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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work Xmas meal and CoL crisis - AIBU

127 replies

frugalnecessity · 01/12/2022 17:52

I started a new job a few months ago at a LA. My team consists of 7 others but we work independently and only see each other once a month at team office days. My manager has organised a Xmas lunch at a pub during the working day but, as we work for a LA, we have to pay for it (fair enough).

My problem with this is that, as it is in the working day, it is compulsory to go. It's not in the evening where you could make an excuse about already being busy etc.

At the moment, the CoL crisis is hitting me hard and I am having to cut back on a number of things and live extremely frugally. I don't even go out for meals with friends anymore unless it's their birthday so I am loathe to spend money I don't have on a meal with people who aren't even my friends. Admittedly the place chosen for the work meal isn't expensive but even if it is £10-£20 that is £10-20 I could save or use on a meal with people I actually know and like.

AIBU to think this meal should be optional if we are paying for ourselves?

If I don't go, my options are:

  • be sick on the day - but this will mean losing a day's pay
  • come down with covid but still be able to WFH
  • be honest with my manager about my finances but this could be seen as being not committed enough and I don't really want her to know my personal business

If I'm honest I've never understood the hoo ha around work Xmas parties. It seems like a cardinal sin if you don't go and I just don't get it!

OP posts:
Original poster
frugalnecessity · 02/12/2022 00:47

@SleepingStandingUp it hasn't explicitly been said that it's compulsory but it's during work hours and our diaries were checked to ensure it was on a date and at at time when we were all free...

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 02/12/2022 00:53

frugalnecessity · 02/12/2022 00:47

@SleepingStandingUp it hasn't explicitly been said that it's compulsory but it's during work hours and our diaries were checked to ensure it was on a date and at at time when we were all free...

Then I'd be direct and tell the boss yo u can't afford it, and if she puts pressure on you speak to HR

Original poster
frugalnecessity · 02/12/2022 00:57

@SleepingStandingUp thank you, I'm hoping it won't get to the point of HR! It's only a meal, I can't understand why organisations make such a big deal out of it

OP posts:
Christmasnero · 02/12/2022 01:03

I’d pretend I had covid
you could tell your manager the truth it may be good for them to know you need more money but if someone I managed told me they couldn’t afford the meal, I’d definitely feel obligated to pay for them. That’s absolutely fine if you don’t mind that, but if I were you I know I’d be panicked about that awkward situation and so that’s why I’d say I had covid.

please ignore the advice from pp to go to HR because your manager has arranged a team Christmas meal, they’ll think you’re difficult at best, and insane at worst

Original poster
frugalnecessity · 02/12/2022 01:13

@Christmasnero omg I would be so embarrassed if someone paid for me. I would HATE that!

OP posts:
Vegay · 02/12/2022 01:20

No. It is not compulsory to go to a pub for a meal in your working day. There are many reasons why it would be classed as not being compulsory, both ethical and religious. I'd just be saying to my boss that I'm happy to stay in the office. An employer can not make you go to the pub to celebrate Christmas. Fact!

Vegay · 02/12/2022 01:29

Also failed to say personal reasons.

VivX · 02/12/2022 01:33

frugalnecessity · 02/12/2022 00:57

@SleepingStandingUp thank you, I'm hoping it won't get to the point of HR! It's only a meal, I can't understand why organisations make such a big deal out of it

The manager will have checked diaries so as not to exclude anyone - as that wouldn't be fair. If a "common" free day isn't possible, voting on a day is also quite common, as is the annual debate about who will actually organise it, which you have been spared because your manager has done it.

It won't be compulsory. People often skip them and don't give a reason at all.

Absolutely no reason to speak to HR about it.

Vegay · 02/12/2022 01:35

Imagine a Jehovah's Witness being told they have to go for the Christmas lunch because it is compulsory. Imagine the vegan that doesn't want to eat with people eating meat being told they have to go to the pub. Imagine the person, who for personal reasons, can't/doesn't want to go to the pub. All 3 examples would be a sure way to bring down a companie's reputation, and to have legal action taken if disciplinary actions followed.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 02/12/2022 02:22

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 01/12/2022 18:03

Missing the point, but if you're employed by an LA and are off sick, you don't lose a day's pay, you get full pay sick leave. Unless you're an agency temp.

However, returning to the point, I think you should tell your manager the truth. If you phone in sick, that's a day of sick leave wasted that might come back to haunt you if you catch flu/Covid/something else later in the year.

That's not always the case. I have a friend who works for an LA where they won't pay you for the first three days of sickness. I work for an LA where we were balloted on cost-cutting measures and that was one of the options. We voted against it and instead opted for 3 days loss of pay for all staff.

emptythelitterbox · 02/12/2022 02:48

If I was the manager who organised it, I'd pick up the tab.

A bit cheeky to organise a Xmas lunch at work that you have to pay for yourself.

