getting mine finished off tomorrow. If you can’t return easily then keep for a birthday or give to someone else.
Personally I wouldn’t give them the gifts now, in case it causes embarrassment that they don’t have anything to give back.

PollyPeePants · 02/12/2022 20:23

I don't think it's to late to agree no presents. I would be delighted! Return what you can and/ or save for birthdays Happy days!!

Thethingswedoforlove · 02/12/2022 20:27

Sounds like you are being sensible and pragmatic op. Referring to pp who say they would just give them anwyay- but if you give them the gifts they might just be super uncomfortable. Giving when you know they can’t give in return is actually a bit selfish imo. But I know that isn’t your intention op- you are just organised. It’s a difficult year and we are all adjusting so worth trying to give them some slack if you can.