To disagree with social services?

[Lilyfrilly]

I’m hoping someone here works in social services or just has some knowledge and advice.
name changed for this post.
my 4 children have been on a child protection plan since February this year. We go to core group meetings every 6 weeks with the professionals, to discuss how the plan is going and if we’ve done what has been asked of us.
we’ve gone from having a bad relationship with some of the professionals, to having a good one and working well together on the plan.
at each meeting, all the professionals are asked to give us marks out of 10. It’s gone from 3/4 to 7/8- the last few meetings have been really positive. Social worker visits unannounced at least once a week, and is always satisfied.
our next conference is in January. This is where the decision will be made on if we need to stay on child protection or can go down to child in need plans.
there is nothing more I can do than what I have done. Things are going well.
however, my social worker has said not to get my hopes up as although things are going well now, they have concerns things might not go so well again in the future.
bit surely in that case, we would just go back up to child protection again.
If that is the reason they use to keep us on the CP plan, then they could always say that reason since no one can see into the future. So my question is…. If at the next conference, it’s decided we need to stay on child protection, would I be wise to just accept that or can I challenge it? I can’t see how we would still meet the threshold but I’m anxious now.
i feel like I can’t do any more than what I have. I’ve also heard CP plans can’t last more than 2 years. But the thought of another year of this…

Play the game. Professionals are terribly risk averse at times and the last thing you need is a hostile relationship with them (ironically given that they are in a position that is often extremely coercive). As other people said, it depends on what the worry is.

You can LOOK like things are going okay and then when the heat gets taken off things can then go back to as they were before. This often happens and social workers will be super conscious that even though things look okay now, doesn't mean you have the motivation to keep up the improvements in the future when they aren't on your back as much.

Much of it comes down to insight. Do you show them that you have insight into the problems and the fact you/partner were a cause for concern? Do you demonstrate that you have learnt and value the feedback? Doing what is being asked of you and KNOWING what was wrong are very different things. Social workers see people engaging in "disguised compliance" all the time (looking like they are co-operating with welfare plans to allay concerns/suspicions and decrease contact with them). This is a tactic that they are going to be looking out for constantly and I see why.

End of the day you need to do what you need to do. I wouldn't get caught up in the technicalities TBH, until they have no concerns just go with it and engage with them. I can hear its likely frustrating and demoralising, though I appreciate the social worker being honest and not BS'ing you.

Maybe a 7 but I just see it as a mark of my parenting and a good parent doesn’t have their children on child protection plans. So I would never score highly

It’s actually really refreshing to hear that you recognise you’ve not been a good parent.

I think that shows how much you have improved.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet
"Sadly SS do seem to like to keep people on these plans even if you’ve improved loads and been super patient. It’s a horrendous system that serves to destroy families and sadly if you object it’s a MASSIVE red flag against you that NEVER goes away"

Whilst I totally hear the pain in your post, they are working with people who are often actively trying to get one over on them. For every one of you, they may have 50 that are trying to pull wool over their eyes to get them out of their lives. I've known social workers who get lied to, misinformed, misdirected, told what they want to hear etc and then something comes out and they are in the firing line.
For example, one family looking like it was all going well whilst the mother was dealing hard drugs and using cocaine. She held it together enough in front of SS and played the game until SS felt she was no longer a risk. This happens ALOT in their profession, so I can totally see your side AND the fact that they are often working with some pretty unpleasant and unwilling parents.

Without their help-
found a support group locally for people with mental health issues and joined it

tell the social worker everything, always honest, always able to reflect,. Basically , my honesty is how the social services put us on child protection, because I told them the truth.

sorted out our finances and used disposable income on days out with the kids and the kids extra curricular activities.

i now phone the professionals and engage with them, which I wasn’t always doing before.

So reading between the lines the house has been a tip and they are worried you will go back to that?

I’ve got no issue with my social worker or social services. My children needed them. They needed to be on child protection- I think way before 2021. The first SW we had left in January 2021. The new one had the children on child protection plans quite fast. It was the right decision.
they don’t twist things, lie or want to steal my children.
they want all 4 children to be safe, happy, well, loved. Consistently.

I think you're reading between completely different lines to the rest of us

No, the house has never been an issue.

I was wondering how that conclusion was made 🤔😬

so in what way we’re the children neglected? I assumed it has been physical neglect?

Please don't feel you have to say why they are on the CP plan. It sounds like you are taking positive steps to turn things round. The SW can only make recommendations and it sounds like she wants you to realise it isn't her decision though. If the Chair says no maybe see if there is an opportunity to ask what further things you need to demonstrate so that they can come off the CP and give it your best shot.

