To be utterly fed up of what UK workplace culture has become?

[ExpectationManagementCharm]

I'm a middle manager in a large UK firm. I am not a new manager; and I'm not young, late 30s. I am generally perceived to be at the "laid back"/supportive end of the management spectrum (but I'll fight tooth and nail for one of my team if I think they're being asked unreasonable stuff/being treated unfairly).
However, I'm tearing my hair out at being at the "crunch point" of upper level expectations to get on and deliver stuff vs. how my more junior employees expect to work these days. I'm so exhausted and getting no support from anyone. I can no longer see if it's just my workplace or the norm.

Example1: Junior staff expecting to not dial into team meetings beacuse of trivial reasons - some of which are downright unprofessional (i have my weekly run with a PT booked then- but this is within normal work office hours e.g. 2pm on a Thursday). While my HR policy states that I need to be "flexible" for personal reasons, which means I then need to follow up separately with that person each time. Result - less work for employee, HR is happy, senior management say no problem, more work for me.

Example 2: Junior staff (especially our newly graduated colleagues) expecting to be able to get out of (reasonable) work deadlines by using the word "anxiety" all the time. "I couldn't deliver a client item/I was feeling anxious" (meaning I had to pull an all nighter to get it finished to meet our deadline). I try and escalate to HR - but I need to be "understanding". Result - employee's piss poor performance slides, HR are happy, senior management say no problem (because client delivery didn't suffer), I get to work an all nighter to cover the gap.

These are multiple examples, across lots of team members over the last ~ 5 years, but it's definitely got worse over the last year or so. The concept of "my word is my oath"/reliablility seems to have completely gone out of the window.

Yet my employer's HR team just turn it back on me as a team manager to manage, leading to more work, which means I just have another thing to do.

I'm currently pursuing performance improvement plans with 2 of my team at the moment, whose hiring i was not involved in, and i'm going mad trying to fit in what HR expect (to follow the process) alongside juggling my own actual workload. I'm not just a people manager, yet HR seem to think i have free time to spend doing delicate, intensive people management activity, despite my already crushing workload.

Does anyone else recongnise this or is it time to look for a new employer?

FWIW, i love my team (in general) but the recent piss taking has really taken its toll - I feel like no one at work has my back at all.

This with bells on. Stop saving their arses, or you'll be stuck with them forever, and theyll continue taking the piss.

You're their manager not their mate.

As tough as it sounds I think you need to start letting some things fail. Upper management are never going to care if the problem always gets sorted by you so never affects them.

How often do you check up on your team and how much notice do they give you that they'll be missing the deadline? If you ask on Monday "will you have x ready by friday" and they say yes, then on Thursday evening say "I won't make the deadline tomorrow because of my anxiety" then perhaps you need to start checking in on them Tuesday and Wednesday "how much of x have you done? You should be nearly finished by today, and then can just check it on thursday."

It might help with the anxiety if they know they aren't just being left to it, and also means it's less of a handy excuse....if they suddenly get anxious on Thursday there's no reason why they shouldn't have at least done 90% of the work. At the very least you'll have a bit more of a heads up if you'll have to step in last minute. It will also help to see if it is anxiety or just laziness!

Obviously I would personally hate such a level of micromanaging but if they need it reframe it as a way to help them.

HR shouldn't be accepting anxiety as an excuse not to do anything they don't want to do, but as a stepping stone to put in place ways of coping with it. So if you call them into a meeting about missing deadlines don't do it as a disciplinary but as a help thing. "You keep missing deadlines due to anxiety so I want to know what would help you to limit it."
Frame it as "obviously you can't just not have any deadlines" as that's not even an option but ask them to take the lead in what's better for them -being micromanaged/having one big project on the go/lots of small ones/daily or weekly targets etc.
They might get better and if not at least you can show hr you've tried everything to find some reasonable adjustments!

Are you friendly with other managers the same level as you? Can you ask them how they deal with it? Unfortunately it might mean you have to be a little bit less nice - having a pt session when you have a meeting scheduled isn't on!

