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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the 2nd of December is a bit late to announce no presents?

78 replies

crussont · 02/12/2022 19:53

I'm all for the whole let's not get each other gifts this year/do a secret santa for the kids, but AIBU that the 2nd of December is a little late to announce it and really it needs to be said start of November? Looking at you SIL.

OP posts:
Hagpie · 02/12/2022 22:52

Wow congrats on all of you being super organised! I’m not moving my bum until next week for presents because I’ve only just finalised my Xmas/January figures.

Bentley123 · 02/12/2022 22:56

Just give them for birthdays. I actually think all the crazy gift giving is mad at Christmas, especially with cost of living crisis.
my first thought would be- I hope they’re ok. Of course it’s annoying but you’ll save money too not having to buy birthday gifts. I’d happily do no Christmas presents except for children of course and have an amazing meal/drinks with my family.

WaddleAway · 03/12/2022 01:42

Honestly I think it’s a bit crap that when someone asks at this point not to exchange presents, your first thought is ‘I bet they’re hoping I’ve already bought them something and they don’t want to reciprocate’ and not ‘I hope they’re ok financially in these tough times’.

FallingsHowIFeel · 03/12/2022 01:55

A lot of people don’t start shopping for Xmas til now. It’s not worth worrying about, give the gifts anyway, keep for other occasions/people in future or return for a refund.

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 03/12/2022 02:32

I don't even think about gifts until December. Just return anything you've already bought that you don't need anymore.

HelloBunny · 03/12/2022 04:01

I’ve gotten the gifts for my son’s Santa presents. And something for SIL / Mum. But I haven’t bought anything else... And I have no money! And a huge bill to pay. So, it’s not like other years where I’d come up with the goods in December.

Ponderingwindow · 03/12/2022 04:23

I’d be really annoyed by that . It’s months too late.

my shopping is done. I’d have to do the work of returns. I couldn’t just regift because I don’t typically give generic gifts like candles or chocolates. If I am close enough to you to give you a gift, I get you something selected just for you.

garlictwist · 03/12/2022 04:36

I haven't started my shopping yet so not too late for me but I can see why it would be annoying if you had.

avamiah · 03/12/2022 05:14

I’m really considering not having a tree this year to be honest .
We have always bought a real one from the the Christmas Tree 🎄 market or outdoor shop, whatever it is called but I am the one always putting it up and last year I had to travel on a bus half the way with it while my dd just laughed at me then left me to put it up and decorate it.

Its the same with the Turkey as I could just do without it as I have to go and buy it and cook it and be told “we should of gone out for dinner”.I’m actually considering going to the local pub for their Christmas Lunch as it’s really popular and just 5 minutes away.

3 weeks to go 😱

WaddleAway · 03/12/2022 07:08

Ponderingwindow · 03/12/2022 04:23

I’d be really annoyed by that . It’s months too late.

my shopping is done. I’d have to do the work of returns. I couldn’t just regift because I don’t typically give generic gifts like candles or chocolates. If I am close enough to you to give you a gift, I get you something selected just for you.

OP said it’s a generic candle so hopefully she can regift.
If I was telling people at this point that I couldnt exchange presents with them this year it would be because I had got myself into a panic re finances. I’d feel awful about it and would have really had to work up the nerve to say something. It would make it a million times worse if my family member just thought I was doing it to get a gift without reciprocating or if they were annoyed with me about it.
Times are tough for people at the moment, time to have a bit of compassion I think. It’s what Christmas is all about.

Original poster
crussont · 03/12/2022 07:45

WaddleAway · 03/12/2022 01:42

Honestly I think it’s a bit crap that when someone asks at this point not to exchange presents, your first thought is ‘I bet they’re hoping I’ve already bought them something and they don’t want to reciprocate’ and not ‘I hope they’re ok financially in these tough times’.

This is true. her insta is full of her going on nights out and fancy meals and stuff. I mean maybe this is a false representation and maybe she has realised she needs the money to eat/heat during December. I think you're right I should give her the benefit of the doubt though. Also I guess there's nothing wrong with choosing to prioritise parties etc. My head has been wobbled - thank you. I should always try to think kindly.

OP posts:
MassiveSalad22 · 03/12/2022 07:47

Cuddlywuddlies · 02/12/2022 19:55

i think given the COL at the moment some people aren’t looking at their Christmas budget until now. I think it’s fair of her to say they won’t be giving gifts to be honest!

