To be utterly fed up of what UK workplace culture has become?

[ExpectationManagementCharm]

I'm a middle manager in a large UK firm. I am not a new manager; and I'm not young, late 30s. I am generally perceived to be at the "laid back"/supportive end of the management spectrum (but I'll fight tooth and nail for one of my team if I think they're being asked unreasonable stuff/being treated unfairly).
However, I'm tearing my hair out at being at the "crunch point" of upper level expectations to get on and deliver stuff vs. how my more junior employees expect to work these days. I'm so exhausted and getting no support from anyone. I can no longer see if it's just my workplace or the norm.

Example1: Junior staff expecting to not dial into team meetings beacuse of trivial reasons - some of which are downright unprofessional (i have my weekly run with a PT booked then- but this is within normal work office hours e.g. 2pm on a Thursday). While my HR policy states that I need to be "flexible" for personal reasons, which means I then need to follow up separately with that person each time. Result - less work for employee, HR is happy, senior management say no problem, more work for me.

Example 2: Junior staff (especially our newly graduated colleagues) expecting to be able to get out of (reasonable) work deadlines by using the word "anxiety" all the time. "I couldn't deliver a client item/I was feeling anxious" (meaning I had to pull an all nighter to get it finished to meet our deadline). I try and escalate to HR - but I need to be "understanding". Result - employee's piss poor performance slides, HR are happy, senior management say no problem (because client delivery didn't suffer), I get to work an all nighter to cover the gap.

These are multiple examples, across lots of team members over the last ~ 5 years, but it's definitely got worse over the last year or so. The concept of "my word is my oath"/reliablility seems to have completely gone out of the window.

Yet my employer's HR team just turn it back on me as a team manager to manage, leading to more work, which means I just have another thing to do.

I'm currently pursuing performance improvement plans with 2 of my team at the moment, whose hiring i was not involved in, and i'm going mad trying to fit in what HR expect (to follow the process) alongside juggling my own actual workload. I'm not just a people manager, yet HR seem to think i have free time to spend doing delicate, intensive people management activity, despite my already crushing workload.

Does anyone else recongnise this or is it time to look for a new employer?

FWIW, i love my team (in general) but the recent piss taking has really taken its toll - I feel like no one at work has my back at all.

Yet my employer's HR team just turn it back on me as a team manager to manage

Yes. Because you’re the manager and need to manage your team.

Stop expecting HR to do it.

They take the piss and you roll over and do their work for them. That's the issue. That's not HR's problem.

I think that’s just how middle-management is. It’s a struggle to balance the work/ output management side and the people management side which can take up loads of time (especially when you have people on performance or sickness absence management).

I'm not saying its all Gen Zs, but the once I've encountered (fresh out of uni) have been a fcking nightmare to manage:

1. Can't do X,Y,Z because anxiety/MH/SAD (delete as applicable
2. Expect to walk in to a senior level job, responsibility on a decent amount of money - working way up is foreign to them.
3. Do not like being told what to do, if they feel a task is beneath them, it doesnt get done

As I say not all Gen Zs, but after my experience with 3 or 4 I will not be hiring them again should the opportunity present itself.

Although I daresay here lies a lot of your problem:

"I am generally perceived to be at the "laid back"/supportive end of the management spectrum"

No ones saying be a cunt, but dont be all "im not a regular mom im a cool mom"

You'll have to let them fail - they will need to know that they won't be bailed out of they don't meet deadlines

You describe yourself as laid back and supportive…. But then are surprised and moaning that people are taking you for a mug and expecting you to be supportive over their anxiety (or faux anxiety). Sounds like your style isn’t working with this team to be honest. I no it’s harsh, but it’s just what stands out from what you’ve written.

It sounds frustrating but I think that's part of being middle management.

There's no problem for HR though is there? You pulled an all nighter so they don't need to do anything. Stop covering. Tell them why this project wasn't delivered on time.

Is there no minutes of team meetings? I'd expect them to read those if they miss the meeting.

Are there no core hours that aren't flexible?