I could have written this OP.

I've just had a situation where a junior team member (one level down from me so not that junior):

• Had a poor review (not led by me) leading to crying, requests for more support from me etc
• Then went off sick with a cold for a fortnight
• Then came back for a day, realised they couldn't cope and requested a "mental health break" for a week (which was granted)
• Came back from that apparently reinvigorated and proceeded to book the next week off as annual leave. Leaving me leading a project which she was supposed to lead on top of the vast amounts of work she'd already left me holding the baby on.

On the day she was back in work after the cold she interrupted me in my work on four separate occasions to discuss her anxiety levels and ask her if I could relieve her of some workload. No I couldn't really, because I'd already taken on all of her workload from her fortnight off.

On the one hand I'm glad that the stigma around talking about mental health has lifted somewhat. It is good that people are able to talk openly about this at work and it's good that managers have to take this seriously. And its also good for employees to know their worth and to push back against unreasonable expectations. But we have got to a situation where "anxiety" is a get-out-of-jail-free card for millennials to avoid doing the work they are set, while us hardened old Gen Xers are expected to pick up all the slack. I'm also heartily sick of it.

I work for a fairly small company and if one person on a team is off for weeks on end there's a direct impact on other people's workload. If someone's anxiety is sufficiently bad that they can't cope with day to day life then they really are in the wrong job.

You need to set them some boundaries. Spell out what "personal" reasons means in terms of acceptability to miss core hours meetings.

Set clearer core hours and make it clear that flexibility is outside of those, I dunno, 10-2, times. And schedule your meetings within that time.

Tell everyone the same thing. And manage their performance and their behaviour. If you need to pitch flexibility against performance, do it - if you're not at (target) you don't get the flexibility.

Grads and rookies aren't all born with an inate knowledge of etiquette. Some need a boundary. And a consequence.

Christ.

Do you have 1-2-1s, periodic reviews, objectives etc outside of specific work items or projects? I think that is the space to set expectations and address shortfalls, so I don’t blame you for the all nighters. I would also have done the same to make sure a client wasn’t affected.

Put a lot of it back to them - ask them to identify what they think is expected of them, what they think should be reasonable measures of their performance and what they should be able to achieve.

If (a) their intentions for how they carry out their role doesn’t match yours or (b) they keep failing to meet what they’ve set out they will, then you need to start letting people go.

I would say this is quite typical of the snowflake generation ! Unfortunately !

Examples 1 - Why is someone booking a PT session in the middle of the working day and why are you ok with this?
id say you need to be firmer

Were you the one who hired the lazy sods?

I'd try to get rid of them or pawn them off to another department.

I inherited a bad team one time who had to be spoon fed everything. I managed them all out over time.

Hire older workers.

Are you friendly with other managers the same level as you? Can you ask them how they deal with it?
It used to be standard practise that people who missed meetings were "volunteered", in their absence, for the shit jobs. That's why everybody turns up for meetings, despite hating them.

I would have thought if you’re too anxious to do your job, you go and get signed off while you seek appropriate treatment, and OH might suggest some adjustments which might be made subject to the needs of the business.
At a certain point existing on SSP is more anxiety inducing than doing your job so you just grit your teeth and get on with it.
You don’t pocket your salary and not do the work, surely?

YABU with your first example, if you have a flexible work policy then it’s your issue for arranging meetings when members of your team cannot attend.

Are you saying it’s unreasonable for them to attend an appt in core hours? Or that they only told you last minute? Or they didn’t put it on their calendar?

it’s just the case that sometimes it is hard to schedule dentist, doctor, physio, midwife appts outside office hours - because that is when most people work (including drs, physios, midwives, dentists).

I inherited a bad team one time who had to be spoon fed everything. I managed them all out over time.

I'd be looking to do this in your place. Regardless of the age of the employees tbf.

Going to a PT session is not a valid reason to miss a meeting in my opinion - I get no core hours but that's a bit of a p*ss take. get them to move the session or agree a time that all your team can attend.

mental health is a big thing now but that doesn't mean you do their job for them. They need support in meeting deadlines and realising that in life deadlines need to be met. Can someone mentor them for instance in working out what aspects of the job caused anxiety? Do they need employee assistance for their mental health such as counselling?

