To disagree with social services?

[Lilyfrilly]

I’m hoping someone here works in social services or just has some knowledge and advice.
name changed for this post.
my 4 children have been on a child protection plan since February this year. We go to core group meetings every 6 weeks with the professionals, to discuss how the plan is going and if we’ve done what has been asked of us.
we’ve gone from having a bad relationship with some of the professionals, to having a good one and working well together on the plan.
at each meeting, all the professionals are asked to give us marks out of 10. It’s gone from 3/4 to 7/8- the last few meetings have been really positive. Social worker visits unannounced at least once a week, and is always satisfied.
our next conference is in January. This is where the decision will be made on if we need to stay on child protection or can go down to child in need plans.
there is nothing more I can do than what I have done. Things are going well.
however, my social worker has said not to get my hopes up as although things are going well now, they have concerns things might not go so well again in the future.
bit surely in that case, we would just go back up to child protection again.
If that is the reason they use to keep us on the CP plan, then they could always say that reason since no one can see into the future. So my question is…. If at the next conference, it’s decided we need to stay on child protection, would I be wise to just accept that or can I challenge it? I can’t see how we would still meet the threshold but I’m anxious now.
i feel like I can’t do any more than what I have. I’ve also heard CP plans can’t last more than 2 years. But the thought of another year of this…

I didn’t accept it at first. To see ‘inconsistent parenting and frightening situations for the children’ was hard to swallow. But for my children it was the reality. I don’t want my children to be recovering from their childhood as adults. They do already have a different life to their peers due to one of them being disabled. I can’t erase what’s happened so far. But we talk to the children (2 of them that understand) and listen to them. I will always want what is best for them, and at my
lowest I did genuinely believe I wasn’t good enough for them and I should either leave the household or they should be in care. We have always been told care is not something SS are even close to considering. They have given us a huge amount of support so our children can have the parenting they deserve.

Sadly I have been involved with families where the children have gone from CP to CIN and back to CP again - it has a massive impact on those children. That’s why it is imperative everyone, yourself included, is sure the situation that resulted in your children needing to be on a CP plan will not reoccur. It’s not enough to say ‘oh well, if it does, we can just go back to CP’. That will mean the children have suffered even more abuse.

I think people are too passive with SS. Both my parents are retired senior social workers. I would email, so there a paper trail. They'll hate that! State what has been said, re implying it'll continue endlessly and there's not much chance of getting off it. ask for details. Of what needs to be achieved by Jan, to ensure chair approves plan ending. And ask them to specify exactly what the future concerns are as to why they think you might slip back. If asked to put into words what the future threat they envisage, and ask what you can do to address and alleviate that threat now.

You are so incredibly positive about the support you receive, and realistic about why you needed it. That's so refreshing to hear.
Again, well done for taking the advice and really turning things around. It must take a huge effort of will and energy, given the pressure that you're under with your eldest. I'm really impressed.

Be polite but firm. Else everyone would stay on a plan forever, with no chance of ever getting off a plan, wouldn't they? And that's not acceptable, for them to even have that view.

I'm so sorry for you that this is your life. You sound so sorted, so 'with it', so stable and so strong. It must be difficult when your heart is breaking and you're exhausted from the fight.

Social workers tend to set the bar very high when they become involved. If any single parent on here was measured by their bar, every one of them would fall short.

You sound like such a hardworking Mum. I wish you strength. I wish you some peace too.

You talk about what others want for your children, but I, not hearing you address this and the damage to your children.

they are in child protection and that means their lives have been damaged . You need to own that .

Its normal for them to want to see some consistency in the changes and that they can be maintained before closing or stepping down the plan.
Too often families end up bouncing up and down the ladder. Social care departments have been criticised by Ofsted for stepping plans down too early.
You could ask for a shorter review period, they can agree to 3 months instead of 6

It’s fantastic that your family have benefitted from so much support. Would some of this support be reduced if you were not on a CP plan? If so, then I’d be looking to extend it for as long as possible!

That sounded like I was referring to single parents. I meant to refer to any one parent.

I was, and still am, the concern. My partner was always seen as the safe and consistent parent. I’m sure if I was a lone parent, I would have lost them.
But in the end, my partner had a breakdown. End of 2020. No one had given HIM support, it was support for the children and support for ME.
meanwhile, my partner was trying to hold down a job, come home and do everything for the children (not all the time. But too many times) he would have to take time off work or try rush home because yet again I’’ve not been able to cope.
he didn’t want to admit that as those months turned into a whole year, he was at breaking point. Stressed with work, trying
to be a ‘rock’ to us all, exhausted and depressed.
he hid it as he knew social services seen him as the safe adult.
he had a breakdown in front of the children when I wasn’t there.
and then obviously social services no longer had a safe adult in the house. Two mentally unstable parents.
Four children frightened as they had a ‘safety plan’ of what to do if their mum wasn’t mentally well. But had never expected to see their dad mentally unwell too.

I do.

Does she?

Does she really?

What you should be concerned about first is what's best for your children in the long term, not what you want or think social services should be doing.

If the professionals think the plan needs to remain then listen to them and work with them.

As other have said is the issues were going on for a few years so it is sensible that they want to see sustained improvement over a longer period before changing anything.

Neglect and emotional abuse is abuse and serious and impacts a child throughout their life. Only need to read some of the posts on here from adults talking about the damage emotional base did to them .

@Lilyfrilly you sound like you're both doing a fantastic job, you really do.

I can see why you want rid of SS but you've come so far with their support so please don't see it as any kind of punishment.

The why the hurry to get off CP and talk of appeals ?

Lilyfrilly

You sound a lovely mum to work with - well done on engaging with the professionals to make positive changes for your children. Keep being honest and open and no doubt the children will be stepped down as soon as they no longer meet threshold for CP. Best wishes

one concern they had was ‘if Lily shows that level of aggression in front of the professionals, is she aggressive behind closed doors to the children.

How about I tell you what's best for your children?

Yes, she does, her children are on a CP plan for neglect and emotional abuse. Sorry, my concern is the child.

There are four children.

I'm concerned about your child.

Well I presume it means don’t emotionally abuse them a minimum ?

So you have no concern for four children who have been emotionally abused and will impact them .

You only have to be diagnosed with a mental health condition (depression, anxiety) to be labelled as emotionally abusing your child. It's utter bollocks.