Work Xmas meal and CoL crisis - AIBU

[frugalnecessity]

I started a new job a few months ago at a LA. My team consists of 7 others but we work independently and only see each other once a month at team office days. My manager has organised a Xmas lunch at a pub during the working day but, as we work for a LA, we have to pay for it (fair enough).

My problem with this is that, as it is in the working day, it is compulsory to go. It's not in the evening where you could make an excuse about already being busy etc.

At the moment, the CoL crisis is hitting me hard and I am having to cut back on a number of things and live extremely frugally. I don't even go out for meals with friends anymore unless it's their birthday so I am loathe to spend money I don't have on a meal with people who aren't even my friends. Admittedly the place chosen for the work meal isn't expensive but even if it is £10-£20 that is £10-20 I could save or use on a meal with people I actually know and like.

AIBU to think this meal should be optional if we are paying for ourselves?

If I don't go, my options are:

• be sick on the day - but this will mean losing a day's pay
• come down with covid but still be able to WFH
• be honest with my manager about my finances but this could be seen as being not committed enough and I don't really want her to know my personal business

If I'm honest I've never understood the hoo ha around work Xmas parties. It seems like a cardinal sin if you don't go and I just don't get it!

And if its truly compulsory. They should be paying for everyone's meal.

Our LA are doing theres on a Saturday and everyone has to pay themselves but obviously can't be made to go.

I'd be too embarrassed to say why so I'd just say I think I've got covid or whatever.

Oh gosh sorry I'm wrong I just checked the date my friend said they are doing it and it's next Wednesday!! So I guess they are expected to turn up. How strange.

I had a similar situation a few weeks back.

Private company, dinner invite through our office calendar. I worked late on the assumption it was paid for, then boss says before we leave that their cash machine in the restaurant is broken so we'll need to bring our own cash to pay.

As I'm menopausal my mouth often speaks before my brain engages , and I found myself saying "Oh I think I'll skip it then" . Boss offers to pay for me by putting expenses through but I suspect she was going to pay for it herself. It was utterly humiliating, the difference is I could afford it but have my money earmarked for different things. Thankfully the card machine was working and she was able to expense it.

In your circumstances I think you should email and explain it. Say you're happy not to go, but you just can't afford it.

Ours is during the working day but there has been no pressure on people to go.
As a team manager I am trying to strike a balance between those who don't want to and those who are really looking forward to it. It's not compulsory but of course we would love people to go.

We have to pay for our own (LA) but I always subsidise it as my Xmas present to the team

Yeah just be honest. You don't need to lay out your whole financial situation, just say sorry, it's not in your budget. Don't really see how that would be construed as being uncommitted.

I'd be honest with your manager, imagine turning it and having something cheap whilst your colleagues are having three courses and then some wag announcing "let's just split the bill equally" it's happened to me a couple of times, I don't drink as I have to drive and then they wanted to split the bill and I ended up paying for a share of everyone's alcohol.
I've since wised up and am very vocal about not splitting bills.

To be fair on the employers, it does sound as if they have chosen a cheap and/or fixed price venue. As it's lunchtime I doubt people will be drinking loads as they will need to go back to work.

For some people it could be their only social Christmas outing and they look forward to it, work could equally be criticised if they didn't organise anything.

Doesn't mean OP should be forced to go and pay though.

I work in an LA. It won't be compulsory- they've checked your diary only to see that everyone is available. Some people in the team will be looking forward to it. Others would complain if the team leader hadn't organised a Christmas lunch. Or if it had been in non working time. The only treat were allowed is an extra hour for lunch!
Either decline now ( someone always does) or have a contagious lurgy on the day that you don't want to pass on to the team before Christmas. Work online but opt out of lunch.
Your poor manager - no good dead goes unpunished

YANBU - anything mandatory should be paid for.

Anything you have to pay for, should be entirely (and comfortably) optional.

I would say "sorry, I am out for dinner tonight so wont be eating anything at the meal. I can come along for the company if that suits?"

Then I would have absolutely nothing so i cant be included when bill is split. It is awkward, but for me better than the truth or wasting money I could use better elsewhere.

Similar situation at work, but I just told my manager I can't afford it and my Christmas present to the team is that I'm gonna keep the phones open that afternoon while they have thier Christmas meal.
Everyone's happy.

Frugal. How much? £20?

I haven't been able to afford, or simply haven't wanted to go to, the work Christmas do on several occasions. I don't enjoy enforced and organised 'fun ' and there was very little on the menu that I would enjoy eating (Mexican place was chosen and I don't like beans, chilli or avocado...) plus my then boss was all for everyone carrying on for a boozy afternoon/evening afterwards and I don't really drink. What was really unfair is that she said that anyone who did not attend had to work right up to the end of the day when everyone else was out of the office at 1pm. I still didn't go.

If I don't go, my options are:

be sick on the day - but this will mean losing a day's pay

the fact you list this as an option would indicate money doesn’t lie at the root of your hesitation to attend

I would read this as making sure everyone was available but not that it was compulsory to go.

Funded by taxpayers?

I'm a civil servant and we don't even get a cup if tea and biscuit at compulsory all day training events due to budget restraints.

I work for an LA, we have always done Xmas lunch and paid ourselves. It has NEVER been compulsory so YABU. Grow a backbone and just say no.

Also - being sick won’t lose you a day’s pay given you get full pay sick at an LA so you’re talking nonsense.

From day Q1

or day 3?

Get paid from day 1.

Across every single position and LA in the country? Without exception?

Are you me? Very similar situation here. Made even worse by the fact we all agreed where to go and when, with the assurance that work would pay (the one bonus we get each year). They’ve since changed their mind and so I’m now faced with a minimum £35 bill before drinks. We have £500 for the whole of December. It’s not right.

I think just be honest and say you aren't got spare money to attend it. People should consider these things when they make arrangements.