Crikey if the reason for CP was the house being a tip SS would be even more overwhelmed than they are now. Nowhere gave a hint of this

Does that make any difference to the 'advice' you would give?

missing medical appointments (not all. But shouldn’t have missed any) One child is severely disabled.
poor attendance at school , with me at the time blaming my mental health.
not meeting their emotional needs
being unorganised and leaving ordering things until the last minute - medical things. So meds, syringes, NG tube etc

I'm going to echo those who point out that with the cuts that are around the corner, your best bet is to stick with things as they are, as this designation is getting you and your kids access to a lot of services that might otherwise be lost to you.

I recognise that you're looking for acknowledgement from SS that things are very different now. But I honestly think that you need to do all you can in order to hang on to the support that you and the children get at the moment.

I'm glad that you're getting (mostly!) empathetic and positive responses on here. Your honesty and openness is something that I'm sure those who work with you recognise as a huge positive.

I think you have a completely different path to walk compared to the rest of us and I'd like to see how well some of us would manage if we had syringes and medical equipment to order as well as nappies, and a severely disabled child to incorporate into the school run.

Thank you. I knew the sort of comments I would receive. But ones like yours really mean a lot.

I haven't read this thread as it's too long but as a social work manager I would like to say, there is no 'minimum number of reviews' before a CP plan can be ended - ending at first review is dicey but can be done, ending at second is uncommon but definitely happens. Plans are most often ended at 3rd but there is no minimum. Also there is NO WAY a social worker would try to keep them on CP plans to avoid picking up a new family! That might (might) happen with CiN plans, but never CP. CP is a lot of work.
also for PP - scaling at 7/8 is absolutely CiN level not CP level so that's positive.

I wouldn't worry too much about what the SW said. You can argue your case in the meeting but if you've been scaling at 5 I would wonder why, if you think the CP plan can end! If all professionals are in agreement it shouldn't end then I would listen carefully to the reasons and if you genuinely don't agree, put it in writing afterwards. The SW may just be trying to prepare you so you don't assume it will end and get disappointed.

When I said I haven't read the thread I meant every post! I've read OP's posts

He spends his life in and out of hospital. I’m always with him. He is unlikely to survive far into adulthood. He is 14 and cannot speak or do anything for himself. Every 2 hours he needs me in the night. I struggle

First of all, well do e on recognising your issues and dealing with them, that takes guts. I agree with other posters that if you reframe your thinking you'll see that the support is as much for you as the children and you should see it as a positive and that way you'll maybe hit your 9 in the new year. Keep up the good work ❤️

Very true. I admit I was cynical at first, but reading OP’s details around the context, I really feel I couldn’t have walked a mile in OP’s shoes without crumbling, and I 100% would have needed SS input. Such an incredibly pressured situation, and I’m so glad there’s been some help, for all the family.

Really hope things continue to improve 💐

It is hard to comment without knowing the specific details of case. Judging by your comment it sounds like your case may be related to neglect on the background of mental health and social stressor. Also having a disabled child can have a massive impact on the wellbeing of the family.

I imagine its must feel frustrating to be on CPP, however, your current scores are relatively good. Generally, scores like this indicates that social have no immediate concerns about the children needing to be removed.

I think the key thing here to is focus on making sustained changes and to continue to work with professionals. In your current circumstances, it benefits from you from on CPP because it means that professionals have to work hard in ensuring your children are getting their needs met. This is really important as sometimes children/families with disabilities struggle to access services they needs. Social services will be able to advocate on your children behalf. I would encourage you to consider other things your family may benefit from e.g carers break, breaks for the children, activities/social clubs/extra-curricular, letters for benefits, care packages. Children on CPP are prioritised in school allocation - so if you want your children to attend a particular school, you may get support with that. Does you child need any equipment or adaptions. Do you other children need support at school etc Do you need support with any repairs around the house etc. Have had an opportunity to maximise all your income/benefits.

I would encourage you to use this time linking with other services and developing a support network including meeting other parents in the same boat.
This will help when social are no longer involved. I think the key thing here to create a support network for you and your children.

In an ideal world, most people do not want to be on CPP. My advice is continue with hard work and work towards getting a higher score. And make the situation work for and use it to your advantage. Perhaps, you can consider it as an opportunity.

I wish you and your family all the best.

Reading this I just want to give you a hug. I had two weeks of feeding my baby through an NG tube and was on my knees - trying to imagine 14 years of it while also trying to parent three other kids makes me feel weepy to be honest.

You've had lots of good advice already about how best to work with SS going forward, but well done for getting to where you are now.