I doubt you're the only one who can't really afford it.

GLADragss · 02/12/2022 03:06

It it organised during your lunch break? If so, they have no right to dictate where you go during your unpaid break. Just say you want to stay in the office or something, you’re waiting on an important call, you’re only taking 30 minutes and might catch up on work etc. I’ve never had an occasion where I’ve been forced to spend lunch with my office by management

Toddlerteaplease · 02/12/2022 03:23

Just say that you can't afford it. It's nothing to be ashamed of. And other people may be in the same position.

onlythreenow · 02/12/2022 04:45

How can a lunch be compulsory, whether it's in working hours or not? I have never heard of such a thing.

onlythreenow · 02/12/2022 04:47

it hasn't explicitly been said that it's compulsory but it's during work hours and our diaries were checked to ensure it was on a date and at at time when we were all free...

Surely that is only to make sure that everyone can attend - if they want to?

Nikii83 · 02/12/2022 05:07

emptythelitterbox · 02/12/2022 02:48

If I was the manager who organised it, I'd pick up the tab.

A bit cheeky to organise a Xmas lunch at work that you have to pay for yourself.

I doubt you're the only one who can't really afford it.

When you work for local authority it would never be a paid for Xmas do. Could you imagine a section on your council tax bill which said where your money goes and a cost on there for a staff Xmas social event.

op our authority it is always optional. Most years we all just bring a plate and make our own little buffet. I’m sure if you say your happy to work and cover the phones there won’t be an issue x

torquewench · 02/12/2022 05:12

It isn't compulsory to go if you're the one paying for your meal. Just tell them you dont want to go. No need to give a reason, it's your business.

Someone asked me why I'm not going to our team lunch today (not LA but I'd have to pay). I said its because I don't like anything on the menu. No one cares.

Dailymash · 02/12/2022 05:41

Having been in a similar situation pre COL crisis, the person who organised it and checked diaries was well paid and had no other social life and therefore never even considered that others might not want to go. Another person made his excuses and didn’t go, it was fine, nobody was offended or upset. Just be honest! Personally I’m not keen on meals out with work as they take ages and nobody has anything interesting to talk about, given that we all spend the majority of the working week together.

WiddlinDiddlin · 02/12/2022 05:41

I think I'd speak to manager, explain I can't afford it, but I would go and eat before/after and just have a cheap drink - if anyone asks, tell them you're on a special diet at the moment.

When you work remotely and don't see people all that often, going to a social thing like this can be important and valuable.

You may well find others aren't planning on stuffing themselves silly either so don't discount it out of hand, and do communicate with people!

PatchworkElmer · 02/12/2022 05:52

My work (private sector, btw) expect us to pay too. It’s £35.

Much easier for me as it’s in the evening, so I’ve just sent a ‘thanks for organising but I can’t make it’ response to the organiser. I will almost certainly be asked why though and I will be honest- that’s £35 I would rather spend on DC at this time of year- in past years I could afford to do both, but this year I can’t.

MajorCarolDanvers · 02/12/2022 05:55

Be honest and escalate to HR if that doesn't work

PatchworkElmer · 02/12/2022 05:55

@TooExtraImmatureCheddar DH works for an LA and for the first 6 month probation period, there’s no sick pay. So it could be something like that? I’d imagine that every LA is different though.

Tangerineartichoke · 02/12/2022 05:56

Wow. My boss takes us all out and pays for everything a good manager looks after their team. I am sure this was organised as a bit of fun. But £20 towards a meal is a lot of money for some people. A few years ago I put a stop to the secret santa at work when I realised that one of the women was struggling and going to the food bank. She had felt a pressure to take part in the "fun" and I think she believed she could afford it when she took part. But she came to me in tears saying she just could not afford to buy a gift. She had spent weeks worrying about it. I now tell anyone that suggests a secret santa that it was cancelled because people were sending insulting gifts. I am much more aware of this sort of thing now this now and I am very aware of my teams situations and who is struggling. You will not be the only one worrying OP. Please have a word with your manager.

soesdy · 02/12/2022 06:13

We had one of these just last week. Manager decided we were all to go out for lunch on this date to this place. The meals would be paid for, but we were expected to contribute something back.
(I'd just had a week off and no one told me about it until the day before)

On the day, most people got out their cash and started handing £10s and £20s into the contribution pot. I had a fiver as it was all I could afford. I always take homemade lunch to save money. My contribution was the smallest and I felt really embarrassed putting it in in front of everyone.

At the lunch I made sure I ordered the cheapest food. I didn't enjoy it and the whole thing was uncomfortable for me.

SuspiciousHedgehog · 02/12/2022 06:15

Tell your manager is by far the easiest Request to work from home as you would be a bit embarrassed explaining to your colleagues if they were all leaving you in the office.
Make the effort next year. You will know everone better then.

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