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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work Xmas meal and CoL crisis - AIBU

127 replies

frugalnecessity · 01/12/2022 17:52

I started a new job a few months ago at a LA. My team consists of 7 others but we work independently and only see each other once a month at team office days. My manager has organised a Xmas lunch at a pub during the working day but, as we work for a LA, we have to pay for it (fair enough).

My problem with this is that, as it is in the working day, it is compulsory to go. It's not in the evening where you could make an excuse about already being busy etc.

At the moment, the CoL crisis is hitting me hard and I am having to cut back on a number of things and live extremely frugally. I don't even go out for meals with friends anymore unless it's their birthday so I am loathe to spend money I don't have on a meal with people who aren't even my friends. Admittedly the place chosen for the work meal isn't expensive but even if it is £10-£20 that is £10-20 I could save or use on a meal with people I actually know and like.

AIBU to think this meal should be optional if we are paying for ourselves?

If I don't go, my options are:

  • be sick on the day - but this will mean losing a day's pay
  • come down with covid but still be able to WFH
  • be honest with my manager about my finances but this could be seen as being not committed enough and I don't really want her to know my personal business

If I'm honest I've never understood the hoo ha around work Xmas parties. It seems like a cardinal sin if you don't go and I just don't get it!

OP posts:
lap90 · 02/12/2022 06:15

You obvs cant be forced to go? Sometimes we have these work lunches and some people sty behind as they have work to finish off.

I wouldn't come up with a sickness excuse.

Be honest, although, as someone said, don't be surprised if someone offers to pay for you.

Although, regardless off the above, as you said, you don't care for these work do's anyway. How 'new' are you?

Twiglets1 · 02/12/2022 06:17

Don't feel bad about it OP. I work as a TA in a school and we're going to the pub when school finishes at lunchtime on the last day of term. Some people have said they can't come because they can't afford it this year - no one is judging them! It's not compulsory if your employer isn't paying for it.

TinkyWinkyRainbowHead · 02/12/2022 06:21

Just say ‘sorry I can’t go’. My team is having an away day followed by Christmas lunch in a couple of weeks. As I’m joining the away day virtually, I’m not going to the Christmas lunch so will just finish early for the day.

RoachPussy · 02/12/2022 06:34

Tell them you’re a Jehovah’s Witness

SuspiciousHedgehog · 02/12/2022 06:37

Don't tell them you're a JW unless you want to keep the act up the whole time you are there 🤣

daisychain01 · 02/12/2022 06:41

PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 01/12/2022 18:01

The worry as well with a group meal in a situation like this is that even if you set yourself a strict budget, there's the possibility that other people pile in and someone suggests splitting it equally.

Just because others pile in and want to split the bill, doesn't mean you have to agree. I've never gone for splitting the bill on any Christmas meal where I've had to pay for mine. Nor have I done those whips where everyone pays to drink themselves stupid. Just say no thanks - it doesn't need to become a big thing.

ememem84 · 02/12/2022 06:46

I get it.

would you still go if work were paying?

bevause I think I would.

MountainChalet · 02/12/2022 06:47

If you can't afford don't go and be honest go your boss. There are always CF's who will indulge themselves with the most expensive things and then want to split the bill.

daisychain01 · 02/12/2022 06:47

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 01/12/2022 18:03

Missing the point, but if you're employed by an LA and are off sick, you don't lose a day's pay, you get full pay sick leave. Unless you're an agency temp.

However, returning to the point, I think you should tell your manager the truth. If you phone in sick, that's a day of sick leave wasted that might come back to haunt you if you catch flu/Covid/something else later in the year.

....indeed, and if the OP is being paid by an agency even less reason to care about having to comply. Everyone will have forgotten about it by 2 January!

No way this meal is compulsory ie a sackable offence for not attending and not attending it should not have to require the OP disclosing their financial situation.

WindyKnickers · 02/12/2022 06:58

They really shouldn't be making a social occasion compulsory. I have a colleague who is great at his job but has severe social anxiety and wouldn't be able to do something like this.

Savoury · 02/12/2022 07:00

Offer to man the phones/sit at reception or whatever the boring part of the job is - all because the team has been together longer and “deserve” this day.

You’ll be seen as a hero!

PoppyJo10 · 02/12/2022 07:14

I would be open about the reason that you are not going. I have been in the same situation in the past and when I said that I couldn’t afford to go another colleague said she was in the same position. The following year we had a buffet where we all brought food in.

FruitBadger · 02/12/2022 07:17

I work for a LA. Christmas Do is always organised during the working day because its seen as being more accessible for those of us who have childcare or caring commitments. We get "given" a 2 hour lunch break, with the expectation that you either go back to work afterwards or book the rest of the day off. It's usually a local pub or carvery and is never paid for. As a PP said, the general public would be justifiably unimpressed if their Councul Tax was spent in that way.

There are always people who choose not to attend each year. Some never go, because they just don't do work Christmas parties; some because they don't like the menu / venue and some are open and say they can't afford it. There's no expectation or judgement. I'd be honest with your manager.

GoTeamRocket · 02/12/2022 07:24

Be honest.

If, after your fake a sickness absence, you are asked to fill in an absence form and you lie, it is misconduct, possibly gross misconduct.

DNBU · 02/12/2022 07:25

Your work should pay, sorry. If not, I wouldn’t go. OR do something more affordable (food and Prosecco in the office or drink at local pub)

RosesAndHellebores · 02/12/2022 07:35

@TooExtraImmatureCheddar not all LA's pay full sick pay from from day one for substantive staff.

Pandagirl71 · 02/12/2022 07:38

Can you eat before and then have a Lime and Soda( my cheap go to when I am out) I would then leave early .

Sonyrecording · 02/12/2022 07:38

To be fair, it isn’t compulsory. Op decided that because her boss checked that everyone was available.

Willmafrockfit · 02/12/2022 07:40

the problem with saying No, is everyone else starts to say No, this is what i have found
i would and in fact have gone off sick on the day

DarkMatternix · 02/12/2022 07:41

YABU - but only because you're assuming something is compulsory when it isn't.

I've worked in several local authorities and it's entirely standard to arrange something for when most people can attend, if you're lucky you may get an extra hour for lunch but it's in no way compulsory and it's unlikely everyone will attend.

Beachbabe1 · 02/12/2022 07:44

LA will pay you for sick days btw. Just email manager and be honest.

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 02/12/2022 07:45

LA manager here, that can not assist you attend just because it's in the working day. You'd be within your rights just to say sorry can't make that day. But given you are new and worried about the impression you are making just tell your manager in the current context you can't justify the cost. They will probably be mortified that they have been thoughtless rather than insist on you coming. We have a bring and share for this reason as people can spend what feels ok for them and can not spend anything if they are struggling.

lovemelongtime · 02/12/2022 07:45

If you work for a LA your manager will know your salary anyway ( or at least your banding), so just be honest.

LAMPS1 · 02/12/2022 07:47

Absolutely no shame in cheerfully but firmly saying …sorry I can’t join you this year as I have more pressing expenses but thanks for organising and enjoy yourselves !

I’m sure a lot of people will be wanting to say the same thing.
If someone offers to pay in an effort to make you go, you say …thanks for offering that’s really a very kind thought but no, if you don’t mind, my mind is made up and I’d much happier to join you all next year when my situation is more settled.

Fufumcgoo · 02/12/2022 07:49

If its in the working day, are work not paying?