I feel this is the difficulty with middle management - you're put under more stress because it's from above and below.

interesting responses so far - almost universally that it's my style that's set the tone here. i will try and change that. i think it's spot on.

(FWIW, no core hours , we are 100% flexible working by default. the all nighter would have impacted customers massively - i work in a senior operations role - think akin to a planned event not happening if i hadn't done it. very embarassing and public if it isn't covered. it's just expected that managers step in where illness, unreliability occurs. i would probably have ended up having a performance conversation with my own manager had i failed to step up. which is why i thought i'd have HR's backing when i tried to deal with it formally the next day.)

For example 1) I would look to move the meeting to a mutually agreed time slot.

However, I would then have a discussion with the team about not booking additional commitments over the top of their prior commitments. If this becomes a regular issue, then add a performance objective for the team to honour prior commitments.

For example 2) I’m not sure I understand why you are pulling all nighters to complete their work?

Gah, the constant 'I can't do this because of my MH/anxiety/stress'. I work with students and this bugs me. It's like a trigger word for more leniency and sympathy.

I'm not talking about people with real MH problems - I have them myself. This may make me less tolerant on this point.

I work in hr and "yes"!!! That's exactly it! They are your team to manage.

Totally get it and why I decided to go for a demotion. I had enough of it.

This is why I get frustrated when people say that workers at a lower level work as hard as managers. They don't the stress that comes with being in the middle having to please both sides and somehow got everything falling back on them to make sure the wheel keeps on turning.

This is up to you to manage, I'm afraid. If they're not delivering they need performance managing, which is part of your role. If they don't improve then exit them and replace with people who can deliver.

Have you made clear that their failure to complete the tasks meant that you you had to work longer hours to meet their deadline, and that this reflects poorly on them and will jeopardise their career development. At present it sounds like there's no consequence for them of their actions, so why would they change.

I would agree though, some of the workforce's new intake lack resilience and don't seem to hold enough weigh against doing what is expected of you to your best ability. But part of being responsible for them is helping them to master the skills necessary to succeed.

This with bells on. I'm early 30s so only about 5/6 years older than some of these people but oh my god. The laziness, the entitlement.

I don't think YABU OP but if your work policy is 'fully flexible' whatever that means (surely people have to be available in some core hours??) I don't think you can be annoyed at someone for not being available in office hours if they're making their hours up.

Play them at their own game and go on the sick due to stress of having to pick up their slack. Then when you're gone it will all go to shit without you and when you return they will be the ones pussy footing around you so they don't lose you again 😅 probably terrible advice to be fair.

What do you say when someone says they can't attend a meeting as they are going on a run???

Middle management is shit. I recognise the insane workload involved in performance management with the complete lack of support from HR when it comes to the crunch. I was supposed to have weekly performance review meetings, measure performance against something like 12 objectives, write up the minutes of meetings discussing all of the above and then follow up any actions /put in place any necessary extra support and it took the best part of a day out of my working week.

Agree that you can't be nice or mates any more, it's not worth the hassle. Although the fully flex policy makes it very difficult to be a manager.

If they can't attend a meeting, tell them it's mandatory. If they choose not to attend, it'll be treated as them being awol. Does your workplace have core hours? How flexible are you expected to be?

If they have poor mental health, get HR and OH involved and go through the proper formal process to give them all the support they need. They can't tell you they couldn't do it after the fact. They need to be transparent at the time.

To some extent this is how middle management is. If you're not getting the support of those above though you should keep your options open, and have a look at what other jobs are out there.,

I’m a bit aghast at this. If someone who reported to me gave me that reason for not attending a meeting during work hours, I’d be having some strong words with them

If you want results as a manager, you need to act tough.

Give them an inch and they take a mile. They really do

Are you logging all this. Are you letting the team know - individually, in writing - each time they don't perform to the required standard.
Remind them that you will bring this up at appraisal time.

Meanwhile, what does your boss say when you discuss this.

What do you say when someone says they can't attend a meeting as they are going on a run???

Exactly.

You're being a carpet OP.

Don't use your age as an excuse