With the COL though surely it makes sense to be organised and start early to spread the cost. Also can think of anything worse than a high street/the postal service in December 😄

Original poster
crussont · 03/12/2022 07:49

OP said it’s a generic candle so hopefully she can regift. it's not a generic candle - it was especially chosen as she loves the brand. It smells lovely and is a Christmas one. I'm going to burn it instead DH has agreed we'll just use it. We would NEVER spend that much on a candle for anyone else as its literally burning money haha it's only because she is in to this brand and candles that we got it for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
crussont · 03/12/2022 07:49

MassiveSalad22 · 03/12/2022 07:47

With the COL though surely it makes sense to be organised and start early to spread the cost. Also can think of anything worse than a high street/the postal service in December 😄

Show quote history

Yes POST EARLY everyone. The strikes are already having a massive knock on day.

OP posts:
Elmo230885 · 03/12/2022 07:54

Of course it's too late. I've done about 95% of my Christmas shopping. Both me and DH work full time and have two young children. Weekends are getting pretty booked up with Christmas events, some birthday parties, visiting family etc so if it wasn't almost done I would struggle to find time.

TimeForMeToF1y · 03/12/2022 08:03

Elmo230885 · 03/12/2022 07:54

Of course it's too late. I've done about 95% of my Christmas shopping. Both me and DH work full time and have two young children. Weekends are getting pretty booked up with Christmas events, some birthday parties, visiting family etc so if it wasn't almost done I would struggle to find time.

It's too late for you but for the millions of other people who will be shopping for the next 3 weeks probably not. It's one person not everyonre the op buys a gift for.

Elmo230885 · 03/12/2022 08:19

But surely the OP's SIL knows her reasonable well and would know if she's a planner or not. My SIL has already dropped prezzies off for the kids.
I just think it's bad form to leave it so late to say no presents.

WaddleAway · 03/12/2022 08:54

Elmo230885 · 03/12/2022 08:19

But surely the OP's SIL knows her reasonable well and would know if she's a planner or not. My SIL has already dropped prezzies off for the kids.
I just think it's bad form to leave it so late to say no presents.

Maybe it is ‘bad form’. I think slagging someone off online for not being able to afford presents this year, just because it’s not in the timeframes the OP would have liked, is ‘poor form’ too.

LikeTearsInRain · 03/12/2022 08:58

Return it on your next trip to the shops or keep for a future gift for them or someone else entirely different.

I see you have chosen to use the candle. Fine. But surely cash in your pocket is better if you say it’s quite pricey and you consider it burning money?

You could consider replacing with a tub of celebrations or similar as a simple merry Christmas gesture for SIL and her family.

stuntbubbles · 03/12/2022 09:17

Elmo230885 · 03/12/2022 08:19

But surely the OP's SIL knows her reasonable well and would know if she's a planner or not. My SIL has already dropped prezzies off for the kids.
I just think it's bad form to leave it so late to say no presents.

But why do people for whom it’s easier to wait til December, for whatever reason, have to work to the planner’s timetable? If December is usually the time you think about Christmas, it’s the time you do your shopping and start to think about who you’re shopping for – bit galling to then get “But we shopped in August!” I don’t think 2 December is late at all: it’s only just advent, it’s only just the time to think about it, traditionally.

phoenixrosehere · 03/12/2022 09:33

Unless I missed it, why not just return it? You may have bought it specifically due to the sales but that was your choice and unless you have used it or it is non-returnable, get the money back or save it for her birthday.

You choose to buy gifts at a certain time and others don’t. Many are more focused on living cost than when someone else is going to start their Christmas shopping for them.

Hobbesmanc · 03/12/2022 09:46

I had a similar conversation with friends who both are swerving presents because of increased mortgages etc. I'd already bought theirs and will still give them as we haven't been affected too badly at the moment. And the gifts are personal and I love my friends.

WaddleAway · 03/12/2022 09:51

Buying someone a gift then moaning because they can’t afford to get you one in return seems very… anti the Christmas spirit, to me.

cantley · 03/12/2022 10:10

Use the candle and enjoy it!
Personally I think the gift discussion needs to be had earlier than this.
It's been years now but we probably had it with extended family in November when we made the change to change to no adult gifts ( except our mother).
Doesn't mean that everyone was super organised and shopping in November just meant people could be clear how many gifts they were buying.

cantley · 03/12/2022 10:14

Also OP, do you think she's trying to make the change permanent or only this year?
She might be trying to stop excessive shopping this year and going forward.