Just my thoughts

@Thepeopleversuswork But we have got to a situation where "anxiety" is a get-out-of-jail-free card for millennials to avoid doing the work they are set, while us hardened old Gen Xers are expected to pick up all the slack.

Millennials are in their 30s and 40s! This isn't us, this is gen Z. We're alongside Gen X tearing our hair out about it.

Managing is tough. Especially middle managing staff who are new to the workplace.

Reading your post, the most obvious thing is that you need to get tougher with your team. Booking a PT session is really extraordinary as an excuse - not to say someone new might not try it on, but I’d bollock them from a height if they did.

Anxiety has become a huge issue from all sorts of angles, but you have to be clear that it’s part of their job to manage anxiety, with support from OH if your employer has that (they should). Missing a deadline - especially with no time for someone else to pick up the work, should he a written warning situation.

I’d expect HR to support in terms of written warnings and processes around that, but they can’t do the actual managing for you.

None of this is easy, especially when you have to make some tweaks to your style. If HR will provide or you can afford a few sessions I would really recommend a work coach, it’ll make it so much easier.

@KimmySchmitt

Sorry, you're right.. my age is showing. Even the millennials seem young to me!

I agree with much that has already been said. The only thing I would add is that anxiety is a diagnosable condition and not something they can just make up. I would be asking for medical confirmation of disease and making them use sick leave. I would also refer to occupational health to review capability for role. It is the same as a physical disease and people cannot just decide that they have anxiety or mh issues themselves. Make them follow the formal track. It is shit though op I agree and I am starting to hate my middle management role as I am having to be very tough on people who probably can't take the pressure but I’m not friend or mother so I just do it and accept that work is a lonely place.

Is this where you go to your manager and say that you're unable to get the work done because the team is unreliable and it's making you anxious. What solutions does he have in mind?

I'm a bit bemused about the young ones and their anxiety stopping them. Because as i understand it, there absolutely should be accommodations made for mental health, but those accommodations shouldn't be you working 24/7. So if someone's anxiety is a problem then you need to work with HR to agree how this person will be supported and what they are going to do to help. Eg, if deadlines make them anxious, do you agree that in future work will be done in smaller chunks over al longer period. It shouldn't be that it just doesn't get done.

If they have a PT session so can't attend a meeting what are THEY planning to do to accommodate the work that is required?

Flexibility doesn't mean simply rolling over and doing things for other people .

@Frosty1000 - if you think about it from the physio, dentist, gp point of view- when do you expect them to see patients? During non core hours? You could end up with everyone wanting an appt 6-8pm or sat. Which is not realistic on the nhs and for private I’m guessing might command a premium.

I think at the crux of this lies very poor management at the very top. They either have your back or they don’t op. To my mind, it’s not worth battling on if they don’t!

I started a thread on a similar topic! I can’t speak for everyone & everywhere but in my workplace British 20ish year olds are the least hard working of all our employees (including 20 yr olds from overseas who are very hard working). To me it’s the difference between flexibility that is give and take and entitlement to view work as a low priority. Ironically these same people are the ones who claim to be highly career orientated…… frankly those of us working part time as mums (& the odd dad) do twice as much work as the so called full timers.

Yep for once we millennials get to join in moaning about some other snowflakes for a change!

The anxiety sounds like a skills gap and young people 20-24 lost 2 years of development to Covid

have you tried to maybe help develop their skills and have that 1-1 about how to build their skills up so they feel more confident to do some of the tasks? Any training they could go on?

Agree there is a huge problem with recebt graduates who had online training st work during covid and think its normal to wander off during working hours. But they must be trained up by managers. Have you tried saying eg “What on earth do you think you’re doing arranging a personal trainer session during working hours, that is completely unprofessional, unacceptable and a potential disciplinary issue, cancel those sessions immediately and I expect you to be available for work during working hours.”